Is relate worth the money?

wageslave

I think you have to put your names on the waiting list when you go on your honeymoon:)
People have the idea Relate is there to help save your marriage, it isnt, its there to help you realise whether there is anything left to save.
As others have said they will accept donations and you can go alone.
They arent therapists nor do they pretend to be.
I went with my ex years ago, he went very reluctantly then spent the whole first hour blaming me for everything from his poor golf handicap to inflation.
I came out close to tears and totally humiliated
The following week he was desperate to attend, wild horses wouldnt have stopped him.
We got in, down we sat and off he went again, she's this, that.........
The counsellor held up her hand and said you've had your say, its your wifes turn.
He stood up, called her a man hating lesbian and left.
Needless to say, I started planning my escape that evening.
Is it worth it? Every damn penny.

tiamai_d

I didn't go to relate, luckily we had BUPA medical insurance and they paid for 10 hour sessions with a counselor who was qualified.

Talked through a lot of the problems in our relationship. Was good as we both got to say what we wanted to say without interruption. Was good for me as I had help to put in to words how I was feeling (I'm not actually any good at it).

Decided that there was something to save. We try to keep up the methods we were taught.

Good luck.

Katmc2k

As far as I know they aren't therapists but counsellors and they will have a university diploma in counselling (professional qualification) and have constant CPD. I know this because I used to volunteer (not as a counsellor) for Scottish Marriage Care (Marriage Care in England and ACCORD in Ireland)

The others are right to say that you can just leave a donation, but it costs at least £35 to put on each counselling session and as Marriage Care and Relate are both charities they are not making money, they lose thousands and thousands of pounds putting on sessions. Private counsellors can charge £100 per session, and as they may not be part of a large organisation, they may not stick so rigidly to qualifications/code of ethics etc.

Marriage Care counsellors are trained for 2 years but most have been counselling for 5-10 years and do it on a voluntary basis. They are extremely professional and highly skilled. They will not "save" a marriage just for the sake of it, they facilitate the couple or individual in negotiating practical solutions to their problems and facing the future. Its not for everyone, but I personally think its a least worth a try.

If you go on both waiting lists one may be able to take you quicker than the other (but remember to cancel yourself off the other list!)

Good luck, hope this was useful.

dianadors

My hubby went on his own after he had an affair - he only went once, but it seemed to help him loads. Much cheaper that Divorce solicitors bills!!!!! 4 years on we are still together.