How do I go about getting access to my daughter? Help needed

beckett110

Right I dont know where to start with this but me and my wife split up at the end of April. She 2 kids, one of which is mine and the other is from a previous relationship. Ever since we separated she has kept saying that I cant see my daughter and so far she has always changed it. Today she has told me to go through the courts to see my daughter but I have no idea where to start.

I have read previous posts on here and from what I gather I will need to go through a solicitor in order to get a court order to see my daughter. I am planning on ringing citizens advice tomorrow but they are closed now. The main problem is that I dont know how much it will cost me through a solicitor, I work full time and have quite a few debts so am worried about going through a solicitor and it costing me a fortune.

I have got the forms off CSA to fill in as my wife is on income support so CSA have no choice but to get involved. I just need to fill in a few more details and attach the receipts that I have before I can send it off so they can work out how much I need to pay.

I would pay anything to see my daughter but the problem is I currently dont have a lot to pay with. Can anyone give me any advice on where I start with all this. My daughter was 1 in April and I just want to get this sorted as soon as possible as the thought of not seeing her just breaks my heart.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Zara33

No practical advice sorry just wanted to wish you the best of luck!

alwaysonthego_2

sourced from citizens advice bureau website, good luck



Children at the end of a marriage



Once the marriage ends, you'll have to decide who will look after the children.


You may be able to make arrangements between yourselves about where the children live and contact with the other parent. However, if this is not possible, the court can make the decisions for you.


Many couples split up but never get divorced. If you separate informally, you may not ever need to go to court. You can make arrangements for the children that may last forever. But if it is not possible to sort out the arrangements, the court can make decisions.


If you are getting a divorce, the court will not grant the divorce until it has looked at the arrangements for the children. You'll have to give the names of all dependent children of the family. A dependant child is one who is under 16 or under 19 if in full-time education. It includes children who are the children of both partners together, adopted children, step-children and any children who have been treated as part of the family. It doesn't include foster children.


You have to give details of how the children will be looked after. You'll need to say where the children will live and who they will live with, as well as the financial arrangements for their support. The court's main concern will be to decide what's in the best interests of the children. If the arrangements are acceptable to both parents, the court will not make decisions concerning the child. It will only make decisions where this is necessary to sort out a disagreement about arrangements. Decisions made by the court are called orders.


You could get help from a mediator to make arrangements about the children - see under heading Family mediation.


If you are thinking of going to court about arrangements for your children, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor or go to a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.


What orders can a court make about children



A court will only make an order concerning children if it feels it is in the best interests of the children to do so. A court can make orders about:

• who the child should live with (a residence order)
• who the child should have contact with and what sort of contact it should be (a contact order).

Residence orders



The court can make a residence order in favour of:

• one parent. This means that the child must live with that parent
• both parents. One residence order can be made for both parents, even if they are not living together. The order will say how much time the child will live with each parent
• each parent. Each parent will have a separate order saying how much time the child will live with them.

Contact orders



The court will normally expect you and your partner to make your own arrangements about maintaining contact with your children. The court will only make a court order if you can't agree.


The contact order may include conditions. It may also say what sort of contact you can have, for example, visiting, telephoning or writing letters. Orders can also be made to allow contact between a child and other relatives or friends.


For more information, in England and Wales, on how to make arrangements about your children when you split up with your partner, see Parents Apart on the Advicenow website at: www.advicenow.org.uk.




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Financial arrangements at the end of a marriage



At the end of a marriage, both parents are responsible for supporting the children financially, regardless of where the children will live.


You can also apply for financial support (maintenance) from your partner. You can do this whether you have children or not. There are three possible ways to arrange financial support:

• by agreement
• through the Child Support Agency
• through the courts.

You can get help to agree financial arrangements - see under heading Family mediation.


Agreeing financial support



If you both agree to financial support, this is called a voluntary agreement. It can be written down or it could be a verbal agreement.


You can agree, for example, that one of you will make weekly payments to the other for the support of children, or will meet rent or mortgage payments and household bills or pay for the children's clothing and holidays.


Before you agree on a package of financial support, it may be useful to get legal advice about whether it is an appropriate arrangement. It may be useful to have an agreement written up by a solicitor in case of future dispute. You might get help with the costs of making a voluntary agreement.


For more information about help with legal costs, see Help with legal costs, or in Northern Ireland Help with legal costs.


