Belated Miscarriage Grief

ttc39

Hope you are feeling a little better for hearing others experiences, I have had 2 mc, and with the 2nd I haven't grieved at all - just throwing myself into thinking of our consultant appt where we hope to get some answers and hopefully a solution.

It will get easier with time Hun but you do need to be kind to yourself .

We too got a dog and ours luckily does not chew things , but I am up at 6 am each day to walk her and can honestly say she has helped me mentally a lot :-)

Big hugs xx

Syrah

Hey Hun. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 mc and 1 ectopic, and I promise you it gets easier. My last one was 3 years ago, and it still hurts but I don't burst into years randomly any more, and it doesn't occupy all my thinking time like it used to. You WILL be ok. Just don't rush yourself to "get over it" because time is your only healer.
Much love, Syrah x

dancingfairy

Sorry for your loss 8 weeks doesn't sound that long in the grand scheme of things really. Grief affects people in different ways, at different times.
I don't know but I would imagine that it can take a while for your body clock to reset itself so you may well be feeling hormonal on top of trying to deal with the loss.
df

Miss_Imaginative

I couldn't not reply to this.

I miscarried our little boy a month ago and have to say that the miscarriage thread has been a wonderful source of support and advice. I don't think there's such a thing as your grief being "late" and 8 weeks really isn't very long at all - just make sure you take the time you need now to heal and work through your grief.

Take care of yourself, we're always here if you need.

Mrs_I

trailingspouse

So sorry.

Two things -

1) crying is good. Take yourself off somewhere where you can do it in peace, and let it all out. Bawl your head off. It's OK.
2) it really does get better, slowly but surely. You can't rush it, but at some point in the future you will notice that things are kind of not so bad. I don't believe you ever 'get over it' (I've got a lump in my throat writing this, and I had my mis in 1987!!!), but you reach an accommodation whereby you can get along with your life and it's no longer centre stage.

xx

thunderstruck

Thank you everyone for your very kind responses. I think posting on here really did help and I'll definitely be heading over to the Miscarriage Support thread, if not to post then to lurk!

I actually feel a lot better today, calmer. I think yesterday was a culmination of grief for the baby, for the passing of my grandma, for a whole bunch of things I haven't dealt with properly.

So sorry to hear of other people's losses and how it has effected them even with much time passing. All I can say is what has been said to me, in that I hope the feelings get better with time, and I hope that everyone's journey eventually gives you all what you want - whether that's a baby, peace, or a beach home in Florida!

margaretclare

I think this is fairly common. It's grief, and no matter how you think you've 'coped with it', even maybe got over it, something else will act as a trigger and it sets it all off over again.

I didn't cry much when like you I lost a baby, just got on with living, but much later after that one of the dogs was killed on the road, and I just howled my heart out.

Lara44

Sorry to hear about your mc Thunderstruck. I suffered one in July last year and it was such a sad time. I also tried to get back to 'normal' but found that difficult. In the end I found it was better just to accept the way I was feeling and stop analysing and expecting so much from myself. I had time off work to do nothing which really helped. Don't forget it is a very physical process too that takes rest and recovery.

Maybe you could take one day off work a week for the next couple of weeks and just make that a day to care for yourself? I found some comfort in small pleasures - just sitting on the sofa with a blanket and a good book, or outside in the sunshine. Hope your new doggie settles in well

thunderstruck

Laura44, I love the idea of taking a day off a week but being at a school I have fixed holidays. Luckily the week after next is half term so I'll try and do something relaxing then.

Thanks for the doggie wishes. I'm actually having to take her to the vet today. Having shown no signs of anything wrong until today, she's puking and pooing worms everywhere. Whether that's to do with the worming she had a few weeks ago or not, I don't know. So it's a nice bus trip to Pets at Home (Who must love me at the moment, the amount I'm spending there!) to see a nurse and buy more de-wormer.

nmlc

Afternoon everyone

I think there’s been some very good advice on here, hoping it helps x

I suffered the loss of a baby at 17/18 weeks in January 1998, it wasn’t a mc, we had abnormalities in my blood tests taken at 16 weeks that indicated problems with the baby. Up until that point I thought we were having a normal baby so the shock was awful as I’d already had a scan and nothing had been detected. I think shock and disbelief forms a part of your grief – whether it’s a mc or the loss of the baby at any stage. I remember sobbing at the hospital, and thinking life would never be ok again – but as others have said – it does get better, I still think about our daughter and it still damn well hurts but I always think you never quite get over it – you learn to live with it. It does take time and is hard at times – I always wanted a girl, we already had a gorgeous boy, so thought our family was going to be complete and our world crashed and burned that day. It was difficult too as I wanted answers – why had it happened, if we wanted another baby would it happen again? Nobody medical was able to confirm why this would happen especially as we’d already got a perfectly normal boy, they said “just one of those things” not the easiest things to hear, I think women who suffer mc get told this a lot too. We did go on to have another baby – another gorgeous boy – so our family was complete with 2 boys – and I wouldn’t change them for the world. In the immediate time after coming home from hospital – the only reason I got out of bed each day was because we had our eldest son, who at the time needed me to look after him. I’m normally quite a strong positive person and I kept saying to myself just because we were struggling with our grief it wasn’t fair to not give him the full attention and love and care he needed at that time, eventually in time it gets better. I did ask for bereavement counselling and was told by a GP that as I could talk about it with him he wouldn’t refer me – I wish I’d pushed harder for that as I didn’t have any counselling. If you feel you need to talk to someone who is not directly involved, then push your GP for a referral or help.

Hugs to you x

nmlc x