probate help family getting out of control

BobQ

micmac22 wrote: »

i never wrote a chq out to myself or anyone else dad wrote his own chq's out.

From what you say, your BIL may have a more difficult job claiming you have done anything wrong than at first it appeared.

Until you have evidence (the Will) that he is an executor and the Will is valid (ie properly signed and independently witnessed)all his talk about solicitors may be hot air. But if he is the executor (he or a solicitor) is allowed to ask reasonable questions (to fill in Probate and IHT forms) and you should cooperate with him.

Receiving gifts is not illegal and if the cheques are in his handwriting and there is evidence that he knew what he was doing then you have nothing to worry about. If there are IHT implications of the gifts this is for the executor to sort out from the estate and should not affect any inheritance.

Similarly, the cashpoint withdrawals provided the money was either given to your Dad or he explicitly said buy that for me, there is nothing wrong. A lot of this is down to behaviour, someone who covertly draws out money and neither tells the account holder or their friends/family is behaving suspiciously, but if it was done openly then that is different.

BobQ

nom_de_plume wrote: »

I looked after an elderly relative some years back and their income far exceeded their outgoings. At least 2 or 3 times a year I was instructed, in no uncertain terms, to write a cheque out to myself for a 3 or 4 figure sum. They realised the money was of no use to them and it was their way of thanking me for my help. Anyone looking at the cheques / stubs could have pointed accusing fingers at me, particularly as the book was full of blank signed cheques and the relative was partially sighted, but it was all totally genuine and above board. Indeed, on the times I refused, the relative got quite angry with me!

I know exactly what you mean. I have done the same myself. The trouble is that while there are many good people who behave honestly in helping someone with their financial affairs there are a few that abuse the trust. It is always worth asking how your actions would be viewed by someone with a less charitable mind.

John_Pierpoint

Moral of this story:
When ever you are dealing with someone else's money keep accounts. Can you remember exactly what you did 5 or 6 years ago?

If you understand the double entry book keeping, invented by the Italians, when the crusaders brought back a sensible numbering system, so much the better. The Italian merchants were sick of being ripped off by their Spanish agents.

Did dad receive attendance allowance?
Did you qualify for carer's allowance?
How old was dad, did he serve in the last war?
I am surprised that dad did not at least make you a co-executor - was your relationship suffering under the strain of the "endless" and worsening burden you had taken on?
Was he developing an absence makes the heart grow fonder - rose tinted view of his other children and their spouse ? There is not much of a sense of duty left in modern society.
Why did dad eventually go into a care home - your care must have been saving the family a small fortune each year? [but don't say that ! You were meant to be doing it all for love, and perhaps your father reciprocated by being so pleased that at least one of his daughters was keeping him out of a care home.].
If this were ever to come to court, the judge would tell you both to go away and come back when both of you had performed the proper process of "discovery" and created a book each of evidence on which you could be cross examined. By the time you got that far about £50k would have gone to money heaven in the form of various legal charges.
It looks like BIL's solicitor is already charging the estate handy fees for getting the "discovery" underway.

So unless your BIL and sister really hate you they are not going to be stupid enough to take a punt, when that much money is in dispute, unless they think they can charge the whole lot to a massive estate, in which they might be paying less than 33%, when they probably lose.

I do urge you to face this out one to one and see if you can find common ground, perhaps with the help of an arbitrator.
Suggest this in writing but perhaps put "without prejudice" at the top of your letter and stick to your point of view that you have a clean conscience and have done nothing wrong.
If BIL can be sensible and put all his documentation on the table in front of you, that avoids dragging it out of him one sheet of paper at a time.
If you both then must press on down the legal route and "discover" all the documents that might be relevant, then expect to have to put a considerable amount of money up front for your lawyer.

This could drag on for years and you might never see your inheritance in your lifetime - someone on here recently put up a thank you for help and support on an estate that went "off the rails" a bit like this back in 2007.