Ever feel like you don't belong where you are?

Hermia

view wrote: »

Grew up in Oz, age 25 travelled to UK. After spending one day in the North knew it was the place for me. Moved over after a year, have now been here for coming up for 14 years.

It's not odd, it just 'is what it is'. Some people never leave their town and feel a need to live next door to their families. Some people, like me, love to travel and live in different places around the world.

Have you looked into how you would obtain a visa/green card?

How is your relationship with your immediate family?

You could be looking for 'something' or running away from something. Most folk who move fall into one of these categories. Me, I was looking for adventure and exploring another country.

Moving to another country, despite what many people think, won't change your life and solve your problems. You won't become soul and life of the party if you're not that type of person to begin with. Your children won't magically become the most intelligent and well behaved, if they're not. I hear loads of stories about people moving to Oz thinking their lives will change miraculously all because of that big ball of yellow in the sky, it's nowhere near that easy and day in day out of hot weather becomes tedious after a while.

People can find it hard to separate that 'holiday' feeling with real life. You most likely will still have to set the alarm, go to work, suffer traffic jams, have to pay bills etc.. etc..

I think your point about your personality not magically changing is a good one. I live in the country and have seen city people move here thinking they will have a better work/life balance and will start growing vegetables and cooking from scratch and going on long walks etc. But if you still need to work full-time why do you think you are suddenly going to be better at balancing things now? if you never cooked from scratch before why do you think having s cottage kitchen will suddenly turn you into Delia Smith? I have seen people move herer and have exactly the same problems and do exactly the same things.

I also think people need to be realistic sbout the lifestyle they can achieve abroad. I have heard people who aren't exactly well-off or well-qualified talk about moving to the US or Aus and having a big house, a big car, lovely lifestyle and lots of leisure time etc. Well, that's only going to happen if you have a skill or business idea that is going to be very lucrative over there. You need to look at te person you are now and look at what sort of lifestyle the American or Aussie equivilant leads.

martyn2000

Yes, I need to be by the sea, probably in Cornwall, but very expensive. At the moment I am stuck in the Midlands, apparently in the centre of England, so need to win the lottery! Ha Ha.

[Deleted User]

I was born in the North West but have lived in different countries, and in London before settling in York - so have tried living in lots of different places. What I would like to add is this: sometimes you need to live in a different place at different times in your life. When we left London I was desperate to live in a quieter, calmer place and York was fantastic for that but the other side of the calmness, is an energy that can be better suited to older people. (Lots of people come here to retire). Therefore, I think it's useful (as a first step) to think about what it is about the US that draws you and try to put that in your life here - before you commit to the radical step of living there.

And on a totally "off the wall" note - I have a lovely, very flakey friend whose into all sorts of "energy work" and she told me about Elliot Tanzer (he talks about how the energy of an area can be helpful or unhelpful to different people; she had her chart done and is saving up to move to Namibia; hope she knows what she's doing ... !) :eek:

Blessed2bea

Yes, absolutely understand - make the move while you are young before decisions about children or parents make it seem impossible. I am still determined to move away as my heart is elsewhere, my husband also hates where we live butis hanging on to work to get his pension (!!) The children have gone far and wide but we both have dependent parents now - we should have made the move before. Promise we still will folks.

minerva_windsong

fufu_banterwaite wrote: »

But a lot of people here are saying this about places they have been on holiday, or visited for a short while, rather than places they have actually lived.

That's why I want to go back to New Zealand and actually live there for a bit. I've been there twice and loved but as you say I think I'd need to be there for about six months before I was certain if I wanted to move there for good. Unfortunately I'm not sure it'll happen now as I'm getting too old for a working holiday visa, my job's not skilled enough for the points scheme and my OH doesn't want to leave London again. Though I can still dream I suppose...


