Ever feel like you don't belong where you are?

The_little_mermaid_2

Feel exactly the same! I came to England over 26 years ago now from Spain, have been on several occasions out of guilt but have not been for about four years now, no intentions of ever going back, I was born in the completely wrong place to start with, as soon as I stepped in the UK all those years ago I just felt I belonged here straight away, and I didn't even speak English then! This is home and will be for as long as I live :-)

BigAunty

I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't like my original hometown very much as a kid which is a poor-ish area just outside London, a kind of commuter town ringed by warehouses and farms.

I've never been back since my late teens and my close family are no longer there. At the time, I put it down to general lack of amenities and the lure of so much going on in London, just 20 mins train journey away, though it may as well have been 5 hours away for all the rare occasions I was taken there.

Now I realise that I was observing big social changes there without knowing it, the start of the boom-bust property cycle, the impact of shortage of social housing and the switch to needs based allocation that lead to families who worked being dispersed in wider areas due to property ladder reasons, the rise of the chav phenomenon, the burgeoning under-class, the dreadful aspiration sucking environment of a sink-school Comprehensive that churned out pupils with few qualifications.

I feel I didn't fit because I later became the only pupil in my class that went onto University in a period of time when Uni attendance by the working class was very rare. I recognise now that I am in a cultural subset of educated working class so I am neither typically working class nor do I fit in step with middle-class communities.

For me, it's not necessarily the physical geography of the place that matters, simple matters around prefering cities or rural places, seaside locations or overseas.

My not being at home in my original home town is that I was out of synch with the culture of the place. I was a freak, aspiring for a career and education, in a place that was quite backwards on that score.

liz545

I've lived most of my life in London, and my family are scattered across England, so I've always kind of felt a bit rootless. I'm as much from London as anywhere, but loving London's always an unrequited love affair. Last year we visited Haarlem in the Netherlands, and for the first time I could really see myself fitting into a place. Something about the fact that it was a small, but lively city, with both the coast and forests close by, just felt right. If I win the lottery, I'm moving out there!

meritaten

Yes, I went on a college trip to Lake Garda in Italy, and felt right at home! My Italian was only of the phrase book sort, but I understood a lot of what people were saying. I also 'knew' my way around, I felt strongly that I knew the place. It felt both 'homely' and 'magical' at the same time. Yet I know there is no Italian connection in my family tree.
I could happily live there, I felt so at peace there. yet it energised me at the same time. and its so weird because I love Wales, I love the valleys and I love my heritage. All my ancestors are Welsh - Yet I felt as if Limone was my 'Place' too.

Hermia

BigAunty wrote: »

I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't like my original hometown very much as a kid which is a poor-ish area just outside London, a kind of commuter town ringed by warehouses and farms.

I've never been back since my late teens and my close family are no longer there. At the time, I put it down to general lack of amenities and the lure of so much going on in London, just 20 mins train journey away, though it may as well have been 5 hours away for all the rare occasions I was taken there.

Now I realise that I was observing big social changes there without knowing it, the start of the boom-bust property cycle, the impact of shortage of social housing and the switch to needs based allocation that lead to families who worked being dispersed in wider areas due to property ladder reasons, the rise of the chav phenomenon, the burgeoning under-class, the dreadful aspiration sucking environment of a sink-school Comprehensive that churned out pupils with few qualifications.

I feel I didn't fit because I later became the only pupil in my class that went onto University in a period of time when Uni attendance by the working class was very rare. I recognise now that I am in a cultural subset of educated working class so I am neither typically working class nor do I fit in step with middle-class communities.

For me, it's not necessarily the physical geography of the place that matters, simple matters around prefering cities or rural places, seaside locations or overseas.

My not being at home in my original home town is that I was out of synch with the culture of the place. I was a freak, aspiring for a career and education, in a place that was quite backwards on that score.

I could have written this! I came from a similar town and never fitted in because I wanted to do well and also loved arts and culture despite my poor background. I have lived in poor areas and been the outsider because I seem middle class to them and had the opposite experience in middle class areas! I have no family in my home town and so have no love for it. I do quite like being rootless in some ways.

BigAunty

Hermia wrote: »

I could have written this! I came from a similar town and never fitted in because I wanted to do well and also loved arts and culture despite my poor background. I have lived in poor areas and been the outsider because I seem middle class to them and had the opposite experience in middle class areas! I have no family in my home town and so have no love for it. I do quite like being rootless in some ways.

Great news.

Most of this thread has focussed on the geography of a new place, how the climate, beauty of the new area, pace of life or friendliness of the locals has chimed with them.

Whereas it seems that we feel we were born out of joint to the typical culture of our home towns, perhaps because our ambitions or interests couldn't be met there.

For example, I have a large number of gay friends and many felt suffocated in their home towns which hold bad memories for them around bigotry and lack of opportunity to meet like-minded people which is why some towns and cities, like Brighton and Hebden Bridge, attract like minded souls.

I accept that you can visit a place and be bowled over enough on a visit to leave such a strong positive impression that you end up saying 'I could really see myself living here and enjoying it more than my current location." I fall in love with many places and countries that I visit and sometimes muse over them as retirement destinations or browse employment opportunities there.

I simply could never live in a small town, one on the periphery of a city and that had an embedded chav streak in it or is economically deprived - that would be like going back in time.

paulineb_2

I live in a medium sized town, some areas are poor including the one I live in, I've never travelled more than a few weeks at a time but I've been to Prague and Budapest on my own. I have a friend who emigrated to oz a few years back, she loves it and would never come back here. I've been to scandanavia, Germany, France, Spain, Russia, America, Belgium, holland, Ireland. I really liked Galway in Ireland, didn't necessarily feel like home but I'd have stayed longer.

Silverbird

I have felt this about the Isle of Wight and at the age of 25 I left my home in the Midlands and moved there with my fiance (who'd only visited twice on holiday with me) and that was 8 years ago. No regrets and we love it here and I don't miss home at all (family of course, but not where we lived).

My husband feels like 'home' is Pittsburgh, PA. He always says that and pines for it. I think if it was easier for Brits to move out there he'd have been there as soon as he got a job.

I truly believe that there is a 'home' for everybody out there and the reasons are not necessarily logical (some people will feel like they've 'been there before' etc). I'm so glad you found yours and do hope you end up out there some day.

Dolly_DD

No I get you completely! I can't stand the place I was born and brought up in. It's only 30 miles away from where I live now. Funnily enough I was back there yesterday and as I was approaching home (where I have now lived for half my life!) I got the wonderful feeling of, I've arrived home! Good on you!

OnceTwiceThreeLotsOfSB

To be blunt, I think what you've described is nonsense. Going to a new place is refreshing but you'll still experience love; loss; adventure etc, whether you're in San Francisco or Skegness IMO. No such thing as a "spiritual home".

I think the point that some towns and cities can't fulfil some people's ambitions is true but that's taking a more practical view to emigrating, which is different to what I feel the OP described.