Confidence shot tto pieces after leaving violent relationship...

juicyl

You left an abusive relationship. That takes strength! Never forget that. Your confidence is low because of the messages you will have received from your partner over the last 7 years. Take time to heal and realise your own worth before you worry about finding someone new. I really respect you for your strength, and hope you will soon recognise it in yourself. x

paulineb_2

I agree with others. It's your confidence you need to work on before thinking of meeting someone else.

LittleButterfly

Thank you -really great advice and I will definitely try writing things down that make me feel better.

It's strange because as far as I was concerned, it was only a couple of kisses. We didn't exchange numbers - I wasn't thinking too much about it really - other than the embarrasment of Monday at work

It was when he messaged a few times and then just all of a sudden stopped, that I felt I had obviously done something wrong or that he had seen me at work or something and realised that he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I didn't message him back. Bumped into him after he hadn't messaged back for a few days and it was awkward as hell. I don't feel I have come on too strong - I have never chased a response from him, he 'made the move' on the night, and he was the first to mail. I haven't spoken about my previous relationship...he mentioned that night that his ex was a psycho and I said "you could set her up with mine - he's a pyscho as well!" That was it and it was playful.

I would never dare ask him if he even liked me never mind if I was fat and ugly lol. I paint a very good picture of being confident, successful and juggling that with the kids but inside I am falling apart.

Fosterdog

There are so many reasons for the flirting to stop and they don't mean you are fat and ugly.

Not everyone has the same tastes so even if he isn't attracted to you it doesn't mean that nobody is/ever will be.

Maybe the guy has found out you've been badly treated and doesn't want to rush you into anything, you need time to get over what you went through and it will take time but it will get easier.

Have a look at the drum to fab thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4931304

Lot of support from people trying to feel better about themselves, some have been through similar to you, some have just lost confidence and others have just got stuck in a rut. You need to do things to boost your confidence for yourself, not to find another man. If or when you are ready, or if you meet the right guy then great but you don't need a man to make you happy.

I really hope you find a way through this, and just remember what you are feeling now is just a minor set back, there will be more of them along the way but you have already come so far and have done the hardest part by getting away from the bad relationship.

Mojisola

LittleButterfly wrote: »

It was when he messaged a few times and then just all of a sudden stopped, that I felt I had obviously done something wrong or that he had seen me at work or something and realised that he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I paint a very good picture of being confident, successful and juggling that with the kids but inside I am falling apart.

There's also the possibility that he thinks you're out of his league and that he is just as wracked by nerves and self-doubt as you are.

ellay864

Well done on getting out of that relationship, now just give yourself time to like yourself properly. When my marriage ended (no violence, he left me for another woman) I was also left with two young kids and confidence at rock bottom, and at just 6 months after I wouldn't have been ready for a new relationship. Regardless of what's gone before, sometimes you have dates that are instant sucess, but the majority won't be...you have to kiss a few frogs as they say. I dated several guys - some I met and just didn't want to take things further, others I liked but they didn't want things to go further, and there was one major crush that left me feeling like a lovesick teenager at the age of 38! And like you many people thought I was coping brilliantly when the truth was I felt tired doing the whole single mum thing, felt unloved, and felt a failure.
Enjoy any flirting or attention that comes your way but don't read too much into everything. And don't think that if it doesn't work out it's your fault with how you look etc. Sometimes they're just not that into you, not your fault, not his, just one of those things. It will get easier I promise