Bridesmaid rant

the_insider

We are a few days away from sending out the invites to our August wedding so I've sent a message round all the evening guests to get addresses for posting. They are the sort of friends who's houses I could drive to with my eyes closed but I don't have a clue what their postcodes are!
My MOH has let on that she and one of my bridesmaids (bridesmaid 1) had some tricks up their sleeves for my hen do and asked if I could collect some email addresses while I was at it so they could get in touch with some of the ladies who will be invited. I therefore copied MOH and bridesmaid 1 into this group message so she knew I'd finally got round to doing it, along with my other bridesmaid because she lives in another town and I'm doing everything I can to keep her in the loop with planning etc.

I got a reply from out of town bridesmaid to say she has booked a holiday and doesn't get back until the day after the wedding! Now we have been planning this wedding for 18 months, she was the first person we told when we booked a date and I am absolutely devastated that she won't be coming. She has said she will try and change the dates but the bridezilla in me says to tell her not to bother. If she can't be bothered to remember what day one of her oldest friends is getting married I don't really want her there.

Do you think I'm being out of order? Or is it reasonable to get seriously mad with her?!

sulphate

I realised whilst planning my wedding who I wanted to be there for me (in my wedding plus in my life) and who, actually, despite a long history with etc etc.... who I really shouldn't be that bothered about.

I'm afraid to say that she probably doesn't value your friendship as much as you value hers, as otherwise she would have ensured that she didn't book her holiday to clash with your wedding date, particularly as she is a bridesmaid....!?

I wouldn't bother getting mad, it's not worth the effort.

Georgiegirl256

You're not the one who's out of order, she is. She's agreed to be your bridesmaid, yet she goes and books a holiday that clashes with your wedding....it appears that she doesn't take her bridesmaid duties seriously at all....tell her she's sacked!

CH27

Weddings can bring out people's true colours.
She's shown you exactly where you stand in her priorities & I wouldn't waste my energy being angry or upset.
Get on with planning your wedding with the people who do want to be there.

FBaby

Can you give her the benefit of the doubt that she made a big booh booh and is herself gutted with her mistake?

You say she is looking at changing the date, so it's not like she knew the date and booked anyway. It sounds like she thought she knew the date but had got it wrong.

I think you need a talk with her before writting her off for good.

Flugelhorn

suspect the holiday was a good deal and she couldn't resist it - reckon that there is no chance that she will be able to change it without a lot of money changing hands.
Best be the adult and just so "oh dear" and get on with the wedding - one less person to worry about

City_Girl_2

My sister has had her Wedding booked and bridesmaids asked, for a 2015 wedding, for almost 18 months and in the last couple of weeks one of her bridesmaids has set her date, 5 days before my sister's:eek:

I am fuming about this and think that it is totally out of order although am not saying too much to fuel my sister as she is trying to get on with her own planning, obviously a better person than me, and forget about it.

I really don't get how she could do this to her like I don't understand how your bridesmaid could book a holiday at the same time of your wedding and think you would not be upset. What is wrong with these people?

Enjoy your Wedding, whatever happens with her, don't let her spoil your day.

C x

flea72

I wouldnt ever expect friends to put their own plans on hold for me. So if a friend wanted to go on holiday, rather than attend my wedding, so be it. For all i know that could be the only dates they could get off work, etc.

Im not a diary keeper, so if a friend told me their wedding date 18m ago, i would prob forget the exact date and not put it in my diary until i got sent an actual invite. Which seems at this point is when the friend realised the clash in dates. If someone told me they were getting married in august, if i booked my holiday starting last week of july, then mentally, it wouldnt ring alarm bells, so perhaps your friend had a mental block too

A good friend would accept that sometimes people just make mistakes. She has offered to try and change dates, so wait and see what happens. I wouldnt drop a friendship over it or get R.C. Having a friend at your wedding is great, but tbh the only person you should care about being there is your OH, anyone else is just a bonus

POPPYOSCAR

Should you be mad with her?

That would depend on her reaction when she found out the holiday clashed. People do get mental blocks sometimes, I know I do, so it could be forgiven.

The fact that she has said she will see if she can change the dates has to be in her favour, she could have just said she is away on holiday and left it at that.

Fluffi

How did you tell her about the date initially? Verbally? Email/text? Do you know if she was able put it in her diary/smart phone at the time? (E.g. unlikely if you told her at dinner for example)

Personally if I don't put something in my calendar immediately then I don't always remember so I'd have probably done a similar thing to your friend. I'd have probably remembered the month of the wedding but not the exact date. Although if I'd thought I was a bridesmaid for an August wedding and I was booking an August holiday I'd probably found a way to confirm the wedding without it looking like I'd forgotten the exact date ... ... then booked the holiday...

I can see why your annoyed but dates are hard for some people to remember without reminders. Personally I have lots of things to remember for work and personal things like birthdays and weddings on top of that so basically if its not in my calendar then it doesn't happen. Outlook/iCal virtually rule my life

Did you have the venue booked when you told her the date initially? The reason I ask is because in my experience people say their wedding is date x and then it changes when they find they can't get the venue they want so I don't consider a date final until the venue is confirmed.

So I think its a forgiveable mistake - especially if she is trying to change her holiday dates.

19lottie82

City_Girl wrote: »

My sister has had her Wedding booked and bridesmaids asked, for a 2015 wedding, for almost 18 months and in the last couple of weeks one of her bridesmaids has set her date, 5 days before my sister's:eek:

I am fuming about this and think that it is totally out of order although am not saying too much to fuel my sister as she is trying to get on with her own planning, obviously a better person than me, and forget about it.

I'm a bit confused? Does this mean your sister's would be bridesmaid can't make it now? Why are you fuming?