Only freedom will do

AlexLK

:rotfl: Yes, I disapprove. Yes, I'm judging you.

Hope you didn't manage to make so much of a fool of yourself in the cafe as I did whilst getting food this evening. We had fish and chips. I went to the chip shop and was surprised to see another parent from my son's school; we then got talking about things to do during school holidays. A couple join in with the conversation and say they aren't from around here but have a holiday home. I say "I presume you're from Lancashire" (they had a strong accent), they were actually from Birmingham with no connection to Lancashire. The other parent made it quite clear I wasn't with her and after the Birmingham couple went she asked me if I seriously didn't realised they were from Birmingham. No, I didn't until it became apparent, then I realised straight away. :rotfl: There's not a doubt in my mind the other parent will pass this tale on at school.

edinburgher

Poor Alex, I feel your pain, I am forever putting my foot in it with statements that sound sensible and uncontroversial in my head!

Karmacat

Thirded - especially because I'm trying to be a bit more honest *and* still be as kind as I can .... agony!

AlexLK

edinburgher wrote: »

Poor Alex, I feel your pain, I am forever putting my foot in it with statements that sound sensible and uncontroversial in my head!

Karmacat wrote: »

Thirded - especially because I'm trying to be a bit more honest *and* still be as kind as I can .... agony!

:rotfl: Glad it's not just me. Luckily this particular incident just made me look a bit dense, usually it's me inadvertently upsetting people.

edinburgher

A sad start to the day with a trip to the cemetery, DD is a comfort

Things improved a bit this afternoon, with a trip to the gym and the prospect of a lovely bank holiday meal. I'm roasting a giant whoopsied pork leg joint with apples, shallots, garlic, cider and caraway seeds. Will be served with roast potatoes, HM sauerkraut and steamed something or other, with lots of gravy.

Karmacat

Sorry to hear that, Ed evolving a way of remembering that feels right for you is an important step. I'm glad you have DD there.

AlexLK

Re. cemetery, those places are awful but unfortunately our forefathers cannot live forever. I didn't know my grandparents but took my father to see where his parents are buried and it was very difficult for him.

Bank holiday roast sounds delicious.

edinburgher

We were visiting the baby that didn't make it before DD, so we didn't even have the comfort of a life well lived before passing. I was thinking that it must be a lot easier to cope when you can at least consider the accomplishments of someone when visiting their grave?

I don't go nearly as often as I should as I find it hard to bear and am always very conflicted. It's worse in a way because we weren't able to obtain a plot in our local cemetery, so her grave isn't marked formally (just a children's section).

I cannot believe that it has only been a few years, going back there makes it feel like it was yesterday.

unhappy_shopper

Hi Ed, I didn't want to read and run; Cherish your rainbow baby. Time is a great healer, that is all I can say. Take care.

Karmacat

I thought it was the baby, Ed ... have you buried her in that section informally, so to speak? I hope focussing on the children's section to focus on her brings you some comfort, I can't believe you were refused a plot in this day and age.

This might sound odd, but we buried my dad's ashes informally, in a cemetery. His brother died in 1941, and is buried in Yorkshire, and my dad wanted his ashes in his brother's grave. We checked with the cemetery authorities, and they sort of said, do it and don't tell us about it. Now we have to do the same with my mum's ashes, which were only released to us last month

You're absolutely right that when someone's come to the end of a long, full life, there's more of a sense of roundedness and naturalness about it, it's at least somewhat comforting. And please don't think you "should" go with any particular regularity or any particular times. Your baby, your choice. Nobody else's business, except those who support you.

Thinking of you and your wife, and both your children. Be kind to yourselves, having made that visit today will have taken it out of you.