Advice for coping with 'boomerang' young adults

pickledonionspaceraider

H..........................

meer53

Why isn't he paying any board ? I assume he's claiming benefit ? He should pay you something. Tough love is whats needed really.

If he has less money to "hang around with friends" he might be more interested in finding a job.

Indie_Kid

Why are you letting him stay without contributing?

Brighton_belle

So when he came to you and said, mum and dad, I need to move back in for a while is that ok, what discussion took place about board and household chores etc?


You are the bill payers here, it is ok to have boundaries and obligations.
Dare I suggest that a bout of homelessness might make him grow up? When he is sleeping on mates floors, he might realise what's needed to be a decent housemate to anyone.

themull1

He needs to sign on then.

geoffky

Never let a cuckoo back into the nest...

Mojisola

All the control is in your hands. If he wants to live in your house, he has to contribute - either with money or by doing chores or a combination.

If he doesn't want to man up, let him sofa surf with friends for a few weeks and see how they put up with him not contributing!

pollypenny

My two did this for years it seems. They did pay board and lodge, though. DS also mowed the lawn.

It's not easy!

Bennifred

There needs to be some boundaries set.

You need to sit down with him and have a conversation about how he intends to pay his way in your household. If he doesn't have a job then he needs to sign on and use that money to pay for his food and a share of the household bills.

He should also be pulling his weight with regard to household chores. How many meals a week is he cooking? If he isn't working and everyone else in the household is, then he should be doing most of the cleaning/laundry etc.

If he isn't prepared to pull his weight then you need to tell him that he is an adult now and should find somewhere else to live (even if you won't actually throw him out).

What has he been doing for the last 8 months?

Mojisola

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

We don't feel bad about having boundaries and obligations - feel justified with what we are expecting etc, the problem is even after we have highlighted them so everyone knows where they stand - hence try and avoid this situation, I am still having to repeat them on a daily basis

He's behaving like a child. Pull him up on it and tell him to behave like an adult.

Mojisola

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

You know when you get used to living a certain way, and suddenly you are back to square one again, that is a bit how I feel

By behaving like a child, he's pushing you into behaving like a parent again. Don't play that game with him.