Why am I such an idiot.

punto01

Seriously - how many lightbulb moments does one person need?!
I have had several now!

I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. When will I learn!
Why can't I stick to a budget? Why do I get paid and go woohoo I'm rich I can buy shiz...then a week later realise I have nothing left to pay direct debits.
I knew my car was on its last legs for 1-2 years before it finally died. I saved nothing in that time. I knew I should be but I just didn't/couldn't.
So who has just bailed me out - mum - topped up a loan she already has for me to buy the car.

I left a horrible job a couple of years ago with nasty bullying people, but took a hefty paycut to do so. I have been able to get into some part time work which I enjoy and should lead to better earnings if I keep at it.

I reduced my DMP payments to try to keep going but somehow it didn't work - I was still struggling to stick to a budget, still not saving.

I am now about to turn 30 and feeling very sad about my life. I have debts of £20k (down from 30) and I still live with my parents. I have another old car to keep me going for x amount of time. I have no savings.

I have just had to restart my DMP due to being a moron and taking out payday loans. I have done this before - but I did it again. Why am I so stupid?

I am on medication for depression and am having some CBT. But I just feel like a giant walking disaster. Why can't I get it together?

I feel sick at having to do the dodgy payday loan switcheroo again. I feel so guilty about these mistakes I keep making and they are hidden I can't tell anyone. Do I keep going with my head in the sand making lots of mistakes and just be a f@ck up forever. Can I actually get this sorted? I have managed to pay off 10k but this was while I had the better paying job - this has now dwindled to very slow progress.

DMP company have said why not do an IVA - I like the flexible DMP approach as I hope to have some money saved up eventually to get some of the smaller debts paid off.

Am I the biggest moron ever or does anyone else keep making mistakes? Do you have your LBM and that is it sorted?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Pixie5740

It took a few flickers before I had a proper LBM. I did the consolidation thing several times and just ran up my credit card debts again buying !!!!, nothing to show for all the spending.

I've just got my student loan left to pay off now and then I'll be free :j

Have you actually got your budget written down in black & white somewhere? Not just the monthly stuff but everything you have to pay for over the year, especially the car things like insurance, MOTs, new tyres, the never ending list of things to pay for that comes with car ownership

I think you need to set some time aside with all your bank statements and come up with a really honest budget that you can stick to. Keeping a spending diary might help too as I used to haemorrhage money rather than spend it

EDIT: I meant to say that you're not an idiot.

National_Debtline

Hello there,

I often to speak to callers who take a few attempts to finally get their debts under control. Please do not think you are alone, it's quite common for things to go astray a few times. The fact that you are trying again, and that you are here on the forum shows that you are determined to get things under control.

I'm sorry to learn about the situation with your old job, I hope your new role blossoms for you.

Payday loans are a very easy trap to fall in to. Last year this type of debt was the fastest growing debt type we saw.

There is a good page about the IVA route on the excellent Debt Camel website: http://debtcamel.co.uk/debt-options/iva/

We also have a fact sheet *here*.

You are absolutely right that a DMP can be far more flexible - A good idea is to think about how long it would take to become debt-free with each option. If you are able to post up your statement of account here on MSE that could be useful too - as we may be able to provide you with further hints, tips and ideas.

Please don't think that you are a moron, you are taking steps to get things sorted. Why not start a diary here on MSE?

For what it's worth, I got myself into an almighty mess when I was younger - so I know how it feels!

Very best wishes,

David @natdebtline

JasX

With no assets is bankruptcy not an option worth considering? I expect the pay for part time working will take a very long time to clear £20,000..

Cottage_Economy

You're not an idiot. You have depression, which is tough, and you've has some setbacks but you're dealing with it and having some treatment. Everyone in debt has setbacks because we're not perfect. I certainly had more than I can remember when I was in debt a few years ago, which is why I started lurking on here (especially around the Oldstyle Moneysaving Boards)

You have paid off a whopping £10k. £10k!!! That's a third of your debt gone. :T

Why not do an IVA? Because you will be declaring yourself insolvent, which is the next worst thing to bankruptcy. You have to hand over all of your financial affairs to an Insolvency Practitioner, and you will have no control over your life for 5-6 years. And you will pay more in the way of fees for the Insolvency Practitioner to look after the day to day running of your IVA, although they tend to take them from your creditor payments so effectively your creditors pay. However, a lot of places have cottoned on that if they can make out an IVA is not such a big deal they can talk people into doing them and get nice fat fees. The fact that your DMP company has tried to switch you over would make me wonder about them to be honest. There are charities that will advise you and help you do a DMP for free.

