Sorry if wrong thread !!! Money argument help,pls

angeleyes

Hi, just had a row with hubs ..not sure on the resolution to be honest so hoping for some helpful advice n reasoning

Me n hubs not been at one for quite a while... He has just stated cos he is always skint etc....... To me this is not the cause of the problem there are other things .... But as he has raised it, I am obviously trying to resolve it

We were on a dmp for a few yrs n used to split all the bills n half shopping etc, he's self employed so work is up n down

I worked f/t along with another 16hr job which I kept on while pg with our daughter to get additional SMP while being on mat leave ... This along with hubs half of bills + dmp amount enabled us to save and offer a settlement figure to clear this at a reduction which we did once I wentbk to work part time but as we were used to putting the extra away we continued to for a few yrs inc Childcare costs , so hubs would pay his money and I pay my wages and a different additional job into an account I would then leave the bill money in the bill account and transfer the extra into another to spend on food, child activites, clothing n luxuries inc holidays,second hand cars and anything else we needed inc housey stuff
Hubs pays £1100 pm n I pay £800 pm + 80 Childcare vouchers ( took out before out of payroll ) + approx 400ish pm from my extra job ..... Any meals out etc come put of this... There is usually money left in the savings account which is left to build up ( hopefully ) depends on what Is happening eg hols



Hubs now seems to have a big resentment over the control I have over our bills n money n I'm unsure of a way to sort it .... There is obviously spare money each month that builds n pays for other things .. But I think he thinks (after speaking to his work buddies that he is being taken for a ride ??? )

This money pays for all our child's activites, toiletries food, my car tax n insurance ( his is separate ) clothes for me n daughter ... More for her obviously I will on average £30pm for mine ...very rarely hair n only special occasions nails ( talking Xmas n our holiday ) .... He buys his own ... Rarely but when he does its designer eg £60 for a shirt

It's now been raised n I need to resolve it ...how , do we spilt it n I ask him to pay half all the time eg I bought the milk this time st your turn or your daughter needs shoes I need ££ so much n want your half or just turn over all the bills to him n pay so much n leave him to all the shopping , checking bills cheap deals ( he works long hrs so I really think this is impractical ) n then any holiday saves etc are all left to him
I actually think the way we do it at the moment is the right way but I'm open to advice n suggestions
Any advice on what u all do guys :(:(

monty-doggy

Your post is confusing. I get the gist but what exactly is his point and what does he propose you do?

Georgiegirl256

Sorry, but I'm not really understanding it either.

angeleyes

?? Exactly he has left it to me I gave the background for info in case it gives insight, he has left me confused, not sure if its cos he knows there is money in bank ( not much lol ) but if he can't work n earn money we still need to pay the bills mortgage etc is all in my name so at least there is a couple of weeks grace xx

Buzzybee90

I'm confused too... You're both contributing to a pot to pay for everything... Is that right? How can there be resentment?

angeleyes

Basically how do u all work out your joint income n spends if u have kids n op is self employed n wages up n down x

monty-doggy

Ok so are you saying he gives you all of his take home pay, and he has nothing so spend each month? Or do you both put equal amounts into the household pot and use that for bills, and keep the rest of your monies for yourselves?

krlyr

Could you give each other a 'spending allowance' for example? Even if it's, say, £30 a month (if that's an amount you can manage on) - withdraw it as cash for each of you or transfer to a seperate account, and ensure that the remainder of the money is for bills/groceries only. That way he can see that you're both getting exactly the same amount of 'free' money as each other, if you chose to only spend £15 a month and save the spare for a treat that's your choice, if he goes ahead and spends the full £30 each month then that's his choice.

OH and I do something similar and it works very well for us.

Big_Tree

As a husband myself, I read your post and thought that your husband sounds like an immature selfish fool.

When you're married, especially if you have children, there is no my half and your half, there is just ours.

You chose poorly IMO

JIL

If you did not have control over the bills what would happen then? Does he want to do it? He will give his side of the story to his friends who thinks he is being hard done to. You give us your side and we think you are being hard done to.
The truth is its a partnership. You have a daughter. You are jointly responsible for the decisions on the household budget. Its what works for the both of you.

eskimo26

BigJockKnew wrote: »

As a husband myself, I read your post and thought that your husband sounds like an immature selfish fool.

When you're married, especially if you have children, there is no my half and your half, there is just ours.

You chose poorly IMO

Harsh but it's hard to argue with.

I would give him a breakdown of how the money is coming in and going out. Make it as clear as you can.

Show it to him [if necessary use the excuse it is to help you plan things better] tell him you thought it might help to make things clearer [for yourself if you think he won't like you being so forward], then you can use it together as a springboard to discuss where savings can be made or how a little extra can be saved so he can have a small disposable allowance. [don't call it an allowance lol also don't necessary presume this is what he wants, he may not know what he wants at all, just that he's not happy so ask him gently].

That is what I would do, I would do that knowing full well that [judging by your figures] I am actually contributing more but I love my partner and want to resolve the problem even if it involved me doing all that boring extra math in my spare time.

Of course if I didn't feel that way or if mt partner threw it back in my face I would get pretty p*ssed off!

Sounds like a lot of work for seemingly selfish guy but if his worth it go for it. Hopefully seeing the facts in black and white is all he needs to make him realise he is not getting the short end of the straw. [still think that's selfish talk for a man with kids though].