Why am I such an idiot.

Muhren

I know it is easy to say but try not to be so hard on yourself. You have done so well so far paying off 10k so you know you can do it.

I suffer from depression and think that it had at least a small part to play in my gambling problems as before I started taking the anit-depressants I was really good with money. It might just be a massive coincidence but I'm not so sure it is.

I am now 31 and living back at home with my folks whilst paying off my debts, it isn't ideal but it is an end to a means. You aren't the only one and I'm sure things will get better for you. Just keep plugging away you will get there.

quantic

Perhaps its because you know deep down that your parents will probably bail you out again and again if you need them to, like they already have. The risk of losing your house etc is a huge motivation to sort your spending out I find.

Sometimes if people do not have a lot to lose they struggle to change their spending behaviour. Try to reprogram your brain to realise what you have to GAIN instead.

his_missus

Pixie5740 wrote: »

It took a few flickers before I had a proper LBM. I did the consolidation thing several times and just ran up my credit card debts again buying !!!!, nothing to show for all the spending.

.

Me too. I spent most of my 30's riding the consolidation loan merry-go-round until I decided at 38 that I was going to be debt free by 40. With budgetting, cutting back in places and the motivation of a debt free date, I managed it..just!

It's hard to break out of the cycle of spending for spending's sake.

You need now to sit down, take stock and budget your finances. Maybe open an account specifically for all your DDs and pay into it as soon as you get paid. Open an account for savings/emergency fund and pay into this every payday. What's left over, is yours to spend. It may not work for you but it worked for me.

You're not the only "idiot" on here, there are lots and lots and lots of us who have been where you are and asked the same question:D

Good luck with your debt free journey x

NHS_worker_bee

quantic wrote: »

Sometimes if people do not have a lot to lose they struggle to change their spending behaviour. Try to reprogram your brain to realise what you have to GAIN instead.

^This is very well said.

You have a lot to gain, remember to recognise how far you've come (paid off 10k!) as well as focusing on how far you've still got to go.

dubs57

Very good advice from "his missus". After years of struggeling I have finally got control over my financial situation by using 3 accounts. 1 for bills,1 for savings and 1 for spending. Using this system it is much clearer where you stand. Everything gets paid gradually and you just need to be patient with spending much less. I have got used to it and it is much etter than that panicky feeling of everything being out of control. I whish you good luck and strength.

luceffc

Hi there, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but having read this thread I too feel like a complete idiot!!

My debt is 36 in total. 20k of this I have managed to move around so I'm not paying any interest but I wish I had taken advice and admitted my spending problems and debt problems sooner as 16 of this debt is on two credit cards as cash transactions... so the monthly interest together is more than I can pay to them each month and still keep up with the payments on my other debts...

I phoned both these credit card companies today and barclaycard are saying they can't help at all because they are cash advances and won't be able to do anything to the interest, the only way they MIGHT be able to help is if I miss a payment next month and call to say I can't make the minimum payments, but even then I will be looking at a payment break rather than help with the interest. Lloyds have been a little more helpful and I can call back next week where they will run through an affordability review with me and look at options... I'm not that hopeful!

I have been through my finances with a fine tooth comb and have worked out my budgets for the month, I have also applied for a few jobs to work in the evening and weekends to try to boost my income. So I am finally working at what I can to repay this debt.

I just don't know what to do about the two credit card debts... I'm so worried about it... I can't get anymore loans/cards. Can't enter into a iva as my fixed joint mortgage is up next year and need to get a better remortgage deal with additional lending to pay back my parents who helped me get my house. So basically... its all just a mess!!! Does anyone know what I can do about the two credit cards with the high cash rate interest?

Sorry... This is a longer message than intended!

Would appreciate any help, support and advice anyone can give. God I actually even feel like a bit of weight has been lifted by writing this and admitting my problems!

Thank you in advance

its_maths_not_magic

I'm a big believer in the idea that if we keep doing what we do, we'll get what we've always got. Meaning, if you want to change the outcome you have to change the actions. Not meaning to sound harsh, but obviously what you're currently doing isn't working so time to change that. I'm glad you're getting treatment for your issues, but there are also some practical things you can do.

When I had my light bulb moment, I sat down and had a very hard look at my habits, my thoughts, my attitudes and what the problems were. I worked out that I was VERY immature about money, how I handled it and how I had set my life up around it. To me it was all just numbers on a screen and not real. So I decided to do a 180 and change it all. A bit like an alcoholic shouldn't hang out at bars with other drinkers, I can't be trusted around money so I have to set it up very carefully.

1. I don't allow myself any credit cards. Payday loans simply don't exist in my world. You can block them from your computer and avoid them on the street. Credit can not be an option for me, because I can't control it when I do have it.

2. I budget every penny of my income and keep track of it. I have noticed in the past when I don't do that, money just falls out of my pocket apparently. So I make sure I take note of every penny and what it is spent on. Now I always know exactly how much money I have on any given day.

3. I check my accounts daily and come here whenever I can to keep myself motivated and on track.

4. I try to find interesting things to do that don't involve spending. Right now I'm learning the guitar, but I also draw, learn, go for walks, get out in nature, none of these things cost and they enrich my life.

If I could give you any advice, it would be to really examine the physical way you manage money - how does it come in and go out, track your spending, and earning and find the places where you can make changes to your daily life. To be honest, my light bulb moment wasn't that important to my financial turn around. What was was changing the small, daily things that I was doing that lead to my debt in the first place. I hope that helps.

punto01

Thanks guys.

Well I feel a bit better today. The payday loans haven't harrassed me too much...touch wood.

I have started up a fresh new plan with Payplan and intend to stick with them. I have been with CCCS before but I find I prefer Payplan as you have a named contact to speak to/e-mail and most importantly they are flexible with the date they take the payment from you. As I get paid mid month I was finding it tricky with having direct debits coming out at the beginning of the month and it gets confusing! I still have a couple that I can't change but they are small ones.

re the payday loans - I have 2 basic bank accounts and the PDLs were from my "spare" account. It is empty and I cancelled the debit card for that account. Quite interesting and thought I would share as I have heard horror stories about this - my bank actually rang me with a fraud alert as one of the PDL companies was trying to take multiple different sized payments. I wonder if this is just because there was no money in the account that it was flagged.

I hope that the PDLs are ok - they are the ones who worry me the most as I know that you just call centres ringing constantly but so far touch wood they have been ok. In fairness most of my other creditors have been fine and frozen charges and accepted the offers without mithering me to pay more. Have to them credit huh. Lol.

I still feel a lot of guilt and worry about what I have done. But I am determined to keep going and hopefully get some of these smaller debts paid off in time.

So I am facing my 30th birthday not at all in the place that I want to be but what a learning curve my 20s have been.

Thanks for your thoughts guys.