Enjoying Life's Indulgences Together Everyday

aau1

zippydooda wrote: »

not a good idea to post this :eek: you may as well email asda

Fair enough.

In fact that was why i didnt put an explanation of trigger

zippydooda

davemorton wrote: »

Early home from the party ZIppy, no good?

it was a party on dw's side. and I succeeded on staying out 1hr more than dw planned. so it was a good night.

and why are you not out?:eek:

Tinyshoes

davemorton wrote: »

Amount of practice you have had, thought you would have been quicker xxx

But I have to get there first. :rotfl:

zippydooda

Shortfatscotsbloke wrote: »

The pic left me in no doubt that TM has qualities not often seen on the elite thread, two qualities to be precise..:p

I'm keen to see the easter pics when they come out, although after you're finished with them they will probably all be stuck together..:eek::eek::eek:

I do get a pre view to see if THEY are suitable for the elite [STRIKE]men[/STRIKE] thread.

Sunshinemummy

Shortfatscotsbloke wrote: »

Sorry TM, I saw this earlier and I couldn't help myself going back to comment..

Bearing in mind that we have all seen the enormous turkey pic of yours at Christmas and the fact that we all know that zippy is an absolute perv, the response has to be something like....

Yes Rhett, they are lovely young dogs, but as far as zippy is concerned, nobody has a pair of puppies quite like TM..:p:p

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Ladyshopper

Bananababe wrote: »

Oh I forgot about the council tax bit. Thanks LS. I'll have to pay it all back but vs the rate on my mortgage and its not secured against my house its madness not too.

what you studying ??
x

Applied criminal justice studies. As a police officer we are eligible for direct access onto the 3rd year. Good job too, as no way would I take out loans for 3 years, one is bad enough! How about you?

lookinforabargain

Who's got a choon for me?!

wee_postie

All Valentines chocs scanning 1p in T's
sorry if already posted

Sunshinemummy

Ladyshopper wrote: »

Applied criminal justice studies. As a police officer we are eligible for direct access onto the 3rd year. Good job too, as no way would I take out loans for 3 years, one is bad enough! How about you?

I loved studying criminology, it is so interesting.

My BIL did a three year psychology degree funded in his role as a police officer, he loved the course.

Enjoy x

:T:T:T:T

Sunshinemummy

You have to laugh!

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you !!!!!!!! me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.