Legal or moral right over ashes

paigesaunt

Looking for general opinions here.
Briefly, mum remarried in 1986 after dads death, lived happily with step dad until her death in Jan 2013.

It was widely known in the family that mum wanted to join dad as the father of her children, step dad would join his 1st wife, and mother of his children. Nothing in writing, but double plot bought at the time of dad's death and room left on headstone for mum, mum and dads plot is next to my sisters who was killed in an accident (dad and sister cremated and ashes interred)

Step dad didn't want mums ashes buried with dad until his death, which we have honoured.

Since mums death, I have heard several times, step sister will be dealing with step dads arrangements, and mums ashes are to be buried with step dad when the time comes.

I have recently found out that step dads first wife's ashes were scattered in crematorium, and I have every reason to believe step sister will do the same with her dads (it's cheaper) and my mums if I don't do something now.

I always believed I would be able to take mums ashes from the house upon the death of step dad, that is until today, when I left step dads house vowing never to return. Step sister seems intent on destroying my relationship with her dad, and has finally succeeded, not sure if she thinks he has a stash of money she can milk from him, that seems to be the only thing important to her.

My family are useless, so it's left to me, as was the full time care for mum in her last 3 years of life.
I was blessed to have had the most wonderful mother, who worshipped the ground I walked on, and if I'm honest I'm still struggling with loosing her.

Do I have any rights legally or morally over the ashes, would it be inappropriate to send a letter to step dad saying that we want mums ashes returned to us upon his death.
I really don't know what to do, all I can think of is, if step sister (in name only, never had much to do with his side) does sprinkle mums ashes, they're gone forever, and believe me, some of the dirty tricks she's got up to over the last year, it's a real possibility, very vindictive woman.

Step dad is 88, and has recently been quite I'll, on the mend now, but it was a wake up call that he could go at any time.

Thought would be appreciated

Flugelhorn

You could always split the ashes - some could be buried with step dad and some with dad.
A friend wanted to have his ashes scattered in a special place abroad however there was some family pressure to have them buried in the UK - so it was 50:50 and everyone was happy.

madbadrob

Legally the person who paid for the cremation is the owner of the ashes. Morally you as a child of the deceased should be.

As step dad made a will? If so has he mentioned in there that mums ashes are to be returned to yourselves? Did your mum leave a will stating she wanted to be buried with her first husband? If so there are grounds there to have this done.

I would ask step dad if he would let you take the ashes now and explain why you are asking. Why should the step sister muddy the relationship you clearly have with your step dad. He is after all not to blame for her attitude

Rob

paigesaunt

Mum had a small insurance policy that I paid for monthly, dad didn't have any, so I took it out to avoid the worry if paying for mums funeral, that was 28 years ago. Mum left the policy to me in her will (as I was paying presumably) I used all but £500 of the insurance on her funeral, the remainder is set aside for the ashes to be interred with dad.
Step dad has a will, nothing in either about wishes after death.

I think this is where the resentment stems from to be honest, although they know how much the funeral was, so know there is very little left over.
Don't think I could split mum, besides she wanted to be with dad, whom she adored.

So legally, I could take mum now? But morally wrong to upset an old man, which I imagine would be most peoples honest opinion, including mine.
Thanks for you input, it is much appreciated