need to get this off my chest

Smashing

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have a weekend sans kids, but I do think he is going about it in completely the wrong way.

That said, why is he not paying child support? He hasn't got a leg to stand on at the moment if he is not paying maintenance.

Loretta

No onehas suggested he can't go out at the weekend, he just does what the rest of us do, he gets a babysitter! Perhaps he would like her to arrange this as well for him, she could pay for it too!! we don't want this father to be inconvenienced at all do we?

findingmyownway wrote: »

Hmmm

Going against the grain a little here but i kind of see where he is coming from. I guess in his mind he is 'never' able to go out on a weekend night. I assume you work during the day (feel free to correct me if i'm wrong) so maybe he thinks you get chance to go out on the town after work and he doesn't. I know you probably don't party the night away if you have to work the next day but in his mind you could.

I don't know what the solution is but i do know it will come down to compromise. Maybe rather than give him 1 whole weekend 'off' one of you could arrange for his parents to have the kids overnight on the saturday for a change.

Its easy to blame the new girlfriend but its not always productive.

findingmyownway

Loretta - i do not wish to argue with you. I was merely trying to see this guy's point of view with the aim of helping the OP consider other options.

If i was him, and i only saw my kids at the weekend, i wouldn't feel like getting a babysitter TBH. Its his time with them and i am sure he values it. The issue isn't that he doesn't want to see the kids, just that he would like some time to go out too.

I agree with a poster above who suggested that kids spending more time with Dad midweek might benefit both parties - then the OP can get college work / chillout time and maybe Ex wouldn't be against getting a babysitter for the weekends if he feels like he is spending plenty time with the kids aready.

Regarding the finances, i don't think we know enough about the situation to comment, but he should certainly be paying maintainance (although if he has them 2-3 nights, every week, it might not turn out to be much anyway by CSA calculations, depends how much he earns obviously)

susiesue_2

Loretta wrote: »

No onehas suggested he can't go out at the weekend, he just does what the rest of us do, he gets a babysitter! Perhaps he would like her to arrange this as well for him, she could pay for it too!! we don't want this father to be inconvenienced at all do we?

thats exactly what he wants me to do!! do you know him??:rotfl: he said "why am i the one who always has to arrange a sitter on the weekend?"
because thats your time with them i said:mad: if you don't want/can't have them, you sort it out as i have to in the week.

he does pay money to me for them but it doesn't go far(i don't need to say that do i?) i have to buy all the clothes, school trips hair cuts ect. i even had to give him back £1 brownie money when he dropped her there 1 time. i don't ask for anything for myself, nor will i. i also said i won't touch his pension, its an electricity board pension which he has been in since he was 18 and is worth a lot.
he will occasionly have them for tea in the week, but i still end up having to feed them when they get home as he doesn't cook.

i would dearly love to give up working, i don't hate my job but would much rather be at home, belive me i have so much to do but the abbey national still want their money each month.
i feel like chucking uni in an getting a small part time job, but i try and teach the kids to be the best they can be and not to give up at the 1st hurdle(this is about the 90th tho lol) they are so proud that their mom is at school too. i tell them what job im going to do when i finish and how i won't be so stressed out. they have been through so much i want to do it for them as much as me.
im just worn out with the whole thing and im rambling now and probably not making much sence. it helps to get it out, im fed up of boring my sister with it who has the patience of a saint.
im going to bed now.
night y'all.

ailuro2

He probably wants to head up to Scotland for the weekend- let him do it just the once, but charge him double for the babysitting you will need.

With any luck he'll move there permanently and get out of your hair for good- he sounds like a big kid himself- not even being able to cook for his kids- that's truly awful- my DH is no cook but he can manage soup and a sandwich when he is home with my dd and I'm out...

findingmyownway

ailuro2 wrote: »

He probably wants to head up to Scotland for the weekend- let him do it just the once, but charge him double for the babysitting you will need.

With any luck he'll move there permanently and get out of your hair for good...

Not really what the OP wants, OR whats best for the kids!

Katmc2k

Can I just say STICK IN AT UNI! I graduated on Friday and it was a brilliant feeling. You only have a year to go until you can get a better job and not have to work weekends (I assume?) which should ease some of the problems. This man sounds difficult and pretty selfish-don't let him ruin your career and self development with his demands.

borderlakland

when i 1st split with ex we had shared care he had the kids every week from thurs after school till sat lunch then alternate weeks he had them til mon when he took them to school.if he wanted to go out or work o/t whilst the kids were with him it was up2 him to sort out childcare just the same as i would have to do.this affected the money i got from the csa but in all fairness he was paying for their food etc when they stayed at his.we also each bought the clothes they kept at both houses.
if he does insist on only having them for 3 weekends is it poss to talk to your employer about it and poss working a bit extra on the 3 weekends you do work.(not fair i know but if no alternative)
as far as uni goes please please don't give it up.you have worked so hard to get this far,your kids will be so proud of you and you can be proud of yourself for doing it dispite all the problems.you will be able to get yourself a good job and won't have to rely on your ex at the weekends.then you can(justfiably)stick 2 fingers up at him and say i did it:D
don't worry about rambling i know how you feel its good sometimes to have a good rant and moan we all need to at some point

Loretta

Of course I know him, I was married to him too along with several other people on this board, the world is full of people like him!!

You only have another year to go and then you will be free of this idiot, it will be worth it.

I suppose it hasn't occurred to him that if he paid for his children you would not have to work at the weekend and he would not have to give up his time taking on his responsibilities. It may be worth suggesting this. Just because this is obvious to you and me it may not be obvious to him as he seems to have so little common sense.

Good luck you will come out of this OK but he will probably be like this for ever and he will be the loser

susiesue wrote: »

thats exactly what he wants me to do!! do you know him??:rotfl: he said "why am i the one who always has to arrange a sitter on the weekend?"
because thats your time with them i said:mad: if you don't want/can't have them, you sort it out as i have to in the week.

he does pay money to me for them but it doesn't go far(i don't need to say that do i?) i have to buy all the clothes, school trips hair cuts ect. i even had to give him back £1 brownie money when he dropped her there 1 time. i don't ask for anything for myself, nor will i. i also said i won't touch his pension, its an electricity board pension which he has been in since he was 18 and is worth a lot.
he will occasionly have them for tea in the week, but i still end up having to feed them when they get home as he doesn't cook.

i would dearly love to give up working, i don't hate my job but would much rather be at home, belive me i have so much to do but the abbey national still want their money each month.
i feel like chucking uni in an getting a small part time job, but i try and teach the kids to be the best they can be and not to give up at the 1st hurdle(this is about the 90th tho lol) they are so proud that their mom is at school too. i tell them what job im going to do when i finish and how i won't be so stressed out. they have been through so much i want to do it for them as much as me.
im just worn out with the whole thing and im rambling now and probably not making much sence. it helps to get it out, im fed up of boring my sister with it who has the patience of a saint.
im going to bed now.
night y'all.