Online dating awkardness

Chlorine7

I was also a bit reluctant to go on there just in case someone I know was on there too - lo and behold someone I met via my ex was on there. Hopefully he doesn't recognise me...

Are most guys on there nutters? I seem to be getting messages from a lot of strange 25 yr olds.

paulineb_2

You can set your age filters so that people who are a certain age cant message you.

Stephb1986_2

I think that online dating is more "normal" now and there is nothing to feel awkward about everyone is there for the same reason "hopefully" I met my h2b on online dating 7 years ago and we get married this Saturday

Just take your time and enjoy yourself but most of all be safe make sure someone know's where you're going, who with etc.

Good luck

Steph x

Rachylou1981

SailorSam wrote: »

Rach if you think you're going to get a better service the more you pay for it, then i think you're mistaken. Yes you probably are going to get more wierdos on a free site but, there have been numerous reports about the paid-for dating sites being there just to take your money. Some are well known for actually employing people to write messages to their customers so that they stay on the site and don't leave.
If you're on a free site and you get a message from the nutter, then, then hit the delete button.
When i first joined PoF i felt embarrassed about people knowing and i never posted a photo in case the guy next door or the woman in Tesco saw it and recognised me. But then you realise they're not going to seeit unless they're doing exactly the same as you, wanting to meet someone.

It wasn't about the better service and unfortunately I have heard about the sites paying people to write profiles (disgraceful). The reason I said it was for 2 reasons.

1. From my own experience years ago when the paid for sites seemed to have guys interested in chatting and actually wanting to arrange a date and the free one with just one line messages saying 'hello' or asking me for MSN or Facebook or my number immediately - they just seemed to not care about my personality or chatting in depth which didn't appeal to me.

2. I know a group of lads (friends of my best friend's bf) who went on this free website purely to meet girls for one thing - which is fine if that is what the girl wants as the others can say no but what worried me is that some girls could be duped into thinking these guys wanted a relationship out of it and go ahead wanting something entirely different from the guy.

Of course this is just my personal opinion and I'm sure there are lots of success stories with the free ones as well as the paid ones.

OP - my friend recently met a guy on match and he lived in the same area and they had known eachother since childhood but just did not mix in the same circles (there is also an age gap of 7 years) but they are going strong 2 months in

Anatidaephobia

There's nothing wrong with using dating websites and it certainly doesn't mean that you're desperate. Online dating is just another method of meeting people so it's good to utilise this, especially if you don't have a lot of time or opportunities to meet new people offline.

I've used a few sites in the past, before I met my partner, and actually had more success with a free site than any of the paid ones, but I know others who would say it's the other way around. A combination of the two is probably ideal. Although you feel awkward, my best advice is just to get on with it anyway and talk to people and meet people regardless, even if it all feels a bit strange. Throw yourself into it and see what happens. Nothing to lose!

Also, I have a friend who always complains that dating sites don't work because he joins them then sits back and waits for people to message him. For best results, look through the search at people who live near you and have the right age, gender, interests, etc and send a message to anybody who looks nice or is a possibility. The more people you talk to, the more opportunity there is to find someone you click with.

shiny76

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Are most guys on there nutters? I seem to be getting messages from a lot of strange 25 yr olds.

I doubt it. But I guess it depends on what you define as a nutter. Many might be trying their best to stand out from the crowd by being 'whacky'. There will be nice guys on there.

As for being scared of rejection, you'll need to develop a thick skin for online dating. Many people don't reply to messages, may go quiet after exchanging a few messages or may be (initially) meeting/messaging several people.

Just try to take a light-hearted approach and you should be fine.

Best of luck!
(it worked for me )

Floss

OP, just because your ex appeared to "get over" you quickly doesn't mean you have to start dating again if you don't feel ready.

And I would agree with those who say pay - both me & DH did, we met online 11 years ago past February and face-to-face 11 years on Sunday, we moved in together in 2006 and we got maried in 2010. I never told my mum (just that we were introduced by a mutual friend) and DH's SiL only found out we met on t'interweb at our reception after he made the comment "it's surprising what you can find online!"

Also, accept that some people will be on there because their ex seemed to get on with life very quickly, felt under pressure from friends, got a bit drunk and signed up

Chlorine7

Floss wrote: »

OP, just because your ex appeared to "get over" you quickly doesn't mean you have to start dating again if you don't feel ready.

Yeah, turns out I'm not ready and I have managed to reduce the length of the subscription and get a bit of a refund. I think the actual bigger problem for me is that I am not attracted to very many people.

Floss wrote: »

Also, accept that some people will be on there because their ex seemed to get on with life very quickly, felt under pressure from friends, got a bit drunk and signed up

This made me smile

Chlorine7

shiny76 wrote: »

I doubt it. But I guess it depends on what you define as a nutter. Many might be trying their best to stand out from the crowd by being 'whacky'. There will be nice guys on there.

Best of luck!
(it worked for me )

I mean the ones you email you "Hi, you're so beautiful..." blah blah

And the ones who are clearly lying about their age. You're 45 not 30.

System

I think the actual bigger problem for me is that I am not attracted to very many people.

Nowt wrong with being fussy.

For me its all about ticking the boxes. I've only found one man that could do that in 52 years.