Struggling to manage my time, I need some practical advice

theoretica

Can you put the kids to work more? Pan washing and putting away for a start. Is the attention your eldest needs something that can be given while you are sharing a task?

skattykatty

I sometimes feel a bit pathetic because other people work far more hours than me or have much more challenging lives and seem to manage.

The word 'seem' is important. You do not know how people really feel, unless they tell you and what others compromise on in order to look like they are managing. Like others have said, it sounds like you are doing very well. The challenge seems to be giving yourself time for you. As long as you take it on yourself to put everybody else's needs first then nothing is going to change.

mountainofdebt

Someone mentioned online shopping.

Now I always found that counter productive - having to be in the house, admittedly for only two hours - but if I was waiting to go out to do something then I found it very frustrating.

HOWEVER I've discovered the click and collect service and I find that much better. You do it as if you were doing a normal internet shop and you chose a 2hr slot to pick up the shopping but YOU go there to pick up any time during that 2 hrs which is convenient for you.

There's no delivery charge provided you spend over a certain amount, and all chilled goods are kept chilled.

Click and collect over delivery any day in my opinion

YORKSHIRELASS

Wow, some great replies - thank you.

And actually I do think I have a bit of an issue with the house. Not OCD exactly but I think there is some underlying anxiety about it being clean and tidy.

Because of my sons health our lives are a bit chaotic at times and this doesnt sit well with me so maybe trying to instil order in the house is a reaction to this.

My husband is still in bed when I leave on a morning. As soon as I come in I have to rush upstairs and make the bed because it will bother me otherwise. I do wish I could be more laid back about things like this.

The idea of a massive declutter does appeal (and makes a lot of sense). I have half jokingly suggested to OH that we should get a skip to clear the loft and the garden shed and I think this is something that we should definitely do.

For financial reasons I need to keep both jobs for the time being. One of them I do from home so I need to prioritise this and make a set time to work.

You have given me a lot to think about though.

Hermia

A couple of years ago I took a week off work and did a huge declutter and spring clean. It was very hard work. I was doing multiple trips to the tip/charity shop every morning and then spending 6 hours each day getting the house in order. I was exhausted at the end of the week, but ever since then the housework is a breeze.

Whilst I can understand why the sight of the unmade bed bothers you, I think you need to chill. I rarely buy clothes that need ironing, I let the washing-up air-dry and take every opportunity to use short cuts.

Brighton_belle

whiteguineapig wrote: »

i have found it so much easier since i de cluttered

I can second this - it's taken a while including paper work and also learning how not to bring anything not vital into the house either, to prevent clutter building up again. But I have much less of that overwhelming vague feeling of 'things undone' as well as it being easier to clean.
I do think a made bed does give a sense of calm and order. So I understand why you don't want to leave it undone. But try and see it as a 20 sec job that barely warrants thinking about. It's a shame your DH can't do it for you, because it matters to you (and is such as easy job) but if he can't see the point then it will be an uphill struggle, unless there are things you can negotiate on.

[Deleted User]

I agree with the decluttering thing too. It does make things easier. Even if all we manage to do when cleaning one week is to wipe down the kitchen tops, clean the bathroom, change bed linen and hoover as the house is tidy it never looks too bad.

Start three lists (1)Must do (2) Should do (3) Nice to do. Split your tasks and chores between each list. So helping sons and going to work would be on list (1) and so on. This way you can tackle the most important things first and let some of the things on the nice to do list slide

For tasks which have a set amount of time (ironing), taking son to sport etc work out the time for each task. Include your jobs on this list too. Ideally you and your husband are a team. You should do your share of the tasks each. So he works more hours, but not 90% more so why are you doing 90% of the chores? Sit down with your husband and explain that you need more help, that you cannot cope and it is not fair. Look to split the chores evenly timewise. So his hours at work and chores should equal your hours at work and chores. If he is not willing to do this then you need to stop doing the chores he must do himself, e.g. his own washing and ironing etc. That way you will have more time for you and for the chores that he will just not do, making the bed etc.

Good luck,
Spider

System

I used to be in the situation where I could not make the bed before going to work of a morning because someone was still in it! Looking back I wonder to myself why I didn't either insist that he made the bed himself, or eject him from the bed in the morning so that I could do it :rotfl:

OP I would recommend you take a step back, make a list of what needs doing, and see if you can delegate some of these tasks if it's getting to be too much for you. There is no shame in asking for help. Could you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week?

getmore4less

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

My husband is still in bed when I leave on a morning. As soon as I come in I have to rush upstairs and make the bed because it will bother me otherwise. I do wish I could be more laid back about things like this.
.

On your way out of the bedroom just remind him to turn down the covers its starting to stink.

The tell yourself he has done this and don't go in the bedroom when you come home. Even if he did start making the bed, you would probably still check and do it right so best to just keep the door shut.

working from home can be an issue because you do things like a bit of a tidy up when you go to make a cup of tea.

Do you have a seperate work area that can make a big difference if you can stock it with the esentials like you were not at home.

What days do you work you are in effect doing a 4 day week but if that is spread out over 6-7 days it makes things a lot harder.

IF you have busy lives I am a great believer in having one day totaly free from chores, just a bit of cooking(give that time if you like doing it) maybe go out if it is nice have quality time as a family forget the little stuff for a day, handy if you can make the day before a tidy catch up day so things are in order. it might end up that with work and things to do it becomes a 6 day week but 1 day free.

If you are spreading things out over 7 days you never get a break.

Do you have a dishwasher? you can hide a lot of stuff in them some have hot rince/dry cycles.

Have you done a diary of what you both do when and how long, it may be if you step back(on te day off) and have a look at the time line of the previous week you will see where all the time goes.

hollydays

You remind me a little of my daughter , she is a stress bunny when it comes to housework, she wants everything to be picture perfect, and has other stresses eg money worries and sometimes it all gets a bit much for her. Techniques for tacking stress have been best for her.