Will I get into trouble with the DWP?

Waves_and_Smiles

I have schizophrenia so I explain in detail because it is the only way it makes sense in my head so please don't be angry if this long.

I receive DLA medium care and low mobility and ESA support group for 3 years. When I applied for DLA I was initially turned down but then my psychiatrist sent a letter and on reconsideration I was awarded the above. My ESA was accepted straight away without an assessment for 3 years into the Support Group. I am very relieved about this as I was still sectioned just on the strength of filling in the form, I couldn't have handled an interview. However I became paranoid about what my psychiatrist had written in the letter so asked my GP. My psychiatrist had said the the following- paranoid schizophrenia, agoraphobia, chronic and enduring depression, psychotic depression, PTSD from abuse, OCD, acute anxiety, social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. He said after 16 years of therapy none of these conditions could be improved further and it was a question of maintenance. My GP had also sent a letter stating the above along with low thyroid function, high blood pressure, chronic psoriasis, psoriasitic arthritis, Addisons Disease, diabetes and cervical spondylosis.

The problem is when I filled ion the forms I wasn't aware that I had been diagnosed with depression psychosis, social anxiety or borderline personality disorder. No one has ever told me. But as I didn't include them on the forms should I write to the DWP and let them know? I don't want to think them to think I was lying and now I am worrying that the psychiatrists letter and what I said doesn't match.

Also how do people cope with seeing everything laid out like that? I get by day to day with my carers, take my medication and don't really think about what's wrong with me, I just get through. But now I just feel like a waste on society. There is so much wrong and I will never be worth anything to anyone. When I was young I took a degree and planned for my future,then it all went wrong when I became ill and everything was for nothing. I was so determined to make my life better after being abused and spending time in a children's home and really thought I could make it and help other people and I lost it all. I worked with people who needed help and it meant everything to make a difference in their lives just how people had made a difference in mine when they helped me.

I don't see the point of me and people are working to keep me alive and what is the point? I can't get better and the arthritis is worsening yearly plus I can't even be trusted to cook my own food in a microwave because I get confused and forget things and it isn't safe, that's how pathetic I am. Seeing it all written down has made me realise how pointless I am and it isn't fair that people should support me. I guess I am just sorry to everyone. I tried to make it better and give back, I really did. I have let down all of my therapists and consultants and carers and now I am just another person living off of benefits which other people are paying for like everyone hates. I am just so sorry.

Boomfloom

You will not get into trouble with DWP - you did not lie, you just never mentioned what you never knew you were diagnosed with. Diagnosis is just a label, a shorthand for a list of possible symptoms. Do not worry about it. Nothing has changed - your health and needs are just the same as before you got to know the labels they use to describe your symptoms.

You used to work with people, you didn't mind helping them. Now it's your turn to be helped again. You are not worthless or useless. You are not to be blamed for your ill health. Most people are good and they don't mind you being on benefits, they are happy to be able to help you out. The specialists and consultants were not let down by you. They were let down by the state of medicine and their own inability to cure you. New drugs and therapies are being tested all the time, do not lose hope.

If you feel you need to talk to someone, why not phone the Samaritans on 08457 909 090 (http://www.samaritans.org)?

Take care of yourself.

malebolge

You've worried that you don't make any sense but in actual fact you make a whole load of sense.
Please, please don't worry about your claim. From what you've put, all the psychiatrist has done is itemise things, whereas you might have been given a more general diagnosis. You've not lied at all.
When I read what you've put about feeling worthless I could relate to it so much. We've very different illnesses (apart from both being diabetic) but I too have degrees, and have gone from being a well paid professional to being stuck in a wheelchair, hardly ever going out and having to rely on others.
We have another thing in common - both of us didn't ask to be ill. Don't blame yourself for something that you have no control over.
You say you can't see any point in you. You've actually helped me tonight, because what you wrote struck a chord and made me reflect. That might only be a little thing, but sometimes that's all we can do - take baby steps towards doing things and not get overwhelmed by trying too much.
You take care and as said before, if you need to talk, don't sit on your own - there's people who will listen out there.

wolfehouse

people with illnesses like your can and do go on a journey of recovery.
that means living a meaningful and fulfilling life to the level you are able with or without a condition which challenges you.


