Suspected childhood leukiemia...how to help his mum?

Wilma33

Make sure she knows she can use your landline whenever she wants, without asking? When someone is in hospital you often spend hours on the phone updating people and you don't want her running up a huge mobile bill.

meritaten

When my youngest son was in and out of hospital - I needed practical help. people to take my eldest kids to school, to make sure they had clean clothes, to phone for me with 'updates' on sons condition because sometimes I didn't want to speak with 'everyone'. I would have loved a 'social co-ordinator'. someone I could speak to who would then 'arrange' things. I had to do that while being based in the hospital for a week or more - and this was before mobile phones. My OH was of course, at home outside his work hours - and he was at the hospital as often as he could, but it was so difficult trying to remember if the other kids needed someone to take them to school, money or stuff for school. and were they having a nice dinner (and not takeaway or rubbish). I think I would have sold my soul for someone who would have helped with this.

If you could take on one of these tasks - I am sure they would be grateful and you would be helping enormously.

Kaz2904

The worst thing when a child is in hospital .
I had to spend a weekend with my DD in hospital when she broke her arm 2 years ago. DS was at a different school and much younger and DH didn't have his mobile with him. I had to ring his office, spoke to someone and told them what had happened and they said "Oh, I'll just get him" I didn't want/need that, just needed to get a message to him and didn't have much battery!
I ended up with no food or purse, just had car keys and mobile as that was what was in my hand when the school rang.


All you can do is to be there for her, make sure she eats and drinks something and perhaps be willing to give your home number out to all and sundry and be an answering service to update everyone each day. That will take a huge weight off her shoulders.

duchy

I found the useful things were..... letting me talk...endlessly even if I was repeating things as it helped me process what was going on , people offering to do something specific to say yes or no to....... your mind is a mess and when someone asks if there is anything they can do for you-you often can't summon the clarity to think *what* they can do.

Be non judgemental ......at some point she's going to get angry "Why my child? How dare God/the fates do this to us..... let her rant -she'll need it.

Don't tell her you know how she feels...... You don't !

"Listen" One of the things I found most difficult was when a neighbour and mother of a classmate stopped me in the playground and asked me how things were going.....and when I said there had been a relapse and things were looking grim her answer was "Good, good" She hadn't listened to a word I had said. I lost my temper and told her if she wasn't interested enough to listen to my reply-don't da&n well ask- She didn't speak to me for months (no loss there)

There will be a local parent's support group-Find it-there is nothing better than speaking to parents who have or who are travelling the same path.

Indie_Kid

Don't forget about the other child. They're just as important too.

gunsandbanjos

What awful news, my heart goes out to you all.

I have spent a fair amount of time in hospital with my daughter, as others have mentioned food is a must. Hospital food sucks and mum needs to keep her strength up.
My parents kept bringing me stuff, they would come armed with a picnic most days.
Someone mentioned a flask of coffee, that wouldn't be allowed on any of the wards I've been in with my daughter. You aren't allowed hot drinks.

tyllwyd

I would say - make sure you have a thick skin, so if she comes back and she's in a terrible mood, and doesn't want to eat or talk, just let her do what she wants. When you are struggling, the last thing you need is for the people around you to be over-sensitive, so you have to worry about hurting their feelings on top of everything else.

Rummer

((((Hugs to you and your friend)))

We sadly have had to deal with hospital stays in the family and support from friends and family has always carried us through.

There are so many little things that can make a difference many of them practical although dependant on how close you are. The snack foods are so important as often you are not allowed to eat on wards and are not hungry and I always took a bag of snacks with me as well as plenty to drink.

A text through the day from friends always lifted my spirits as it can be very lonely being by a hospital bed. Often friends would take me to the hospital and the company was greatly appreciated. A hug and a shoulder to cry on also made a huge difference especially when they just listened and let me get all my thoughts and feelings out.

We also had one person on each side of the family and one friend each that we updated daily and they kept others in the loop so we didn't have to keep track of everyone or repeat news and that was a huge support.

My family took over the shopping and cleaning and I came home to a tidy house and kitchen full of easy to prepare foods. Our neighbours put the bins out for us and many many others did little acts of kindness that let us focus on the important things.

mcja

Thankyou.

She is an amazing person, and I do not know how she is moving let alone trying to function. Hubby's gone to work, and the kids have been brilliant at just keeping their heads down so we can talk. I have taken note of what you have all suggested, and just done shopping while she's sleeping, told her to use the home phone when she wants to, and listened.

He's 2...... I'm trying so hard not to cry with her so we can be strong, but he's 2.

mountainofdebt

Will the parents have a proper bed to sleep in whilst they are with the little one?

When Junior was in hospital I found I couldn't sleep properly which made everything 100x worse after a few nights of no sleep.

If someone needs to be there over night would it be possible for friends to take over once the little one has fallen asleep so the parents can have a proper nights sleep - even if they are there early in the morning for when he wakes up?

Also what about lifts to the hospital - would save them a fortune in car parking fees