Advice for coping with 'boomerang' young adults

themull1

Do what i do with my kids, if they leave lights on when they go out, they have to give me 50p,!!

paulsad

A 1 bedroom bungalow did it for me

Bennifred

He needs reminding that he is a man now, and that men have responsibilities.

What are his aspirations for the future? How does he plan on getting there?

pickledonionspaceraider

Yes hes got plans and has put realistic moves in place to get there, and im not worried about the future for him - the issue is more about how to get through the next few months without tearing strips off each other and still manage to retain a relationship with my son at the end of it all

CH27

Don't fall back into the teenager/parent trap.
Your are both adults & he needs to behave like one.

Tell him once what your expectations of him as an adult are & what the consequence will be if he doesn't behave like an adult.

hazyjo

Don't make it so comfortable for him.

If he leaves dirty plates, etc, pile them up in his room on newspaper or something.

Don't do his washing, ironing - nothing. Let him do all that himself if he isn't already.

Good advice above - would definitely remove the lightbulb or fine him.

He should also be taking on more chores if he's not working. My BF is at home all day and I work and he does EVERYTHING indoors.

Jx

pmlindyloo

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Yes hes got plans and has put realistic moves in place to get there, and im not worried about the future for him - the issue is more about how to get through the next few months without tearing strips off each other and still manage to retain a relationship with my son at the end of it all

I feel your pain

It is all well and good people saying 'do this, do that - he's a grown up and needs to learn' but in reality it's a pain in the ****.

I always felt that I must have done something wrong when mine were younger as it was a constant battle when they were teenagers and I was always nagging, threatening this that and the other but at times it was like world war 3.

My only saving grace is that now they are in their late twenties they are a joy - helpful, respectful blah blah blah so I must have done something right.

Problem is when they return the peacefulness is a thing of the past and you have to start all over again (and feel a bit resentful that you have to!)

I am guessing that your son is in his early twenties. Seems to me that he still sees your house as his home and very easily slips back to how it was before. I think my kids now view themselves more like visitors (if that makes sense) Helps that we moved when they left 'home'.

Am not going to bother with any suggestions. You might want to choose the easy life, shut the door on his room and have a moan about things every now and then.

Or you could take up some of the suggestions here but be prepared for arguments/horrid atmospheres and great resentment (on both your parts)

I expect you're guessing which one I'd choose!


Good luck!

Mojisola

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

The homeless thing, really isn't an option. He has no floors he can doss on. It is tempting, but really isn't as easy as that in our situation

That isn't really your problem. He's got the choice of acting like another adult in the household or looking for somewhere else to live.

If there isn't anywhere he can go, he's got one option.

meer53

Just keep nagging. It will annoy him more than it will you. Your house, your rules. Leave him a list each day.

Just think of it as a type of learning, a bit like a puppy ! How old is he ?

I too would recommend the no washing or ironing strategy, although my son would have happliy worn unironed clothes.

wapow

It is tough. I'll give you that. But this really boils down to one things....


How far are you willing to go?




On another note, a few things id like to point out. You say its always you asking him to do stuff. Do you not have a partner and if so, do they not chip in with you? If its just one person doing it, not only do they see you as the enemy but they start to keep their distance from you as they get older. Its time you stopped doing this and work together.


You cant beat this type of behaviour by doing things like taking away his lightbulb. Its too insignificant of a gesture.


Someone already said don't wash his clothes. Take away his phones and computers. This though might make your child lash out. Im not sure how they were raised but at the moment he knows he can get away with it and someone in the family is too soft to do anything.


Like I say, how far are you willing to go? Both partners need to get together and kick him out. Let him fend for himself because this is what he needs in order to realise that you as parents are not jokes to be pushed about and you will not put up with his crap.


Guess you wont go there though as youre too soft to do this.


Harping away day and night is nothing. Some kids just drone it out. It doesn't affect them. When you stop feeding them and do not give them free reign over the house to take what they want and do what they want they will either start to behave or do something extreme that's why its best you chuck him out and then let him come back.


Lets say you do chuck him out and he comes back. Both partners should sit down and set out rules and say if he breaks any ONE of them he'll be on his arzse again and then if he comes back again, don't let him. Extend it for a week before accepting him. He does it again, three weeks AFTEr he is ready to get back to you. Does it again etc etc you get the idea.