break up mess :(

getmore4less

Whats the real equity situation with the house?
how much are you actualy signing over?

I would counter propose you transfer all you income to her accounts and she gives you pocket money.

You should not be able secure debt on her share of the property without her approval. so if it ends she will have to buy you out properly or sell up.


You either fix your way so there is no need to transfer the house or you don't and she gets it all if you do transfer it.

If you are in debt again and you gave away the house they could still come after it so it does not fully protect it anyway.

norsefox

I agree with the previous post. Surely a compromise whereby you pay your income into her account each month would mean she has control over your outgoings?

If she has your credit cards, your accounts won't make much difference.

You need to identify what's the priority in your life. Your autonomy or your relationship. By going to GA and giving up your income to her control, you're accepting you have a problem and showing you're willing to deal with.

Tahlullah

I think the title of your thread says it all. Looks like you have already made the decision. All you appear to be looking for is a way to retain some of the money in the house whilst eating the cake.

Either agree to the terms, which protects you both and gives you a roof, or walk away, and get your share of the money to gamble away.

Meatloaf1981

I think she does need to buy you out of your share of the mortgage/house in order to "sign over" the house. Once that is done, you relinquish all ownership of it.

You sound like you have trust issues with your other half, perhaps because you know you wouldn't trust yourself if she was in your position. Frankly, you need to decide if you will be prepared to be handheld through this or not, because if not then you should walk away and spare this poor woman any further disappointment.

midnight_child

Ok, so you admit the problem, go to GA and cut up cards - thats a fantastic start.

The decison if you can trust your OH with the house and want to try to salvage your relationship is one that no one on here can help with im afraid. Take a few days to think it over and make sure you come to the correct decison for you.
It seems your OH needs to buy out your half, but in order for anyone to provide proper advice on here you will need to give more details of the house value and outstanding mortgage.

Whatever decision you make the 18K of debt will need to be tackled at some point, so if you are able to post a statement of affairs then you may get some ideas of how to deal with this aspect of your situation.
Have you defaulted on any repayments?

captainslowly

She has agreed to let me be a beneficiary and is going to arrange appointments to to see what can be done I've agreed to hand over the house if this is the case n we are gonna try work it out

Puddylove

There's a lot going on in your first post.
I'll try to give you my thoughts on each part.

1. Gamblers Anonymous - good plan - but only if YOU want to change. Don't go to please your partner, there's no point.

2. The Amigo loan - you have added it to your credit card. You say your brother has been paying it, so I don't really understand why you had to do anything with it? Was it secured against you house? If so, you had no moral right to do that without asking your lady, and I can understand why she us concerned.

3. Telling your parents. She wants you to face up to your gambling and other debts by being public. And why is it ok to worry her, and her parents, but not yours? Words like 'blackmailing' suggest that you are still in denial about the extent of your problems, and trying to hide them.

4. Giving her your cards, and allowing her access to your account. I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, it's a practical barrier to prevent you spending, but who wants to be their partner's keeper/the responsibility. And by giving it her, does that mean you are abdicating it? In which case you will return to gambling/spending but on the sly?

5. The house. This isn't really about the house - it's about trust. You've broken her trust endlessly, and she is getting to the end. She doesn't trust you not to make you both homeless, and you don't trust her to stay with you.

And now the brutally honest bit (sorry ).
Man up. Either take responsibility for your gambling, your debt, and sort it out, or let your partner go. She deserves better than this.

captainslowly

1) yes I want to change its starts tomorrow night, I've not gambled four over a week now ( goto start somewhere)

2) the amigo loan was perhaps the worst decision I made, this is the biggest problem for her. No it wasn't securred against our home but she thinks it was even though she read though all the info online. I would have 100% not have been a guarantor if it was securred against my home. You only have to be a home owner to prove i had a good credit score.She requested I got rid of it and I put it on my card for her. I tried to tell that's the wrong thing to do but she just wanted rid of it. My Bro made all the payments on time up to that point.

3) I just don't belive we have anything to gain by telling them, I'm 30 years old not 5!

4) I want to give her my cards so I can't go back to my old ways this is a must.

5) we are talking about a house here not a pair of shoes, I've payed thousands into this. if she wanted to nasty I would not have a leg to stand on n would have nothing left except 18k worth of debts. The house is the only thing of value I own....as I stated before I said she can have the house 100% as long as I've get some money if she decided to sell it whislt she owned it and she's agreed to that

What can I say we love each other and are trying to get though this. Though she did say she wished I had cheated instead then it would have been a lot simpler

killerpeaty

Hello Captain,

Regarding your last point, you may have put thousands into your home, but so has she. Were I in her position, I believe I would be trying to safeguard both parties' capital as well.

Good luck.

Muhren

Puddylove wrote: »

4. Giving her your cards, and allowing her access to your account. I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, it's a practical barrier to prevent you spending, but who wants to be their partner's keeper/the responsibility. And by giving it her, does that mean you are abdicating it? In which case you will return to gambling/spending but on the sly?

This is one of the main barriers that GA advise when you first try to stop your gambling so even if it is only for a little while I would suggest that you do let your other half keep hold of your cards so that you don't find yourself in a situation where you have access to money and feel like gambling.