When people turn out to be not nice as you thought

troubleinparadise

If I turn this the other way round, I've had a few occasions where a good friend has either criticised me or told me a home truth I didn't like; which hurt, but only because of what I was hearing and realising I was in the wrong.

So if someone I like, respect and admire and whose friendship I value says something that maybe goes against what I was thinking - they're very likely right!

I had cause to have a difficult conversation with a very good friend who was behaving very out of character and upsetting people with no obvious cause and many people (including her husband) had become very unhappy with her - and she was so angry at what she perceived as intrusive and hurtful she couldn't speak to me again, and the friendship has ended.

So perhaps she didn't value my friendship nor my judgement as much as I did hers - and she's still behaving like that anyway. And the husband is still asking other people to speak to her because he can't get through to her. Some people just won't listen!

With hindsight, I'd just have backed off and reduced contact which would have meant less fallout for me. Perhaps that will be your best course of action, especially as this isn't your "fight", but forewarned is forearmed, and find other friendships that might be a little more balanced.

GobbledyGook

I'm going to try and not be too bothered if she does fall out with me for having an opinion she disagreed with - she asked me what I thought so if she does't like the answer then that's her problem.

Pre-madonna made me laugh. My OH says I should ditch her on the basis that she always uses "bizzy" as an excuse

I'm just going to leave the ball in her court, but I'm not bothered if she ignores me. She's not exactly a great friend - always in need, but never around if I need anything.

She'll only spend the next month or two going on about all the things her brother's wife did wrong around the wedding. I dread to think of the ructions if the poor couple dare to have a child!

Thanks everyone. Gemma x

Indie_Kid

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It's more the straw that broke the camel's back tbh. She's always been high maintenance in terms of she expects a lot - she gets huffy if you don't contact her enough or gets moody if you have to change the weekly get together, even though she changes it often.

I used to know someone like this. He used to moan because we couldn't see each other for a few weeks or as happened one time, I had to leave early, which he wasn't happy about.

I wasn't happy with being contacted 24/7 and told him this. He then told me I'm a !!!! friend and I need to look up what the definition of frienship is.:mad: I've not spoken to him since. Thankfully, I don't bump into him either. It appears that he was blaming me for all of this. But I wasn't the one wanting attention all the time and moaning when I didn't get my own way.

FBaby

If you only thought she was ok she was never really a friend to start with. I would never say my friends are ok they are all great and that's why I'm lucky to be their friend.

sulkisu

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Basically she split up with her husband almost a year year ago (the day after her brother announced his engagement). There has been running jokes in her family and with her friends about what she was going to do to bring the attention back to her at the time of the wedding, which I thought was mean....

However she and the husband got back together on Monday night. She announced it to her family on Tuesday night and yesterday kicked off big time when her brother invited her husband to the night do of the wedding.

They are having a tiny wedding and they are limited to 24 people at the meal for fire regulations. She actually thinks they should uninvite someone because her husband is family. Her brother did say that if someone else pulls out last minute then obviously her husband is welcome, but there is nothing they can do about the limit the hotel has for the room.

She's probably not going to talk to me again anyway because she asked me outright if I thought she was being unfair to feel the way she did - obviously she was expecting me to agree that her brother's fianc!e (who she dislikes) was a big bad wolf who was being evi.

It's just making me rethink lots of things I've brushed off. Maybes my issue is less 'rubbish friend' and more over analysing!

Thanks. Gemma x

Perhaps I'm being really thick OP, but what has your friend actually done to YOU? She may have been rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate as far as her brother is concerned, but I am struggling to understand why you are so !!!!ed off about it. Surely that is between her family and her?


Why presume that she won't be seaking to you now because you voiced an opinion? Why not wait to see if that happens and then react? If you don't want to be friends with her, then dont be. You don't need an excuse.

mrcow

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Then tell her why she's behaving like a pre-madonna.

I absolutely love this!

It's really made me smile after what has been quite a difficult week. :kisses3:

Kayalana99

sulkisu wrote: »

Perhaps I'm being really thick OP, but what has your friend actually done to YOU? She may have been rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate as far as her brother is concerned, but I am struggling to understand why you are so !!!!ed off about it. Surely that is between her family and her?


Why presume that she won't be seaking to you now because you voiced an opinion? Why not wait to see if that happens and then react? If you don't want to be friends with her, then dont be. You don't need an excuse.

Isn't it obvious friend hasn't done anything to the OP, but she has seen her in her true colours wanting to wreck her brothers wedding day.

End day if she doesn't want to be friends with someone like that then so be it - and just to add it does sound like they have had a bit of a fight about it when OP said she was being self centred.
She does sound a lot worse then the friend I have in the 2nd post.

Brighton_belle

sulkisu wrote: »

Perhaps I'm being really thick OP, but what has your friend actually done to YOU? She may have been rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate as far as her brother is concerned, but I am struggling to understand why you are so !!!!ed off about it. Surely that is between her family and her?

Because someone's moral and ethical behaviour towards other forms part of my judgement over whether to be friends with someone. It's a guide to their character.

pollypenny

I was cold shouldered by a 'friend' some years ago. No idea what I'd done snd cried buckets over it.

However, she said some nasty about another friend one day and I realised that she's not worth bothering about.

One of those people who has to have a new best friends, after dumping the others.
A few years ago she was calling the present BF a biatch!

GobbledyGook

sulkisu wrote: »

Perhaps I'm being really thick OP, but what has your friend actually done to YOU? She may have been rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate as far as her brother is concerned, but I am struggling to understand why you are so !!!!ed off about it. Surely that is between her family and her?


Why presume that she won't be seaking to you now because you voiced an opinion? Why not wait to see if that happens and then react? If you don't want to be friends with her, then dont be. You don't need an excuse.

I suppose she didn't do anything to me when I first started thinking about it, but her behaviour made me realise that other people were right.

It's not just that she's been rude about the wedding she's now deliberately trying to cause the maximum amount of trouble so close to the wedding simply because she isn't getting he own way. Combined with the very suspicious timing (she hated the husband when we spoke on Friday...) I think it's all deliberate to cause trouble because the attention isn't on her. Which makes her not a very nice person.

One day that could be me that gets turned on and it made me realise all the times it ended up being all about her...

Also her reaction when she asked my opinion makes me fairly sure I'll not hear anything from her, well not anything pleasant anyway.

I more posted because I hate the feeling that I can't trust my own judgement. I'm too trusting and again it's been the wrong decision.