Depression, anyone?

Pinzy

Eat lots of fruit and veg, get sleep (be it via lavender hand creams or sleep CDs or just making sure your not eating or having caffeine late), get outside to get sunshine and fresh air. All of these do help the chemicals in your brain to work more positively. It's not a complete cure, but I have found it definitely helps with avoiding that slippery slope.

Anouchka

Hi. Just found your post - your situation reminds me of how my life used to be
as I too was a single parent with precious little support from my ( financially well-off) family and my successful siblings. For a lot of the time I also lived less than desirable areas, I was short of money and so on and so on.

As other folk have suggested it may well be helpful to visit your GP and explain how you are feeling. It's easier to fight on when you're at full strength,

Looking back there were various strategies that helped me. For starters I had to accept that things were the way they were and that I had to sort it out. I became very adept at budgeting and saved something every week, even if only a pound. Somehow I found having even only a few pounds in the bank to be a great comfort. I also became a master at finding free/low cost entertainment and days out etc., for my son. At one time holidays were those where I saved vouchers from the Sun. I also scoured charity and second hand shops and car boot sales for clothing, books and toys and learned to customise furniture to make it look as if I had chosen the style rather than that I could only afford to buy second hand.

Sometimes we love to beat ourselves up and it's a good idea to quietly consider just what you actually do have. You clearly love your child dearly and naturally want the best for him (and yes, in the ideal World I too would have loved to live in a smarter area) however you have created a loving, caring home for him which is, unfortunately, a lot more than a lot of children are lucky enough to have.

I suspect I was lucky but I don't feel that my son was particularly influenced by where we lived and anyway our lives didn't revolve around the area where we lived. Fortunately, via a placing request, my son was able to attend a school I was happy with and for that I am very grateful as I think it helped a great deal.

I'm not for a minute going to pretend that everything was happy or easy and admit that for a good number of years my social life was almost non-existent. At times I was just sick to death of counting every penny etc., etc.. However we got there and I am proud to say that my son, who is now nearly 27, is a well-educated, much travelled young man with a lovely girlfriend, his own home (in a very pleasant area!) and a good career - so keep this in mind and stick with it - you'll get there. I can also remember that at times it seemed like this phase of life would never end but, looking back, it now feels as if it all passed in the blink of an eye. Would I turn the clock back if I could? You bet I would ....so make the most of it!
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Regarding your noisy neighbours, I really don't know why people feel the need to behave in this way. I am currently plagued by noise from the flat above me. I have tried talking with them and every legal remedy available to me, all to no avail. However recently things are improving. This is since I bought a powerful stereo system and a very noisy Hoover. I guessed (correctly) that my neighbours are typical selfish bullies so each and every time their noise disturbs me I treat them to loud music and/or loud hoovering (of course don't do this while Environmental Health are around). They are slowly learning that what you give is what you get and it seems to be a language they can understand- of course you have to stay safe but sometimes it pays not to be too passive and it's helped me to feel better about the whole thing.

Anyway, I see you posted several days ago so hope you're feeling a bit more positive now. I'm sure you know that this site is a mine of information and I wish it had been around when my son was young. Best of luck. A[/FONT]

FatVonD

If you can't afford to move to another area swapping like for like could you maybe downsize with a view to extending in the future? We could only afford a two-bedroomed house where we live but by combining the kitchen into what was the dining room we have freed up what was the old kitchen to be an occasional bedroom/study.

dibdabable

You mentioned having been in abusive relationship, have you addressed that. There are plenty of Groups who can give support to people who have been the victim of an abusive relationship. It's really importnat to ensure your own mental well being if you're going to achive a good environment for your child. The very fact that you are striving for a better life for your child shows where your priorities lie which is great.

So a visit to the GP could be used not simply to discuss you feeling down but also about ways you could deal with it. Getting support from others who have been in similar circumstances can give you a huge amount of support and strength. Through those groups there will be lots of advice about where you can if there are other things which would help you. I think people tend to minimise the effect of abusive relationships and think they have to just get on with it, but there is help out there. Being in an abusive relationship can also end up isolating people, friends go away or aren't made to feel welcome because it's easier to just deal with the abuse and nothing else.

I agree absolutely, your care, attention and love of your child will trump your status in life. As long as you have enough to give him/her the things he/she needs as opposed to wants,that will suffice. There are lots of things you can do for free.

You say you feel like a failure, but what have you failed at? You are raising your child on your own, you feed clothe and house her/him and despite not having money for emergencies and extras you have kept a roof above your heads. Despite everything you see as being a negative you're still going.What a success story!!

I know it's easy but look at what you have, making plans about what you'd like to achieve may be beneficial and make yourself some realistic goals. You don't say how old your child is, would there be any chance of increasing hours or in the future doing some extra training. Living in a deprived area really isn't the end of the world and take it from me, sometimes life looks like it's never going to change and then something happens and it's never the same aagin, so take a look at what you have and focus on that to start with and good luck.

Oh and double check you're getting everything you're entitled to.