Bridesmaid rant

flea72

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm a bit confused? Does this mean your sister's would be bridesmaid can't make it now? Why are you fuming?

Well it could be due to the bridesmaid being on her own honeymoon.

But i think the majn gripe, is that the bridesmaid has stolen her sister's thunder. So now her sisters wedding will be 2nd fiddle within their social group, as people will most likely wear their 'best' outfit to the first wedding (or worse still wear it to the 2nd one also, so photos will look very similar). Prioritise hen nights, gifts and fawning to the first B2B and her sister will be sidelined . and as its so close to her wedding, most guests will be discussing the previous weeks wedding, at her own and comparing the 2

Also the sister will now not be able to chat about her wedding incessantly, as the bridesmaid, might pinch all her ideas

19lottie82

flea72 wrote: »

Well it could be due to the bridesmaid being on her own honeymoon.

I thought this might be the case, but it wasn't mentioned.

flea72 wrote: »

But i think the majn gripe, is that the bridesmaid has stolen her sister's thunder. So now her sisters wedding will be 2nd fiddle within their social group, as people will most likely wear their 'best' outfit to the first wedding (or worse still wear it to the 2nd one also, so photos will look very similar). Prioritise hen nights, gifts and fawning to the first B2B and her sister will be sidelined . and as its so close to her wedding, most guests will be discussing the previous weeks wedding, at her own and comparing the 2

Also the sister will now not be able to chat about her wedding incessantly, as the bridesmaid, might pinch all her ideas

You see to me, I don't really understand this. Surely you should be happy that your friend is getting married, rather than worrying about her "stealing your thunder"?

But then again, I'm getting married in July and I am the polar opposite of a "Bridezilla" :rotfl:

flea72

19lottie82 wrote: »

But then again, I'm getting married in July and I am the polar opposite of a "Bridezilla" :rotfl:

For some people their wedding is all about 'my' special day, not 'our' special day. They loose track of the marriage side of things and concentrate more on the show.

If most bridezillas put as much effort into their relationship and maintaining their marriage, as they did into the wedding planning, then i doubt so many people would get divorced within the first 18m. Its surprising how many people comment on how deflated they feel after the big day, as they no longer have a focus!

Luella-14_2

19lottie82 wrote: »

You see to me, I don't really understand this. Surely you should be happy that your friend is getting married, rather than worrying about her "stealing your thunder"?

Completely agree. Would someone really prefer a friend to put their life plans on hold for the sake of their wedding day? Bizarre.

Tashatutuw

the_insider wrote: »

We are a few days away from sending out the invites to our August wedding so I've sent a message round all the evening guests to get addresses for posting. They are the sort of friends who's houses I could drive to with my eyes closed but I don't have a clue what their postcodes are!
My MOH has let on that she and one of my bridesmaids (bridesmaid 1) had some tricks up their sleeves for my hen do and asked if I could collect some email addresses while I was at it so they could get in touch with some of the ladies who will be invited. I therefore copied MOH and bridesmaid 1 into this group message so she knew I'd finally got round to doing it, along with my other bridesmaid because she lives in another town and I'm doing everything I can to keep her in the loop with planning etc.

I got a reply from out of town bridesmaid to say she has booked a holiday and doesn't get back until the day after the wedding! Now we have been planning this wedding for 18 months, she was the first person we told when we booked a date and I am absolutely devastated that she won't be coming. She has said she will try and change the dates but the bridezilla in me says to tell her not to bother. If she can't be bothered to remember what day one of her oldest friends is getting married I don't really want her there.

Do you think I'm being out of order? Or is it reasonable to get seriously mad with her?!

I would be pretty upset to say the least. I know I would feel like I was one of her last priorities when I had gone out of my way to make her feel involved and to let her know how much her friendship meant to me.. I would probably see whether or not she can move the holiday in the next few weeks and if not just accept that she won't be involved.

I understand where people are coming from when they say that some people are not 'date minded' but OP states that she told this woman FIRST when they had booked a date and had asked her to be a bridesmaid.