I suggest you look at some of the stories here http://www.scottishrecovery.net/

tomtontom

wolfehouse wrote: »

people with illnesses like your can and do go on a journey of recovery.
that means living a meaningful and fulfilling life to the level you are able with or without a condition which challenges you.


I suggest you look at some of the stories here http://www.scottishrecovery.net/

Whilst I would not necessarily use the word recovery, I agree that people can move on from acute episodes and live meaningful and fulfilling lives. I expect the psychiatrist meant there was nothing more they could do within the confines of the NHS beyond managing their symptoms

Indie_Kid

DLA isn't based on your diagnosis. All they care is about is whether having a medical condition means you have care and /or mobility needs.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you all so very much for the reassurance, you have all been wonderful. MY ESA form was filled in with the help of my CPN and after that I added another 3 pages of details on my own. Part of my condition is I feel very paranoid about getting things wrong and upsetting people and them think thinking badly of me so I am always as honest as it is possible to be.

To clarify my psychiatrists comments I have had 16 years of therapy trying to tackle the individual problems. All the way through I was very psychotic everytime. I became upset with many hospital stays and self-harming. Eventually we had a case conference and everyone proposed I either move into assisted living where I would share a house with other people with psychosis and support workers (kind of a halfway house between hospital and living alone) or we could try backing off of getting 'better' and try to control the psychosis and step up my home carers. I opted to stay in my own flat as it is the only bit of independence I have left. So therapy was stopped and it was agreed I wouldn't be pushed to make changes and that instead I would talk through anything I felt without looking at it deeply. This was on the advice of the Tavistock Clinic in London who I had been referred to with complex mental health problems who said all therapy should be stopped as it was too dangerous.

I slowly shrunk my world and stopped trying to go out and socialise, got rid of TV (it makes me paranoid), stopped trying to answer calls, blocked myself from news and conspiracy sites on my laptop with my CPN's help as they were also a trigger and generally began to live within my illnesses. The psychosis is much less now although I am still confused and hear things at times and cannot do simple tasks due to getting mixed and forgetting things. My psychiatrist said the medication is partly to blame and the rest is mental illness and obviously arthritic pain. I am so glad not to hallucinate and feel as if I want to die all of the time but sometimes I remember what I had and that hurts. My favourite thing to do is dream because I am well again in them and can walk and lift things without pain and go outside. It's weird how sometimes you just want to touch a tree or the grass when you haven't for years. My partner (yes, I do have one who has been with me for 22 years, he is my everything) did something wonderful two years ago and brought me a bucket of snow from outside. It meant everything to me, sometimes little things mean a huge amount to me.

I do have two friends and a partner. One friend is the person I told that I was being sexually abused when I was 13 and we stayed in touch and now I consider him my adopted family. I have no family other than my partner, they are all dead and I chose never to have children because I know I couldn't have given them the life they deserved.

Thank you again, this forum has helped me so much. I feel safe here.

Boomfloom

I am glad we managed to put your mind at ease. :-)

One more note: you express yourself beautifully. Your writing is clear and organised. Your spelling and grammar are spot on, too. Stop putting yourself down about it.

vision2009

Do not worry. You have a great psychiatrist who is able to help and support you. Your psychiatrist and GP have provided the medical evidence which cannot be disputed

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, both of you. I do have a very good psychiatrist who treats me as an individual, not just a text book case.

I really appreciate the comment on my writing, it was something I always valued about myself before I became ill. Once I could write very well but now it takes many edits to achieve a decent result. I always loved writing and it was suggested to me by a psychiatrist that I attempt to record my life story to help others who have the same past and conditions. I fear the time to do be able to do that is past me now because I get so confused and triggered by the past but perhaps one day I might be offer something to help stop others feeling so alone. I would really like to do so.

[Deleted User]

Hey be gentle with yourself You have an ability to write a comprhensive email on here ,why not try a little bit at a time to put some of your thoughts down on paper.even if you only send them to us here whom its unlikely you will ever meet whe are all here to help each other no matter what the problem.Its not just about money saving or recipes for biscuits ,its about being that person out in the ether who may just be listening to you, and trying to give you a helping hand .
I am an old woman now, and have listened to many folks over the years and there is very little that can shock or upset me,so if you feel the need to unburden a little then why not do it.You have nothing to lose and maybe lots to gain .even if its only a wee bit of confidence.
As I say Be kind to yourself and we are here to help if you need it
love and good vibes
JackieO xxx