Child Support Agency (CSA)



The Child Support Agency (CSA) assesses and collects payments for children who are under 16 (under 19 if they are in full-time non-advanced education). If your marriage has ended, and you claim Income Support or income-based Jobseeker's Allowance, you will normally have to use the CSA to get financial support for your children. If you claim Working Tax Credit or Child Tax Credit, you don't have to use the CSA.


For more information about getting financial support for your children through the CSA, see Child support for parents who live apart.


Court orders



You can apply for a court order for financial support at the end of a marriage. The court will consider all financial circumstances of both partners, including pension arrangements. In some circumstances, the court can also make an order for financial support for the children.


A court can make an order for regular payments to be made or for a one-off lump sum. It can also make an order about pension arrangements.


You might get help with legal costs when you apply to court for financial support. However, you might have to pay some of the legal costs back, out of money or property you are given by the court order. This is called the statutory charge. Make sure your solicitor explains the statutory charge properly to you before you start court action. Where pension arrangements are involved, you should also consider getting specialist financial advice.


For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.

nekde01

Hi beckett110. Had a similiar situation when I got divorced. I used my union soliciter for free advice at first. So if you are in a union give them a call. My daughter was 18months when I split up and now she is 15!!! It took lots of gentle persuasion and a long time before I got adequate time with her but it was worth it . I found the family courts sympathetic to me but they kept emphasising my daughters age and that she needed her Mother more than me. Which looking back is true. It took a while to get overnight access( 18 month) and a lot depends on where you are living as they will probably visit to assess your capabilities. I now have her whenever she wants to come which is normally 3-4 nights a week, but as she is now a teenager no-one could stop her. Good luck and dont despare as little kids grow to be big kids and they can make their own minds up. Remember the softly-softly approach with your ex might be the best in the long term and the cheapest!

seven-day-weekend

Good luck, I wish you every success.

poe.tuesday

I think you should ask her what she thinks this is doing to your child?

just because you have split up does not mean that you are not a dad any more, ask her why she is using your child as a pawn, surely she means more than that?

be brutally honest with your ex, tell her that both of you have got to put your daughter first

beckett110

poe.tuesday wrote: »

I think you should ask her what she thinks this is doing to your child?

just because you have split up does not mean that you are not a dad any more, ask her why she is using your child as a pawn, surely she means more than that?

be brutally honest with your ex, tell her that both of you have got to put your daughter first

Thanks that would be a good idea for most people but it doesnt with my wife as she keeps using the kids to get what she wants and when she doesnt she backs down and changes her mind. She will probably change her mind tomorrow but I need to put something in place to stop her from using them to try and control my life.

At the moment she just keeps trying to tell me what a bad father I am at every opportunity. Deep down I think she knows that its not in the best interests for the kids but she is too caught up in hating me and trying to hurt me, even though she ended the marriage.

I will ring citizens advice tomorrow and see what they suggest.

poe.tuesday

good luck honey, it's madning when people use their children to get back at their partners.

you go and fight for your daughter and you are not a bad father, just keep positive and you will come through

hobo28

Hi mate.

Do you actually see your daughter now or is there no access at all?

If she cannot/will not agree then you have to take her to court. But first consider if she would pay any attention? Some ppl will, others will not. Unfortunately court orders are often ignored and all the courts will do is issue another! So my point is that even that may not be the answer to your prayers.

Depending on what you earn and what assets you have, you may be entitled to legal aid. A solicitor will be able to advise you better.

Lastly if you cannot afford a solicitor, you can actually represent yourself. Its a daunting task but there are plenty of sites on the Internet which can help. I'd only recommend that as a last resort.

Pandora123_2

If your wife continues to refuse to allow you access, whilst you are pursuing your legal options to gain access, you might think about writing letters to your daughter telling her how much you love and miss her. I know she is far too young to read them, but you could keep them in a safe place and when she is older, she may better appreciate that you desperately wanted to see her but couldn't. If your wife is using your daughter in such an immature and inappropriate way, and if she is telling you that you are a bad father, it would be no surprise if she bad-mouths you to your daughter when she is old enough to understand. Which I think would make the letters all the more important.

:A

arthur_dent_2

When will this country grow up for heavens sake.

To any women who are not allowing the (decent) fathers of their children access, grow up and get real. I am sick to death of reading cases where the poor dads are used as little more than a wallet.

Children have two parents and assuming that they have both been good parents up to the split then they should both be good parents after the split.

We live in a society that believes in the equal treatment of men and women and yet when it comes to childcare we seem to go back to the dark ages.

Good luck with the fight to see your child and I hope the draconian courts system sees fit to give you equal custody.