Desperate Situation - Advising Parents

kelpie35

They are your parents who have made very bad financial decisions.

You are and have been a loving son.

You need to stop bailing them out by giving them a monthly allowance, they are abusing your kindness.

You need to concentrate on your new life with your wife. Use the £100 you have been giving your parent every month to overpay your own mortgage .

Your parents need to help themselves. They need to see for themselves the bad decisions they have made and prove to themselves and your family that they need to change their lifestyle.

You have to take a step back for your own good and that of your marriage.

wannabe_credit_free

kelpie35 wrote: »

They are your parents who have made very bad financial decisions.

You are and have been a loving son.

You need to stop bailing them out by giving them a monthly allowance, they are abusing your kindness.

You need to concentrate on your new life with your wife. Use the £100 you have been giving your parent every month to overpay your own mortgage .

Your parents need to help themselves. They need to see for themselves the bad decisions they have made and prove to themselves and your family that they need to change their lifestyle.

You have to take a step back for your own good and that of your marriage.

My sentiments exactly..:beer:

RuthnJasper

kelpie35 wrote: »

They are your parents who have made very bad financial decisions.

You are and have been a loving son.

You need to stop bailing them out by giving them a monthly allowance, they are abusing your kindness.

You need to concentrate on your new life with your wife. Use the £100 you have been giving your parent every month to overpay your own mortgage .

Your parents need to help themselves. They need to see for themselves the bad decisions they have made and prove to themselves and your family that they need to change their lifestyle.

You have to take a step back for your own good and that of your marriage.

I cannot offer any better advice than this. Give your parents the details of https://www.stepchange.org (free and helpful) and then step back.

The road to misery is paved with situations like this. Best wishes to you.

ent_moot

Okay how about this:

I stop the £100, and say to them that I will re-instate it after they have spoken to the charity, have an action plan for the immediate and long term future, and have demonstrated they have followed it for 3 months.

Mojisola

ent_moot wrote: »

Okay how about this:

I stop the £100, and say to them that I will re-instate it after they have spoken to the charity, have an action plan for the immediate and long term future, and have demonstrated they have followed it for 3 months.

Have you asked your wife what she thinks about this plan?

Her opinion is more important than ours.

chalkie99

ent_moot wrote: »

How does this work - if the bank does not allow the mortgage to be renewed, do they have a limited period in which to sell? - How long is this typically?

They should already have received letters from the mortgage lenders warning the of the need to repay the full amount when the mortgage term expires. Maybe they have been ignoring these and burying their heads in the sand?

From your earlier post:

They have an interests only mortgage of 340k. Their house is probably worth around 420k.
Their mortgage expires soon (year or so)

There is clearly no way they can pay off £340k in the time they have left and the usual advice would be to sell up and find somewhere cheaper or try and negotiate an extension.

There is a less than zero chance they will meet any affordability checks to extend the term and if they leave it much longer they will be selling at a knockdown price just to clear the mortgage.

At best they look like having a maximum of £80k less selling costs which might just buy them a cheap property in some areas, but then where does that leave her job?

If they keep ignoring this the lenders will eventually repossess and won't worry about selling for any more than the amount due, leaving them with nothing.

GingerFurball_2

ent_moot wrote: »

Okay how about this:

I stop the £100, and say to them that I will re-instate it after they have spoken to the charity, have an action plan for the immediate and long term future, and have demonstrated they have followed it for 3 months.

Concentrate on your own marriage and your own life.

Your parents are big kids now, they have to suffer the consequences of their own actions. Every pound you chuck down the drain bailing you out is a pound that you could spend on your future together with your wife.

How's it going to go down when you tell your wife that you can't afford to have children of your own because you've wasted thousands of pounds bailing out your parents?

Morglin

ent_moot wrote: »

Okay how about this:

I stop the £100, and say to them that I will re-instate it after they have spoken to the charity, have an action plan for the immediate and long term future, and have demonstrated they have followed it for 3 months.

Stop giving them money, and stop trying to run their lives.

If your mum has a good career, then she must be capable of sorting out her own finances, and you will wreck your relationship with them, if you continue to interfere (I can't see your new wife being too happy, either).

If they need to learn a hard lesson in life regarding finance, then the best way they will learn is if they have to sort out their own mess.

I can see why they are getting ratty, as you are carrying on as if they are children.

I know you mean well, but, butt out.

Lin

sistafromanothermista

RuthnJasper wrote: »

I cannot offer any better advice than this. Give your parents the details of www.stepchange.org (free and helpful) and then step back.

The road to misery is paved with situations like this. Best wishes to you.

I second this.
As much as you are trying to help them OP, you are not.
It must be terribly frustrating but you must allow them to make their own mistakes. They are certainly old enough to do so.

If they haven't got it in them to sort out their finances themselves, no amount of mithering/shouting/screaming from you is going to help and will only ensure you're the one going mad and getting increasingly annoyed.



Get them to contact stepchange if they do :T if not but there's not a lot you can do about that....

bouncydog1

Although you mean well, it is none of your business! As a parent I would be livid at this level of interference. They may have other funds you know nothing about or alternatively may be well aware of what will happen and have made the decision to accept the consequences.

Get on with your own life and learn from your parents' attitude to ensure you don't make the same mistakes!