Buying a flat and relationships

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
6 replies 1.3K views
orangeslimesorangeslimes Forumite
470 Posts
I want to buy a flat in the future (not urgently, but over the next year), because I don't want to flatshare anymore, and I don't think the cost of buying versus renting on your own will be that different. I have a stable job, and I have enough money for a deposit, and I have seen flats advertised for sale that I could afford.

I have also relatively recently acquired a boyfriend, and its making me hesitate because I might want to live with him... buying a flat with him isn't an option as he doesn't have enough money (and even if he did it is probably too soon) and he is hoping to be a student next year.

So I was thinking I could buy a flat and then if we decided to live together he could move in with me and we could split the price of the bills. I suppose another option is that I could hold off buying somewhere and we could think about renting a place together in say six months time, but I would really like the stability of owning somewhere without the threat that at any point i could be given 2 months notice to leave, so I think with or without a boyfriend buying is the best option. I'm just hesitating as to how well it would work financially and wondering what advice people have for issues to consider. He has this idea that as the male he should be the provider and take care of me, which doesn't help...

Replies

  • rachiibellrachiibell Forumite
    300 Posts
    If you're sure you can comfortably afford it and find somewhere you like I would say go for it. You can't put your life on hold just because you've got a boyfriend. What if it doesn't work out? Then you'll have just put off owning your own property for however long the relationship lasted.

    There's nothing to stop him moving in at a later date and just contributing towards bill, a bit like a lodger agreement. I would post this question on the the house buying, renting and selling board as they will be more knowledgeable about your rights in this situation if everything were to go pear shaped in the future.

    So onto the relationship issue if he did move in would you both start viewing it as your joint place together or would you be in a "my house, my rules" mindset. If I was going to move in with a partner to somewhere they already lived I'd want us to do a little bit of redecorating together when I moved in so it didn't just feel like I was staying over at their place.

    Good luck! :beer:
  • 19lottie8219lottie82 Forumite
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    great post from rachiibell

    you say your bf is hoping to become a student next year, if so he won't be able to buy somewhere for a minimum of 3 years, will he?

    i'd buy somewhere and after your bf's time as a student, if the relationship progresses enough, there won't be anything stopping you "upgrading" your flat and buying a new palce together, if it's what you both want.
  • Cottage_EconomyCottage_Economy Forumite
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    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
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    Don't base important financial decisions on whether or not you have a boyfriend and what he might like to do.

    This is to secure your financial future and is nothing to do with him at this point.

    If you and your boyfriend decide to get more serious and live together, then there is the option for him to move in with you there or you rent it out (if feasible and the numbers work) and you rent somewhere new together.

    Go for it as soon as you are able to.
  • harrys_dadharrys_dad Forumite
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    I would suggest going ahead and buying somewhere now. You may also wish to post on the House buying/selling/renting board and ask for guidance on the financial implications of what happens if you buy somewhere and then boyfriend moves in.
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    He has this idea that as the male he should be the provider and take care of me, which doesn't help...

    There's lots of good advice here - https://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together//

    If your BF has early 20th century attitudes as to how a couple should live, are you going to be happy with that? Will he get upset or resentful if you own the flat you both live in? How could he hope to be a provider if he is going to be a student?

    I wouldn't put off buying the flat in case he's not happy with the situation. However, if you have a partner living with you and contributing to the mortgage, maintenance, buying furniture, etc, he can gain a 'beneficial right' to a percentage of the property. It would mean going to court and is expensive so not always pursued but it can mean a messy end to a relationship.
  • Mojisola wrote: »
    There's lots of good advice here - www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together//

    If your BF has early 20th century attitudes as to how a couple should live, are you going to be happy with that?
    I think it's mostly just that he feels that he should pay for everything as the man (he doesn't come from this country -he says his ideas are based on where he comes from rather than the early 20th century). He does seem to be adjusting to me occasionally paying when we go out etc though. I think his attitudes otherwise are ok, e.g. he will do cooking and cleaning.
    Will he get upset or resentful if you own the flat you both live in?

    That is something I wonder...given his attitude about paying for stuff. I think he will probably just need to get over that though. I think I will buy the flat for me to live in by myself first and see how things go.
    How could he hope to be a provider if he is going to be a student?
    He is hoping studying will lead to a better paid job - long term I think it will. His current job is minimum wage, and I thinking studying will probably be the easiest way for him to move on from that.

    I'm thinking if I buy somewhere now though and we are still working out in a few years then like everyone is saying we might be able to buy somewhere better together.

    I wouldn't put off buying the flat in case he's not happy with the situation. However, if you have a partner living with you and contributing to the mortgage, maintenance, buying furniture, etc, he can gain a 'beneficial right' to a percentage of the property. It would mean going to court and is expensive so not always pursued but it can mean a messy end to a relationship.
    I think I would probably ask him for half the bills not including the mortgage payments (at least initially). I will research the beneficial rights issue more, am in Scotland so will be different than down south. From what I have read so far he wouldn't get many rights unless he is on the deeds. Re. furniture -morally I think I would say that got him the right to a share of the furniture, not anything else?
    Maintenance might be worth thinking about - he has said he would help do somewhere up (and think he would be very useful for most things except electrics). We probably have quite different ideas re. decorative style (he's quite into minimalism, and I'm not)
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