Online dating awkardness

Chlorine7

I joined an online dating site mostly because I was a bit drunk and I figured the best way to get over my ex is the same way he seems to be over me. We keep trying to be friends but it hurts me too much that he moved on so quickly.

I’ve always said I don’t need someone and get annoyed with my friends who seem desperate for a boyfriend. I still don’t need someone but I don’t have a lot of single friends to go out with and I’m a bit old for tarting up in a Club.

I know there are a lot of online dating threads but I don’t want to know if you met anyone etc.

Initially I’d just like some advice on is how to stop feeling a bit awkward and embarrassed for signing up? Did anyone else feel this way at first?

If I feel like this for just signing up then it’s probably going to be clear I feel this way if I ever find the courage to meet/talk to anyone.

Rachylou1981

What I would say is that everyone on the site has obviously signed up for a reason too and so there is no need to feel awkward or embarrassed - you are all in the same boat.

There is no need to disclose you are on there to other people if you don't feel comfortable but obviously you should make someone aware if you begin dating so someone knows where you are and who you are meeting and always do it in a public place - stay safe.

I would definitely say to pay for the online dating website and not use the free ones. In my experience, most of the ones of the free websites are not serious about finding a relationship - which is fine if that is what you want also.

Good luck

Ozzuk

There is absolutely nothing wrong or embarrassing about dating sites. My friends, family and work colleagues know I've used them and I couldn't care in the slightest and nor could they.

First dates can be really difficult but can also be awesome. Try to keep an open mind on the first one as people are often not being themselves - try and avoid the cliched coffee date - sure it is useful for deciding if you don't want to continue but personally I found them tough going. Best first date I had was quiet drink to say hello then onto fruit picking, then eating the food on the beach. Then nearly drowning. Was awesome and memorable.

But really, we live in an electronic age, its completely fine and normal and just enjoy the experience!

Fosterdog

Online dating is not for everyone, I've never joined one and never wanted to, I would find it quite awkward too. I know plenty of people who use the and have met their current husbands/wives through them but they are still not for me.

If you want to meet people but don't want to do the whole nightclub scene, why not join some local groups for things you're interested in? You're more likely to meet someone you have something in common with that way. You are also likely to meet a lot more people who would be considered friends than potential partners.

If you feel so awkward with signing up to a site, just delete your account and forget it ever happened.

BoracicLint

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Initially I’d just like some advice on is how to stop feeling a bit awkward and embarrassed for signing up? Did anyone else feel this way at first?

If I feel like this for just signing up then it’s probably going to be clear I feel this way if I ever find the courage to meet/talk to anyone.

Why do you feel embarassed? Online dating has come a long way and I dont think it carries the same stigma that it used to. I've used Match, eHarmony, and POF in the past. When all your friends are coupled up, its a great way of finding like-minded single people.

Obviously it's understandable that you would be anxious about signing up, I was at first. But saying that, I don't think you'll regret it. The chances are that a lot of people you talk to will have felt the same at some point.

Just embrace the fact that you want to meet new people. You don' t need to make excuses like "I was a bit drunk". Most people will applaude you for having the courage to sign up, and those that don't are usually the ones in long term relationships who don't have the burden of meeting people, or delusional people who think opportunities to meet people will just fall at their feet.

Chlorine7

BoracicLint wrote: »

Why do you feel embarassed?

Obviously it's understandable that you would be anxious about signing up, I was at first. But saying that, I don't think you'll regret it. The chances are that a lot of people you talk to will have felt the same at some point.

Just embrace the fact that you want to meet new people. You don' t need to make excuses like "I was a bit drunk".

Probably because for 10 years I was one of the ones who didn't have the burden of meeting new people. I am also a bit scared of being rejected again.

And yeah, I had set up the profile before getting a bit drunk. The alcohol sort of spurred me on to pay the money.

fivetide

It is the modern way.

You might see someone's profile you like, you might get asked.

My friend met his partner almost through a dating site. She was a member and so was a different friend. They had a date, it was ok but it was clear there was no chemistry. However, friend one thought she would be great for friend two and introduced them which worked out well for everyone (except friend one I guess as he's still single!)

SailorSam

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I would definitely say to pay for the online dating website and not use the free ones.

Rach if you think you're going to get a better service the more you pay for it, then i think you're mistaken. Yes you probably are going to get more wierdos on a free site but, there have been numerous reports about the paid-for dating sites being there just to take your money. Some are well known for actually employing people to write messages to their customers so that they stay on the site and don't leave.
If you're on a free site and you get a message from the nutter, then, then hit the delete button.
When i first joined PoF i felt embarrassed about people knowing and i never posted a photo in case the guy next door or the woman in Tesco saw it and recognised me. But then you realise they're not going to seeit unless they're doing exactly the same as you, wanting to meet someone.

j.e.j.

Just be aware that women far outnumber men on these sites, and a lot of the men are married and just wanting a bit on the side. Not saying all of them are like that, but a fair few of them are, unfortunately.

System

I felt a little embarrassed at first (it took me over a year to tell my mum I met my bf on a dating site as she is part of the older generation and doesn't understand these things) but after a while I stopped caring. It really is no different to meeting someone in a club or elsewhere (which I've done before with disastrous results!). The way I see it at least with online satin I was sober and had chance to get to know someone before taking it further. Plus a lot of relationships start with online dating these days.

It's not for everyone but there's no harm giving it a try, and there's nowt wrong with free sites, I never paid and met a lovely guy (now bf) on POF

squ1rrel5

I am happily married and have a beautiful daughter with a man I met on PoF! Had to filter out a fair few nutters first though!

It can be awkward at first - as can dating in 'the real world' but once you've chatted with a couple of people it will get easier. You don't have to meet everyone you chat to, just use some of them as an opportunity to practice your chats/questions/flirting etc and by the time you find someone you actually want to meet it'll probably flow a bit easier. Dates are always nerve wracking at first but just keep an open mind and you could find your perfect partner!! Just remember what one of the earlier posters said and stay safe. You might not feel comfortable broadcasting your activities to the world but please find at least one person to confide in so you can tell them where you are going. I always gave the exact details to my flat mate, thankfully she never had to use them!!