Enjoying Life's Indulgences Together Everyday

Savvybuyer

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

You have to laugh!

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

[...]
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?:rotfl:[I wish I had the ability to come up with quick one-line retorts like this.]
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.:rotfl:
___________________________________________
[...]


ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.:rotfl::rotfl:
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.:rotfl:
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...:rotfl:
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.:rotfl::rotfl:
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?:rotfl:

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.:rotfl::rotfl:

Love it!:T Several of those did make me laugh, as indicated. There is an exact science to this, as the great the number of roll-arounds indicates my level of laughter. Perhaps:rotfl:.

Savvybuyer

:rotfl:

I'm laughing looking at my roll-arounds now.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

SSM, you do manage to make me laugh!:rotfl::rotfl::T

lookinforabargain

Tinyshoes wrote: »

Watching Yazz also reminded me I actually owned a pair of black lycra shorts I used to go clubbing in. :eek::o:rotfl:

I've been racking my brains trying to remember what song I was thinking of when I seen your post, but it wasn't Yazz, it was Yazoo which then leads to Alison Moyet :rotfl: and this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thT3EcbVIXM

Savvybuyer

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

Once a thread has closed, is it only red fox that can delete posts?

Who says it is RF? May have been forum team?

They (whoever) are usually pretty inconsistent though - often I notice an original post has been deleted and yet one later that quotes or refers to it hasn't:rotfl: (or they delete one that quoted and, yet, not another that follows farther on). (Or they delete one on one basis and yet not another, later on, that appears to fall foul of the same basis for deletion. Or - :eek: they move posts to other boards and then quote a rule for the reason why, yet the post, whilst it now complies with one part of that rule, still appears not to fulfil all two other requirements of the rule that's been linked to. They must have seen the post as it has been moved and then they say 'because of this rule' and link to it. Yes, I think to myself, but the post still does not comply with that rule, on two further counts!) I will add no more, lest I get into trouble:rotfl:. I've been overlooking it as it gives useful information and the site would be much the poorer if the rule was enforced to the full strict technicality of what it says (or maybe they've not noticed what the rule, usually one they themselves wrote, actually says - that's a common one, people write things and it doesn't occur to them what they've actually said means something different to what they meant:rotfl: . Not me of course:rotfl::rotfl:!).

zippydooda

Savvybuyer wrote: »

I'm back from RL (oh yes, things do look a bit better around the house now:T).
I did indeed notice it, earlier today. (I didn't post though as I thought it was a bit boring/didn't have time to do so.) Now, can you spot which three posts have gone?:D I noticed it now has 9,997 posts as, I must admit, for the first week of a new thread I keep entering via the old one, until I remember some short-cut search to adjust me to the new. I'm currently searching for "elite everyone loves it" (or variants) and I'm not quite yet on whatever this new one will be:rotfl:.

youll find it a lot easier, if you just don't close the window open. I just put my lappy into hibernation. + my phone I never close the link.

zagubov

Let's kep them coming
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwBjhBL9G6U
:j

Tinyshoes

lookinforabargain wrote: »

I've been racking my brains trying to remember what song I was thinking of when I seen your post, but it wasn't Yazz, it was Yazoo which then leads to Alison Moyet :rotfl: and this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thT3EcbVIXM

:T:T:T

Good choice. She has an amazing voice.

zippydooda

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

Once a thread has closed, is it only red fox that can delete posts?

no. but most likely. (we cant)

Sunshinemummy

Savvybuyer wrote: »

Love it!:T Several of those did make me laugh, as indicated. There is an exact science to this, as the great the number of roll-arounds indicates my level of laughter. Perhaps:rotfl:.

One of my experiences was

Barrister: Why are you certain of xxxx.
Me: As stated xx informed me.
Barrister; When
Me: Lunch time today
Barrister: Why did you speak to my client at lunch time
Me: Because you ask me to you take her for lunch!

Barrister bends over and bangs on table!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

lookinforabargain

zagubov wrote: »

Let's kep them coming
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwBjhBL9G6U
:j

I'm feeling random this evening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbg7YoXiKn0