Childcare problems

FBaby

However I did offer a 'package' of paying for school dinners, haircuts etc, and clothes to the value of the monthly maintenance payment, she refused, but also refused to get CSA involved.

I have to say that doesn't make much sense to me. Are you saying that you would keep tap on what you pay? I assume three days of school dinners would be £6, leaving £10 a week to cover your half of being school uniforms, shoes, coat/hat, activities, sport equipement such as a bike (don't assume you would by two?), hair cut, school trips etc...that really is not a lot to contribute towards everything that would be half.

If you really don't want to give her cash, why not agree to pay not what is the equivalent to what you would pay with csa (which would only be additional to what you would be expected to pay when your child is with you), but what would be half of all agreed costs that don't need to be duplicated?

fabforty

FBaby wrote: »

What they don't appreciate is that if they want money from the governement for looking after their own child (which personally I find quite despicable, but that's another issue)

It is the grandparents who is being paid to provide childcare, not the mother.

barbiedoll

It is not for OP to decide what the mother does with the child's maintenance payments, even if she does have a "questionable lifestyle". If you think that she would spend the money on drink,drugs or gambling and that your child would be neglected or would suffer hardship as a result, then you need to speak up and either get social services involved or you should apply for full custody yourself.

I'm not surprised that she (and her parents) aren't playing ball, offering to buy clothes and pay for school meals is all very well but who pays for the fuel bills, the food when child is at home and the rent to keep a roof over the child's head? It is not for you to judge her lifestyle, she may well be an irresponsible mother and have habits that you cannot tolerate but you are responsible for providing for your child and as she has joint custody, this means paying the money to her.

You could report her parents to Ofsted, they are committing fraud if they are charging for a child's place but are not allowing the child to use it. To be honest, you all sound as bad as each other, I feel sorry for the poor child.

FBaby

fabforty wrote: »

It is the grandparents who is being paid to provide childcare, not the mother.

Oops that was meant to be grandchild!

FBaby

I don't agree that OP should be paying maintenance above what is half of extra costs if he has shared care but he should be paying her for that half or pay it all and ask his ex to pay half.

arcon5

£16/week.
Not happy with her lifestyle.

Whatever her lifestyle this sum will not go far at all.

Not a very large amount, but then I suppose if you have the child half the week that equates to £32 per week which sounds about right ish for a young child (big luxuries excepted).

Would have thought this money and send the child home with a bag of 'goodies' every few weeks would be more appropriate.