Young Family Preparing to buy a House but Want another Baby

slightlyconfused1

Large age gaps between children can be great. There is a gap of 8 years between my eldest two (9 months between youngest two so I have best of all worlds). The eldest two are very close and talk all the time. Eldest has left home but still takes daughter to concerts and things.

I agree that you get your house first and get settled. There is time to have more children later.

onlyroz

There are 3.5 years between my two, timed so that we would not have two children in nursery at once. We earn considerably more than you but could not afford full-time childcare for two children at once. We have been lucky to benefit from low interest rates which has lowered our monthly outgoings by several hundred pounds - but signs are that they will start to go up again soon.

In your position I would wait until your first is in school before having another, and try to work on career progression for at least one of you in the meantime. And then when you are more financially secure you can think about more children.

angelil

I'm sorry, OP, but as others have implied already, I don't think you know how lucky you are.

My husband and I earn twice what you and your husband do and yet can't afford to have children. Our rent per month is your entire salary and only gets us a 1-bed place. Upgrading to a 2-bed would mean doubling the rent and still living more than an hour away from where we work (with changing jobs not an option). We cannot get a mortgage to buy anything bigger than what we have, even though there is no real reason for this (no loans, debts, bankruptcy, nothing). I still manage to save a good amount every month but it is still not enough (partly because taxes are so high here that I still have to pay €250 A MONTH out of my NET salary - which seems a lot compared to my income - to go towards EVEN MORE TAXES. And that's before we even fill out our tax returns and have to pay even more at the end of the year. My husband has it even worse than I do as he earns slightly more and thus goes into the next tax band.). Even if we could afford to buy here it would not be a good investment as property prices are so inflated.

The real world simply does not work in the way you have described. Most people would not send their children away to nursery, paying someone else to be with them while they are at work, rather than being with them at home themselves, I suspect. Most people on this board have to pay their own bills and run their own home rather than piggybacking on those of others. Many manage children on top of that.

You are lucky to already be your age and to have a child. I'm nearly 28 and my husband and I do not have any children due to the financial reasons stated above. We would LOVE to have a child but do not consider it possible. You are lucky to already have one and to be in a position to financially consider buying your own home.

Please, just step back and look at what you already have, you may then understand how lucky you are.

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Fredula

I understand what you're saying but the real world means that our childcare costs for 1 child in nursery (not taking into consideration the 15 free hours when they're 3) would be more than what one of us earns and just under what the other earns so I'm of the opinion why would I work to spend that money on someone else looking after my child when I could do it myself?

I think it's a bit unfair of you to say 'once I enter the real world' as you don't really know anything about me. My husband and I had a lovely 2 bed house we were renting for £750 per month until he became ill and was off work for 6 months. My parents offered to have us back as they were aware of how hard we had saved for our deposit and didn't want us to lose all of that money. Needless to say, we now save for medical treatments should we ever need to go private again (which was what we needed to do when my husband was ill as the NHS kept pushing back appointments - 3 in total). He was in, out and sorted within 2 weeks.

RobotsinDisguse

Freudla - don't take someone else's harsh comments to heart... Your situation is yours alone & I think that sadly Angelli sounds jealous.

You're doing really well to be where you are now, in a position to purchase and with a loving family. And for you to be thinking so rationally & clearly is only a good thing.

I'm recently married, long term mortgaged and in my early 30s... Been with husband over a decade, and am expecting our first child in June. I was recently made redundant, have found getting work v difficult and also wonder what the point is of me working full time to earn enough to just about pay for nursery care... I know govt tax breaks prefer you to be in work, but I personally don't understand the maths!

I really hope your move goes well, and that baby 2 follows in good time.

Fredula

Thank you

Spendless

Fredula wrote: »

I understand what you're saying but the real world means that our childcare costs for 1 child in nursery (not taking into consideration the 15 free hours when they're 3) would be more than what one of us earns and just under what the other earns so I'm of the opinion why would I work to spend that money on someone else looking after my child when I could do it myself?

That was how I felt about it . Cost of childcare was the equivalent of my full-time wages (the lower earner in the household) and I couldn't go part-time either as my employer only had f-time workers (right to request flexible working didn't exist when I had the eldest).

I found a part-time evening job instead. Initially working 2 late nights plus 1 Sunday morning in a convenience store, later changing to mon-fri 5pm-8pm at a diy store. It meant no childcare costs and therefore a better household income than if I'd returned to my previous job after maternity leave. Would this be an option for you to look at?

I always wanted more than 1 child, but housing and health issues got in the way and we have a 3 year gap between children. My sibling is 7 years younger than me and though that sort of age gap wasn't for me, I can certainly see how my Mum had advantages with her kids that I don't with a smaller gap.

justme111

angelil wrote: »

..with changing jobs not an option)... I'm nearly 28 and my husband and I do not have any children due to the financial reasons stated above. We would LOVE to have a child but do not consider it possible.

I can see your frustration , I just wanted to tell its may be be you who lost perspective a bit , another job is always an option - people who work at tesco or as a teaching assistant for example or others on minimal wage - many of them have children . If you CHOSE not to then don't phrase it "I can't ", say "I chose.not to". I do not want to discuss whether the choice is right or not , that's another topic and your personal stuff. The important bit is to realise you made a choice.

jenand8285

I am 28, been with my OH 10 years today! Married for 7 (married young, I know) and wanted children about 5 years ago but we just was not comfortable enough financially.
When I was 25 I decided I was going to study, get qualified and improve my job prospects and make a change to our life.
I more than doubled my salary less than 2 years later and then last year we bought an house (something we never dreamed was possible), I graduated and we soon began trying to conceive.

We are so glad we put off starting a family as now we feel like we really do have a perfect little life.
I will have to return to work after 9 months maternity (though only part time) but years ago we would not have managed on SMP and OH wages.

Anyway, you simply have to do what you think is best as I think that way you will be much happier in the future.

pukkamum

I would say that you are young and a 4 yr age gap worked perfectly for us, we have 3 with 4 yrs between each. I found having one at school before baby came along made life a lot easier for me, baby could get all the attention during the day and the older was at an age where they weren't quite as demanding.
I have been at home since baby number 1 13 yrs ago with a brief return to work before number 3 and my husband brings in approx 1600 per month, it has meant big sacrifices but for us it was worth it.
I am 37 and dh is almost 40 and we are only just getting on the property ladder and this is by buying our council house, there is no way we could do it otherwise and it isn't the way I would have done it given a choice.
Get your house, enjoy your son and look forward to having your next when son is at school and you are in your own house.