I get that feeling about going back to Yorkshire a bit as well (I was born there and went to uni in York) but I'm not sure if that's just nostalgia for my youth.

defairmans

I was born in NY and moved all over Northern California as a child. I was obsessed with anything and everything British from as long as I could remember. I decided I would marry an English guy when I was in secondary school and sure enough, I met my husband and best friend and married him. HE has always felt American in every way and feels like he belongs there. So, we lived in London for 10 years (those of you complaining about public offices in the US have obviously never lived in London!) and wanted to move to the US. We are now trapped in middle England and quite unhappy. I think my spiritual home is New England because it is an perfect stopping point between the UK and US. It is so different depending on where you live in the US, that I think, if you are having a hard time, you might be better off in a different area. I still feel English as my identity, but American in my heart.

Tropez

I've always thought I'd do better in Canada, although I have no real evidence to back that up except for the experiences on a couple of trips.

I do know that I'm not really fond of any particular aspect of living in the UK. It isn't that I hate the UK but there's so much about living here that I purposely shun. I find the idea of a "good night out" in the UK to be thoroughly awful, at least around where I live. Houses are too small as well for the amount you have to pay for them and I'm not fond of British politics, so feel disconnected with the electoral system and as a consequence feel that I have no real say with regards to nig on anything.

I think the fact is that I don't really feel British. I don't associate myself with what I see in this country in a cultural or political perspective. Too few people share my ideologies, too many people support things I am morally opposed to. There's some good aspects to living here, of course, yet the negatives seem to outweigh the positives for me.

I find that I have connected better with people abroad and enjoyed the lifestyle much more in some continental European countries, the US and Canada. I spent six months working in the US a few years back and enjoyed the experience of "living" there, although I wouldn't necessarily wish to live there permanently. I've had long holidays in Europe where I've stayed in rented accommodation as opposed to a hotel and enjoyed many of those experiences too.

While I like the idea of Canada I am sure that the reality might be significantly different but if the opportunity arose to leave the UK for somewhere like Canada, or some of the European countries I've been to, I might take it.

twentyonemile

Hey Amberfinn,

This is very interesting for me because I did summer camp work a few years back and I too did it in PA. I wonder if it was the same camp?! (Or one of the nearby rivals...;)

Either way I genuinely know how you feel, but my best advice is to test the water before diving in. Do a few more summers there then look at some more traveling around. I've lived/worked stateside several times and there is both amazing and awful sides to it.

Drop me a message if you want, I'll give you the details.

amberfinn53

twentyonemile wrote: »

Hey Amberfinn,

This is very interesting for me because I did summer camp work a few years back and I too did it in PA. I wonder if it was the same camp?! (Or one of the nearby rivals...;)

Either way I genuinely know how you feel, but my best advice is to test the water before diving in. Do a few more summers there then look at some more traveling around. I've lived/worked stateside several times and there is both amazing and awful sides to it.

Drop me a message if you want, I'll give you the details.

Oh :T I was at smymca in wernersville, does that mean anything to you? :rotfl:

Oh completely I plan on working out there a few more times then create a plan as it would take a fair while anyway as getting into the USA is not easy :cool: I just need to meet a lovely American, that would be a good starting point :rotfl:

Seriously I'm finding it so fascinating reading everyone's different stories and experiences on the feeling of 'home'

jaylee3

view wrote: »

I hear loads of stories about people moving to Oz thinking their lives will change miraculously all because of that big ball of yellow in the sky, it's nowhere near that easy and day in day out of hot weather becomes tedious after a while.

People can find it hard to separate that 'holiday' feeling with real life. You most likely will still have to set the alarm, go to work, suffer traffic jams, have to pay bills etc.. etc..

Agree with this. So many people I know/have known have moved to Oz thinking it's soooooo great, just because it's warm most of the year, even thinking that their friends/colleagues etc will be really jealous of them. They go for one holiday and say 'people are so friendly, it's so warm, everything is so cheap, the lifestyle is so much better yada yada yada.

And then they end up coming back because it's not what they they expected it to be. They discover that being on holiday is completely different to living there as a citizen, and that the heat is unbearable half the year.

It may be OK for some, especially the people born there, but frankly, NOTHING about living in Australia appeals to me, and it's so so so far away from EVERYthing.

As for the OP. I do actually feel 100% at home in the UK and would never ever ever move.