Unless you are truly insolvent, don't touch an IVA.

It's tough going without a lot of support, the likes of which you will get here in spadefuls with the sole aim of helping you be successful

How about posting a Statement of Affairs and see if we can help you create some wiggle room in your budget?

By the way budgets...meh...took me multiple attempts before I got one to work and I still float close to the edge some months. Takes time to get one that works so don't beat yourself up about it.

As for taking a pay cut, I would start looking for a better paid job in your area and build your income back up again. It doesn't matter if it takes you months to find one, the months are going to pass by anyway so you might as well start looking now.

Take care sweetie.

[Deleted User]

You are defo not an idiot.

I had had like a million LBM, managed to get debt free as I got a nice redundancy pay but was out of work for 4 month so now back in debt of almost 4K.

£500 or more of that debt was just added this weekend as I like to spend as if I am Lord Sugar or something.

I need a slap sometimes honestly.

So dont worry you are not alone, we are all guilty of it even though some might not like to admit it.

Dxxx

savingmummy

I`m on my second `blip` Don`t beat yourself up!!

Your not the first and wont be the last, good thing is your having the lightbulb moments - many don`t and it spirals out of control completely.

Your 10k debtfree - That's amazing!!

Do you have people to talk too? Do your parents know of your debt?

Depression won`t be helping, you need to get yourself better and all will turn out fine. It probably feels like it will never end but I will promise you it WILL!!

Murphy2011

Ha! Don't talk to me about multiple LBM's, when I first thought we were in trouble we only owed about £35k and I refer you to my signature below to see how that one worked out!!!! Basically me and credit don't mix just like me and alcohol don't mix so frankly I have gone cold turkey on both. OH & I are lucky that we probably won't need another mortgage, just the common sense to get this one and our DMP paid off as soon as possible so I AM NEVER HAVING CREDIT AGAIN.....EVER!!!!!
I have found having multiple pots/accounts and keeping bill/direct debit monies separate from floating expenses like food etc works for us, also I have been very honest and told people where we have found ourselves so that they understand why we don't have a lot of spare money. (Actually to be fair OH was made redundant and struggled to get a similarly paid job but did we have to keep spending? Oh no we didn't!!!) anyway, you are doing the right thing, depression doesn't help (Again I sympathise, been there seen it, got the hospitalised for my own good t-shirt) but you can do it, honestly! Good luck and keep posting, people on here are fantastic!

hydrangea_2

punto01 wrote: »

Why can't I stick to a budget? Why do I get paid and go woohoo I'm rich I can buy shiz...then a week later realise I have nothing left to pay direct debits.

Why not change your DD bill dates to the day after you get paid (or a few days after for a bit of breathing space)? This way the bills are taken care of first. I've rearranged all of mine to the first of each month, and have an automatic transfer in place for my savings, to make sure I'm paying *me* first too. After that, well... I'm not always perfect.

And yes, I think we all have a few speedbumps or LBMs along the way!

virgo84

Hi Punto01,

I have no advice to offer but just want to say you are not an idiot you are human. We all make mistakes and regret doing things. I'm trying not to regret past decisions as I know they have made me who I am today. I'm not perfect but hindsight is always a wonderful thing.

My situation isn't the same as yours but you are not alone with the debt. I think life is so unbelievably expensive that its hard not to get any debt especially when you want to enjoy life a bit or a series of unfortunate events happen.

You are not the only one who doesn't have your life together by turning 30. All my friends have settled down, in lovely homes with babies and good jobs but hey that isn't my path.

The good and bad thing about life is that it's unpredictable and things can change so quickly. I'm sure it will get better and you will be a stronger person for it.

That's my little words of encouragement to you. Don't beat yourself up.

Little_Miss_Moneypenny

Hi punto01

Firstly, you are not an idiot, you're a human being and we all make mistakes and often make the same mistakes over again.

Secondly, wow paying £10k off of your debt is such an achievement and you should be proud of yourself. You've done it before and you'll do it again, just get back in that saddle and stay positive

I'm 31 and live at home with a massive debt hanging round my neck, so you're not alone in your situation.

I wish you the very best of luck on the road to being debt free... you will get there!

LMM