Personally, I got very upset when, 12 months after asking (and 6 months after me buying her dress which has been designed especially for her at a price of £200), my bridesmaid (I only have the one adult) told me she had forgotten to take the day off work and now her colleague had taken it (we work at the same Hospital) - I was incredibly angry as she had had so much notice and basically not bothered. She still hasn't got the day off and I still haven't quite forgiven her - tally ho! We'll just have to pray for a miracle!

p.s. OP - we are date twins!!

sulphate

Tashatutuw wrote: »

I would be pretty upset to say the least. I know I would feel like I was one of her last priorities when I had gone out of my way to make her feel involved and to let her know how much her friendship meant to me.. I would probably see whether or not she can move the holiday in the next few weeks and if not just accept that she won't be involved.

I understand where people are coming from when they say that some people are not 'date minded' but OP states that she told this woman FIRST when they had booked a date and had asked her to be a bridesmaid.

Personally, I got very upset when, 12 months after asking (and 6 months after me buying her dress which has been designed especially for her at a price of £200), my bridesmaid (I only have the one adult) told me she had forgotten to take the day off work and now her colleague had taken it (we work at the same Hospital) - I was incredibly angry as she had had so much notice and basically not bothered. She still hasn't got the day off and I still haven't quite forgiven her - tally ho! We'll just have to pray for a miracle!

p.s. OP - we are date twins!!

I agree.

When a friend tells me her wedding date I put it in my diary and make sure that I don't book a holiday, because to me it is important that I am there. I would rather see a close friend get married than go on holiday tbh (I have never been a bridesmaid). However not everyone is like this, fair enough, (I wouldn't have minded if a friend of mine would rather go on holiday than come to my wedding) but for a bridesmaid to do this? Really? 4 months before the wedding? She should have remembered the date and it's not up to you to remind her.

You will get married only once (!) and your bridesmaid can take a holiday any time.

the_insider

Perhaps it is a bit Bridezilla of me but she's my bridesmaid and best friend and I thought she would make an effort to remember something like the date of her best friend's wedding! If she was 'just' a guest I wouldn't be so upset but I've made such an effort to include her. The main reason we're getting married in August, at additional expense, is because she's a teacher. The original conversation I had with her was about her having a week off after she broke up and then the wedding and the rest of the summer to go on her jollies.
She's been copied in on emails to various vendors so she definitely knew the date, even if she wasn't sure I don't think it's unreasonable to check first!

Oh well, like a few of you have said she's shown her true colours, I won't be losing any sleep over it.

Kayalana99

It does sound more like an excuse not to go then she just forgot... I mean she must of at least known what month the wedding was so even if she forgot the date ...

Perhaps shes upset about not being MOH if shes your best friend ? Just a thought? If it's been done in spite their must be a reason.... I know it's easy to forget things but it sounds like it wasn't one of those I told her 6 months ago kind of things.

flea72

Tbh if shes a teacher then i would cut her more slack to go on holiday. She is under time/price constraints and if a holiday with her family is important to her and that was the only suitable week, thats just how it is

Although i do agree, it does sound like she didnt forget, just decided to book her holiday and hope you would understand.

I still dont think its a reason to blow out a friendship, based on one social commitment, that as the bride, you obviously put big emotional importance on.

sulphate

flea72 wrote: »

Tbh if shes a teacher then i would cut her more slack to go on holiday. She is under time/price constraints and if a holiday with her family is important to her and that was the only suitable week, thats just how it is

Although i do agree, it does sound like she didnt forget, just decided to book her holiday and hope you would understand.

I still dont think its a reason to blow out a friendship, based on one social commitment, that as the bride, you obviously put big emotional importance on.

My husband is a teacher and I'm afraid that it's more difficult for me to get time off than him.

Isn't a holiday a "social commitment" as well?

The OP already stated that she is getting married in august primarily to accommodate her bridesmaid so has committed extra finances for this reason. Bridesmaid presumably already knew this. It might be just a "social commitment" to the bridesmaid but for the OP it's an important event in her life.