Divorce, both want to stay in home, what happens?

DigForVictory

Unless child passes her exams, she won't be able to get that far away & indeed may need a place to resit from.

+1 for tell all parties to behave with utter courtesy until the University place is confirmed.

margaretclare

If the wife is living with a new partner how can she live in the marital home?

margaretclare

We also know she has at least one bank account registered to her parent's address (and suspect she has been squirrelling money away) and if it's true, I wonder if the courts would be able to a) find out about this - as she will deny it and try to hide it, b) take it into consideration upon divorce?

Everything has to go on to the table for splitting equally, as previously stated.

You often hear about this in cases of divorce, assets being hidden etc etc. If the husband knows there are definitely assets held by the other party he can state this to the court.

He should have definite factual information about this, however. Not just a suspicion.

In DH's last divorce his wife concocted several fictitious stories in an attempt to prove that he was rich and she was poor. Mention the words 'red Jaguar' in our house - it has become a favourite joke.

Noctu

Again thanks to everybody who has replied, I really appreciate it.

We are supporting their daughter as much as we can but she is very angry towards both of her parents, primarily her mother. We are keeping our opinions to ourselves however she freely, and derisively, talks about both of them to us, and she's quite right in what she says about them so we just try to sympathise. She is especially angry that her mother has decided to do this so close to her exams - apparently A-Levels changed this year (?) in that she did not take any exams in January to go towards the grade but instead the exams she takes in the summer comprise all of that years learning. So much more pressure on the poor lass. She is bright and has a conditional offer at a UK top 10 university so we're just hoping she can manage her exams and get her place at uni, like she wants.

Her dad does have issues and we have fallen out with him several times in the past after he has personally (verbally) attacked us. Him and his wife are both very incompatible with each other and both have deeply ingrained issues, with her screaming at him pretty much every day over the tiniest things - witnessed more than several times by myself and many others. They've split up a few times in the past but it's never lasted for longer than a week or two - the only difference now is that it looks like it's properly for good this time, particularly as she's moved out of the marital home and into a flat she has rented with her new bloke. Unfortunately neither party are behaving well, with the mother coming over to the marital home to 'talk' (i.e. play mind games) with my uncle, do housework (?!?)... and my uncle turning up at her new flat and shouting through the letterbox which has now culminated in a formal caution from the police and a complaint of harrassment from the mother's new bloke.

We have recently found out that she pressured my uncle to have her name put on the house deeds around the same time she started sleeping with her new bloke (around 2 years ago). I know she would have had an equal claim on the house etc anyway but I think she wanted it watertight and automatically half hers if that makes sense. The reason why my uncle doesn't have a pension is that he paid all of the mortgage for most of the marriage and couldn't afford it (minimum wage), even though she worked full time and actually earned more than him. (which is how she's managed a decent pension and, as I mentioned before, possibly squirreling money away. Her own mother told us about this secret account!!)

Her affair has all just come out around Christmas though - and I don't think it's much of a coincidence that their daughter only turned 18 a few months ago as well. I am aware it may seem from this that we have it in for her but there's a lot of history that I don't really want to go into (plus it would take forever)!

So I suppose we are concerned about if my Uncle will be effectively made homeless, along with his daughter as well. Thing is they were seemingly happy with the mortgage payment agreement etc so that's the end of the story I guess, and the fact she didn't contribute towards it is simply what happened between themselves. It grates a bit that he has to pay for another half of the house he paid for himself but that's the benefit, or drawback, of marriage (in a financial sense) I suppose!!

RAS

Hi

A couple of things.

1. Good on you for supporting the daughter as best as you can. What help is she getting from school? Does she realise that school can write to her chosen university and explain the family issues and that the university may well take that into account if she gets lower than expected grades? For that matter she can write to them but school would have a little more weight.

2. Uncle is NOT going to be homeless. He can buy a two bed less desirable property for much less than he will get from the house sale if that is what happens. So he should be able to get a two/three bedder somewhere in between?

3. In the mean-time he needs to keep away from the ex and the squeeze and go see a good lawyer. And learn to be a father rather than just an angry man.

Noctu

Hi RAS

Thanks so much. I didn't know that the school (she attends a sixth form college) could write to the University. That is really helpful to know, I will tell her! She needs A*, A, A if I recall correctly :-/ - other than that I don't think the college knows.

You've hit the nail on the head, he is an angry man. What's complicating the situation further is that his wife keeps regularly coming back to the house and messing with his head - trying to cuddle him and ask questions like, what would you do to get me back? How much do you still love me? etc. Then toddles off back to her new flat with her new bloke... this has been going on for weeks on end and uncle just puts up with it (he would take her back tomorrow even though the relationship is clearly over).

Beckyy

He needs a good solicitor. Best of luck.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like he could do with a counsellor as well.

Anger to the point of harassment isn't going to do any of them any good. And he'd be calmer and more able to deal with the conflicting emotions they both clearly have in what sounds as if it's been an unhealthily codependent relationship.

Noctu

Thanks both,
I completely agree Jojo. In this case it's very much a "you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink" although on the bright side he did visit his GP yesterday and was prescribed an anti-anxiety drug.

gizmo111

Noctu wrote: »

Hi RAS

Thanks so much. I didn't know that the school (she attends a sixth form college) could write to the University. That is really helpful to know, I will tell her! She needs A*, A, A if I recall correctly :-/ - other than that I don't think the college knows.

You've hit the nail on the head, he is an angry man. What's complicating the situation further is that his wife keeps regularly coming back to the house and messing with his head - trying to cuddle him and ask questions like, what would you do to get me back? How much do you still love me? etc. Then toddles off back to her new flat with her new bloke... this has been going on for weeks on end and uncle just puts up with it (he would take her back tomorrow even though the relationship is clearly over).

Both parents sound insecure and unhappy, my advice would be give them both the number of a good solicitor, don't take sides and be there to look after your niece. who will always love her mum and dad.