Young Family Preparing to buy a House but Want another Baby

Fredula

I was just looking for your own personal stories on how you've managed to have a second child.

I had a unplanned (late diagnosed and premature) baby 2 years ago and my husband and I have been living with my parents since. He is 27 and I am 24. We've been saving very hard for our house deposit and have around the 26k mark. We both earn around £900 per month and have no childcare costs. At present because we don't pay bills, we are able to just live on one income and save the other. We're planning to start looking to buy a home in November which we're really excited about.

I feel really upset though (probably a bit unnecessarily) because I'd really like to have another child and now certainly is not the time, nor will next year or the year after. When we have our next child, I'd like to spend the pre school years looking after the child because I've missed out on my current toddlers early years and I want to bring my child up how I want (whilst the grandparents have been fantastic looking after him and I really appreciate them and their input and the way they've helped my child develop, I just feel that sometimes my wishes aren't carried out - he has a lot of food and drinks which I don't approve of (mainly because it's not in moderation, it's all the time). Anyway, I've worked out that to be able to have another baby and be able to look after him/her during the early years we would have to save about £25k to be able to have around £500 per month to live off of (plus hubby monthly wage). It just seems overwhelming and like it will be a long long way off. The age gap between children bothers me but we don't really have that much choice in that because we can't have another one before we are financially ready.

I'd just really appreciate other peoples advice/stories on how they've managed.

JodyBPM

An awful lot of people would like to be able to stay at home and look after their children, but have to return to work after maternity leave because bills need to be paid. It's the harsh reality of the world we live in, where usually 2 incomes are required to support a family.

Would you be able to afford a child, if you went back to work? Would grandparents be able to manage both children (i.e. still have free childcare, as £900 a month probably wouldn't cover the childcare bill for 2!)

(Buying a house also seems to me a stretch on a combined salary of £1800 pm take home, but I guess it depends on property prices in your area.)

I think you need to think about what your priorities are - would you prefer to have a child sooner, but go back to work, or have a child in five years and be able to afford to stay at home with him/her?

Tough decisions, but worth making sure you know what you really want before taking on the commitment of the mortgage.

Fredula

My parents are planning on moving away to the coast when we have moved out and my husbands Mum has said no to looking after him for 3 days per week (I asked recently as my job changed from 4 days per week to 5 days) so it would be a case of either me looking after the new baby or going to nursery. To be honest though I'd rather not have another child if I had to send him/her to nursery every day (no disrespect to anyone who does send their child to nursery 5 days per week, it's just not something I would do out of choice).

How much salary do you think wouldn't be a stretch for a mortgage? We are looking at flats/houses under £120k. Heh, you've got me worried now!

justme111

Once you live on your own you will have more command of what's happening with children anyway , even if you still work.
You may find that part time job for you and may be some help from the government will make a good compromise and will allow you to feel it is you who are raising your children while being financially viable.
Mortgage of £100000 is perfectly viable on your combined take home pay.
Besides there is often career progression option.

shop-to-drop

Look at getting a job doing different shifts to your OH and then the two of you can be totally in control of the childcare. It works for many couples with children. There are jobs 24/7 out there so it is easily achievable.

You have done so well with your savings it would be a shame to get so close to buying and not be able to.

Fredula

Thanks. It's not really an option of the House vs Child really, as the house will win hands down because that protects my little boy rather than someone who hasn't been born yet - and renting in our area will cost more than our predicted monthly mortgage repayments so neither of us are willing to do that. If it comes down to it we just won't have another child, but it's just really difficult being around people with babies at the moment because I'm a bit jealous in all honesty - especially when they have beautiful pushchairs and beautiful baby bags, uggs etc. They're obviously in a very good position and have probably worked hard for it. Or have lots of loans.

mountainofdebt

Not to be a bringer of doom but I think you would also need to factor in an increase in mortgage rates (unless of course you go for a fixed mortgage)

marisco_2

If only more people approached being a parent in such a carefully considered way, there would be far more happy, well balanced and secure children around. OP yourself and your partner are still very young. I think you would be wise to get on the property ladder, work toward being at a stage where you feel more financially secure and then re-evaluating the possibility of having a second child. For me having children is far more enjoyable when you can spend plenty of time with them during their early years, and not feel under loads of pressure juggling every aspect of your life.

Gillyx

We're in a very similar situation. Our little boy is 2, and I think at this age you do have the 'pang' of broodiness, partly because they are starting to become a lot more independent and most definitely not like a little baby anymore.

You are still relatively young, so there is plenty of time after you've purchased a house and been in it a few years to plan another child. You could always look at going to part time hours, so you'd still have a good chunk of time at home with your LO but also some money coming in.

Good Luck OP xx

neverdespairgirl

OP, I'm currently pregnant with our second child, and 35. My first son was born when I was 27, and will be 9 in June.

We didn't own our own place when Isaac was born, and we bought our flat in London nearly 3 years ago. Our second son is due in 7 weeks' time.

At yours and your partner's ages, you aren't making any permanent choice between more children and buying somewhere to live.

~Beanie~

I think you are still young and have plenty of time for another baby. You are lucky in some people eyes to even have one. Buy your house, I bought on my own with less income than you so it can be done!

You can have another child in a few years, yes so there may be a larger age gap than you would like, so what? Plenty of people have a few years between kids and are perfectly happy!

And please don't be jealous of people with beautiful pushchairs and beautiful baby bags and Uggs, they may be able to afford expensive accessories but your love costs nothing x