Ugh, bridezilla

notanewuser

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Would this relative definitely be going? If they were in two minds (and I have to say that if the bride had been sh1tty to me that WOULD be a definite no !) then I would only go once I'd spoken to the wronged relative (if that makes sense!)

Personally I can't see why either you or the wronged relative would want to go

The wronged relative is the mother of the groom.

PlymouthMaid

If you don't much fancy it anyway then tell her that since you won't be able to commit until August she may as well take you as a 'NO' and dish out the places to someone else. Will save you loads of money and then money pressure about the holiday. Weddings are grim affairs anyway.

Floss

Just because you are invited doesn't mean you must attend

If you don't want to committ to the hassle & expense, and would rather do stuff for your dad's birthday / have a holiday / paint the dogs nails, then just send a "Sorry we won't be coming" RSVP card & forget about it.

Floss

PlymouthMaid wrote: »

.... Weddings are grim affairs anyway.

Slightly off topic, but is that really the most encouraging thing to post on a wedding forum?!

mountainofdebt

notanewuser wrote: »

The wronged relative is the mother of the groom.

The only thing I can say to that is oh dear - anything else would get filtered!

Given that then I would almost feel obligated to go (and yes it would be smiles through gritted teeth).

The only way I wouldn't go is if I was assured by another guest, who was going,that they would look out for the groom's mother

sharnad

notanewuser wrote: »

I can't do that at the moment.

The dozy tart sent the invites over 6 months before the wedding. Usual timescale is 3 months!

Save the dates are 6 months with rsvp being 3 months

michelleb2b39

notanewuser wrote: »

We have been invited to a relative's (second) wedding. We attended the first which lasted all of 7 months.

Invites arrived a few weeks back with an RSVP date of end of August. Wedding is in October. It isn't local, and is on a Friday. So means travel, hotel, outfits, time off work etc. It's my dad's 60th birthday in October, as well as mine, my daughter's and my brother in law's. it's likely that we'll be going on holiday, but as yet nothing is sorted. No problem, because we don't need to decide until August, right?

Wrong. The bride has been on the phone ranting because we haven't told them whether we're going. It's May. She wants to bump people up from the evening do if we're not going.

I've explained, politely, that we're not sure yet what is happening about all of these birthdays yet, but we'll let her know when we know. She's really not happy about it, but as she seems not to have engaged a second brain cell when writing the (awful) invitations, I'm not sure I feel that sorry!!

I'm expecting daily texts until we tell her!

She seems quite pushy, maybe that's why her last one didn't last? you should tell her no you're not going when she says something like bumping the evening guest.

notanewuser

sharnad wrote: »

Save the dates are 6 months with rsvp being 3 months

:huh:

You need an invite to RSVP, not a save the date. Normal etiquette is invite 2-3 months before the wedding date with RSVP around a month before. That's certainly how we did it (10 years ago).

http://www.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/wedding-invitations-etiquette.aspx?MsdVisit=1

Sending an invite more than 6 months before and expecting an immediate answer is idiotic.

notanewuser

michelleb2b39 wrote: »

She seems quite pushy, maybe that's why her last one didn't last? you should tell her no you're not going when she says something like bumping the evening guest.

She hasn't been married before. It's the groom that was.

She seems to have backed off a bit, but if she does push again we'll be saying yes and potentially changing our minds later.

DigForVictory

Have a quick call to the mother of the groom.
If she's depending on you, then it'll have to be a reluctant yes, but if she has a cyanide soup planned for her daughter-in-law-to-be, all she'll need is a good alibi.
Which you can probably manage better on holiday...