If you're a foreigner, do you think this?

InsideInsurance

view wrote: »

If you've lived in the UK for a few or many years... are you torn about ever returning to your 'home' land or happy to stay?

I was born and raised abroad and have been in UK for nearly 14 years... first ten years loved it. Still love it however every 6 months I get a 'pang' about going back to home country... can't tell you why or what is behind it. No aged parents nor a 'family home' so it's not pining for that.... perhaps I'm just a global sailor, rather than a farmer...

Wish I could just settle, it would be a massive upheaval with British OH and jobs, etc.. etc...

do you ever feel like this?

The Mrs is not from the UK, she left her homeland c11 years ago now. Initially went to Spain for a couple of years and then came to the UK 9 years ago.

English is her third language and she isnt ethnically European and so she has those additional hurdles as well as the distance/culture etc.

When life goes wrong or she is feeling lonely she does have desires to go back to her homeland but each time she goes there to visit she always says it is nothing like the country she left and everyone has moved on etc.

Arguably she is somewhat in limbo then as she doesnt feel that she fully fits in in either country.

balletshoes

InsideInsurance wrote: »

The Mrs is not from the UK, she left her homeland c11 years ago now. Initially went to Spain for a couple of years and then came to the UK 9 years ago.

English is her third language and she isnt ethnically European and so she has those additional hurdles as well as the distance/culture etc.

When life goes wrong or she is feeling lonely she does have desires to go back to her homeland but each time she goes there to visit she always says it is nothing like the country she left and everyone has moved on etc.

Arguably she is somewhat in limbo then as she doesnt feel that she fully fits in in either country.

similar story here - my OH is not European, he came to live here 11 years ago, and English isn't (or wasn't) his first or 2nd language.
Until about 5 years ago, I think he firmly believed we wouldn't live in the UK for the rest of our lives, we'd be moving to his country when circumstances allowed. He wasn't settled on the UK.
He's had 2 longish trips back home to his family since then, and we've had family holidays there too (but with the emphasis on holiday ie beach resort with some family/friends visiting thrown in). Because his business here, and our lives here, are more settled now, and he can see that we as a family have opportunities here that he wouldn't easily see us having in his country, he is now settled here. Not saying we won't semi-retire to his country later in life (its a lot warmer than here ) but it won't be in his hometown - "bemused" is the best description for how he felt last time he was there with his Dad and siblings.

view

InsideInsurance wrote: »

When life goes wrong or she is feeling lonely she does have desires to go back to her homeland but each time she goes there to visit she always says it is nothing like the country she left and everyone has moved on etc.

This is a very good point... both parts to the paragraph. Sometimes when things aren't going well, pop on the rose coloured glasses and everything will be better in the homeland... however, when you (as in I) visit.... you remember it's not all rose gardens.

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Arguably she is somewhat in limbo then as she doesnt feel that she fully fits in in either country.

Exactly how I feel... here I have a 'funny' accent... homeland, so much has changed that I'm not sure I would fit in ... and OH would have the funny accent....

InsideInsurance

balletshoes wrote: »

Until about 5 years ago, I think he firmly believed we wouldn't live in the UK for the rest of our lives, we'd be moving to his country when circumstances allowed. He wasn't settled on the UK.
He's had 2 longish trips back home to his family since then, and we've had family holidays there too (but with the emphasis on holiday ie beach resort with some family/friends visiting thrown in). Because his business here, and our lives here, are more settled now, and he can see that we as a family have opportunities here that he wouldn't easily see us having in his country, he is now settled here. Not saying we won't semi-retire to his country later in life (its a lot warmer than here ) but it won't be in his hometown

My wife doesnt have a "hometown" even in her own country as they moved very frequently due to her fathers job.

Part of her problem is that she isnt that settled here. She's only ever held NMW jobs here despite having two degrees. The friends she has are very much fair weather friends (ie there for the goodtimes but busy in the bad) and I dont have any material connection to my family (my mother immediately said she was only with me for visa/money despite having her own rights to be here due to european ancestry etc)

She is currently studying again to totally change her direction and is doing very well at it so homefully after she finishes she can start having a more "professional" career and feel better about things.

view wrote: »

This is a very good point... both parts to the paragraph. Sometimes when things aren't going well, pop on the rose coloured glasses and everything will be better in the homeland... however, when you (as in I) visit.... you remember it's not all rose gardens.

Exactly how I feel... here I have a 'funny' accent... homeland, so much has changed that I'm not sure I would fit in ... and OH would have the funny accent....

In her words, not mine, she comes from a third world country with unstable political situation and high unemployment.

There isnt much of an accent issue for her just politics rules everything from who you see, what job you can get, where you can shop etc and the country is a lot more polarised than it was when she left. Ultimately it is "home" though and she does feel others judge her here for being with me as my mother did whereas there the assumption is that as we are married then we are now family and the reason is more love related

PoorCharleyBear

we are foreign in Australia.
Lived here a good few years, had family, for work reasons went to UK for a couple of years.
My rose coloured glasses were firmly in place before we landed and fogged over within a few days.
All that effort that friends and family make when you visit on holiday? Be assured they do not bother when you have 'moved back'.
In the 18 months we were living in UK we saw less of family than we do generally on a 2-3 week holiday.

My rose coloured glasses are now packed away along with other things which are a lovely reminder of things passed....

Jenny484

I have been in the UK for coming up to 7 years, originally from Germany.

I have this problem all the time. One time, I handed in my notice at my job and went home to look at a flat that my mother had arranged for me to view through a friend. I had no job to go to in Germany but had already sent over most of my possessions.

I didn't take the flat and went back to the UK to ask for my job and room back.

I have an established circle of friends and I am 30 and would like to meet someone. I would not expect for them to move to Germany with me so as the years go by, I am becoming happier in the UK. That niggling feeling about wanting to go home is always there though and I doubt that will ever fully go away.

double_mummy

hubby gets pangs every now and then to go back to israel but it was made very clear that it wouldnt be something i was willing to do at the beginning of the relationship

we go over when we can and after 2 weeks he has had enough and is begging to come home to england

hubby only has an accent for about a week after we get back and then he goes back to his terrible english lol