break up mess :(

captainslowly

ok im the bad guy in all this, i have a gambling problem and have racked up 13k worth of debt due to gambling and making wrong money decisions. ive just come clean to the misses about this latest debt of course this aint the first time ive dropped this bomb shell and shes forgave me every time, each time ive promised i wont do it again but i do, this time is different there are a few conditions if i want to be forgiven:
1) goto ga meetings-ive agreed to this
2) get rid of an amigo loan (i was guarantor for my brother this was 5k , she was upset as she thinks it was secured against our house, "Whatever happens we will NEVER put your home or other property at risk" is whats on the website and what i told over the phone) - at her request ive put this on one of my cards increasing my debt to 18k
3) tell my parents how much trouble im in - i dont really see how is beneficial as my parants are both not well and will only make them worry, i only agreed to this because the misses and her dad blackmailed me into it, if i dont tell them then they will pipe up and go and tell them themselves.
4) give all cards to her - ive agreed to do this and let her view my bank account online whenever she wants.

and now the big one:
5) she wants me to sign the house over to her! ( we aint married and have joint ownership of our house) ive put thousands into the house she cant seriously expect me to give my half away!!? i have a questions about it, what happens about the mortgage? do i come off it? will the bank let her take it over on her own? if i dont sign it over (she says she will sign it back over when i can be trusted again) then we are finished and would want to buy my out, would she buy me out at present marked value or what we paid for it? what if she never signs it back to me? what if she sells it straight after i sign it over to her? this condition i just cant do, any one got any advise?

sorry to rant on been a bad easter weekend:(

-taff

She would have to buy you out at current market value. But that depends on whether she can afford it on her own wages, and yes, you would come off the mortgage.

If you think about it, her conditions are to make you face your gambling problems.

To be honest, it's up to you whether or not you agree to sign the house over. It is blackmail of sorts, but ii appears as if she's trying to make sure you can't gamble that away or lose it through being a guarantor for someone elses debt. SHe's trying to safeguard her home. And yours.

You're going to have to decide whether you trust her not to sell it from under you if you do agree to being bought out, or the possibility that she will end things between you if you do.

As far as trust goes, you've shown you can't be trusted to stop gambling so far, so now it's for you to decide if you trust her or not.

poppasmurf_bewdley

captainslowly wrote: »

and now the big one:
5) she wants me to sign the house over to her! ( we aint married and have joint ownership of our house) ive put thousands into the house she cant seriously expect me to give my half away!!?:(

Why not? You've been throwing money away with your gambling habit so why should this be any different. Everybody but you can see you are a mug for gambling your money away.

captainslowly

The only way I would do it is if I was a benifiery if the house was sold under her control. If I'm taken off the mortgage will all my debt they might not let me back on! Changing all this over is such a waste of time n money!!!! Just to have it changed back!!!!! She just wants me under her power! !!

-taff

She wants you to stop gambling.
She wants to keep her and your house and not have it gambled away.

It's not unreasonable.

If it's not to your liking, you can always split up now. That means you'd be solely responsible for yourself and your debts with no-one to palm them off onto though.

Pixie5740

Do you really want to be in this relationship? If so you're going to have to bide by her rules. Are her and her father really blackmailing you?

I can understand why she wants the house signed over to her. She doesn't want to lose her home because of your gambling. However, since there's a mortgage on the property you can't just sign your half over. Your GF would have to buy you out I think. In her shoes I'd want to buy you out too so that I didn't have any financial links to you and so that my home was safe.

I take it your brother never made any repayments on this Amigo loan? If not why not? I'd be speaking to him about repaying this £5,000 which you can't afford to just give away if you're serious about sorting your finances out.

At least you've admitted your problems and are facing up to things. The GA meetings are a good start.

The_fog_has_lifted

I agree with all of the above, why should she risk loosing her home because of your gambling problem. You can still be a benificiary on the mortgage and make decisions on it, its just that she will own the house and you will not. maybe this is a good thing, if she buys you out you will have a lump sum to clear off your debts and you can work on proving to her that you are prepared to change. it seems like a win- win for both of you. and if you separate the house will be sold and she will go on her own with her money and you with yours, the question is whether the relationship is worth holding onto, not the house. Either way you will be able to clear your debt and hopefully move on.

The_fog_has_lifted

you sreiously need to get your brother to pay up too, he also needs a wake up call in taking responsability for his actions, i would go through small claims court otherwise to make him pay up his money. I know hes your brother but flippin heck, if he needed a guarantor he was never in the position to afford the loan in the first place.

captainslowly

My brother paid the amigo loan (when he had it) on time every month. He will be paying me back the same plus interest I inccurr, atleast he he will save money as the interest won't be as steep. ...

I do want this relationship to continue we have been together for 10 years and love her very much.

Pixie5740

captainslowly wrote: »

My brother paid the amigo loan (when he had it) on time every month. He will be paying me back the same plus interest I inccurr, atleast he he will save money as the interest won't be as steep. ...

I do want this relationship to continue we have been together for 10 years and love her very much.

Well you're just going to have to bend over and take it for now.

Good luck with it all.

financialdisease

I don't have much to add but I have found myself in your gf's position and what a shock its been all I want to add is please please be 100% honest, tell her EVERY thing and ahow with every ounce of your heart that you are sorry and will do anything to change. I haven't had any of this from my husband which is signalling the end of 14 years together.