Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change our wills to benefit our stepchildren?



  • iBeast
    iBeast Posts: 36 Forumite
    Id say withdraw it all and put it on black
    Nobody has signatures anymore everyone has chip and pin!
  • tallgirld
    tallgirld Posts: 484 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    Does your son know that you were planning on leaving him half? If not then maybe it will be ok for you to split it equally. On the other hand he might be annoyed as they are not your biological children. Tricky really. I personally would leave it all to my son.

    Best thing to do is SPEND as much as you can while you are still here to avoid any will battles when you are not. Shocking how some people change when someone dies and there is money/assets involved.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Chl wrote: »
    Your son is now about 35 and your step-children about 45 each. It is likely that their financial situations will be different - some may have reasonable pensions and others not, for example. It will also depend on the relationships each has with the others. The optimal solution would probably be to leave them varying amounts based on their individual needs, and to discuss with them together what their needs are so that they have a chance to agree the distribution with you and each other. Your partner should be involved in this as well. You can then see what you feel about going for some sort of average of their and your opinions. This of course presumes they are all generally reasonable - if they aren't you have a whole set of other problems.

    People's situations change over the years. Unless you're prepared to write a new will every time your children's lives changes, I don't think this would work.
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Mojisola wrote: »
    People's situations change over the years. Unless you're prepared to write a new will every time your children's lives changes, I don't think this would work.

    I agree.

    I also do not think it is fair.

    One child may have worked hard and saved to be comfortable another may have squandered and be in need.
  • meknowalot-51
    meknowalot-51 Posts: 237 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post
    edited 16 May 2014 at 10:09AM
    In this day and age i suppose a lot of families can relate to this bit of a dilema.The wife and me are in the same boat and have decided on what we're going to do,retire early,travel,then what's left can be split equally.Thing is,we could both live to our 90's and have to go into care.In todays money that could be 30k a year...............EACH,by the time we get there it could be double.So you see unless we both die before old age they aint getting diddly.No matter what you decide there's always going to be someone who for some reason thinks that they should have got more than others.What if her three are left money by her family and leave out your child,or vice-versa.So many questions and different scenarios.What i think you should do is what you've already said as being fair,split whatevers left four ways.You've played a large part in all their lives and the education that's been passed on to them from you and your wife over 30 years shouldn't stop once your gone.
  • bigal257
    bigal257 Posts: 10 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    WOW ! I never expected such response, but the vast majority feel equal shares would be appropriate. Several people raised valid issues I hadn't even thought about, and many related to the situation as something they had experienced or anticipated. So, I'll try to cover the main points as feedback to those contributors.
    I think I have made my decision, subject to discussing with the kids. For those voicing concerns over expectations, we have not discussed yet with any of them. In respect of potential inheritance from their other parents, I hadn't thought of this, but two of my stepdaughters have no contact with their Dad, the other does. My son's mother has no other children, but a much younger partner (not spouse) so I have no idea what may happen there. They are all in good jobs with nice homes (various mortgage levels) and have their own children.
    Finally, for those who say "Spend it all", we have every intention of both living to 100 and dying suddenly on a Caribbean holiday, spending our last £10! But things don't always go to plan. Thank you again for all your ideas.
  • bigal257 wrote: »
    WOW ! I never expected such response... Thank you again for all your ideas.

    Thank you for taking the time to post an update, and here's to a long and happy life all round!!

    Sunny Sunday cheers,
  • Forget what you did 30 years ago - you did what was right for you at that time.
    Do what you feel is right and fair today. Your Executors should know what you intend doing beforehand so there won't be any surprises for them to deal with but your spouse should also be in the picture if she is not an Executor.
  • You have four children between you who share your lives, I would treat them all equally, to include their inheritance.
  • Jay1b
    Jay1b Posts: 316 Forumite
    I think it really depends upon the situation. All being equal I would split it four ways.

    Personally I would take into account what each of them would do with the money. How much effort they take in visiting you, etc, etc...
    A bargain is only a bargain if you would have brought it anyway!
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