i think i know the answer....

theconfuzzledone

but need a kick up the jacksy

i have become very close to my best friends uncle. we met about a year ago whilst on a night out and talked the night away. we met up a couple more times and then i ran into him on a night out with my friend (about 2 months later). friend and uncle had had a falling out around 5 years before and hadnt seen each other or spoken since. since then the 3 of us have become a group we see each other once or twice a week. as he was related to my friend we put aside anything developing between us and have just been friends as he was trying to repair his relationship with her.
over the past couple of months we have seen each other without the friend and its more and more noticeable to both of us that there is something there. friend brought this up with me today after the three of us spent the day together and she could see that something is going on. she has asked me for things not go any further with him as she couldnt bear losing one of us if things were to go bad between us. she said that she has talked to him about this before and he said that he understood but that he needed time to think about what to do. he hasnt brought it up with me at all. me and him are going to talk about it later (online not in person) after i brought it up i just dont know what to do or say to him.
we seem to fit so well together and have been building our friendship for a year we have kissed but nothing more when it is just me and him we mostly put a movie on and sit and cuddle for hours. he has indicated very clearly that he would like a relationship with me as i have with him. we talk every day mostly via phone and messaging.
we are both single he has a son who does not live with him but who has met me multiple times. myself and friend have been more like sisters than friends for about 3 years.
do i try and ignore how i feel and keep going as a friend with him or do i risk losing her and go for it with him?

PS except for sounding like a teenager all 3 of us are actually in our 30s

Kayalana99

Personally I think your friend should respect your decision who you want a relationship with ~ end day if you got together and broke up what is to stop you seeing your friend without the uncle?

I find it a bit selfish really and childish for your friend to say you can't get involved with each other.

geoffky

Go for it...This life is not a rehearsal..

meritaten

^^^^ I agree with this - and ask yourself, if you didn't like the person your friend was going out with, would SHE break it off with him?

you obviously know the circumstances of the falling out and don't consider he has done anything 'unforgivable' (IYKWIM?).
I really think your love life is YOUR business - if your friend cant handle it then its HER problem, not yours.

VJsmum

Yep go for it. You only get one life, don't live with regrets

theconfuzzledone

meritaten wrote: »

^^^^ I agree with this - and ask yourself, if you didn't like the person your friend was going out with, would SHE break it off with him?

you obviously know the circumstances of the falling out and don't consider he has done anything 'unforgivable' (IYKWIM?).

it was a family politics thing and they ended up on different sides of the argument.
no she wouldnt break up with someone just because i didnt like them but i dont want to be the person that comes between them. it is also not exactly breaking up its stopping before anything really starts.
i dont know whether if it is something goes wrong or she doesnt want to be the third wheel to us as a couple or feels like she would be excluded etc.

System

You cant really let anyone dictate who you spend time with or date. No one should have that much control over you.


If it ends badly though, don't expect her to take sides.

meritaten

But it isn't YOUR family politics hun! you and he obviously have feelings for each other. you think this could develop into a really deep relationship or you wouldn't be asking us this question. ask yourself - if he wasn't your friends uncle - would you be 'serious' about him and him about you? because if the answer is yes, then I think your 'friend' has no right to interfere just because her family is divided.

Scrapaholic

I also think you should go for it . As you say, you're all adults not teenagers and you should make your own choices . Hope it works out for you both .

theconfuzzledone

if they werent related we would 100% be together now.
the family divide is no longer an issue its just what caused the original lack of contact.
i wouldnt expect her to take sides in any of my relationships but i can understand her POV and she why she would be worried

marisco_2

theconfuzzledone wrote: »

she has asked me for things not go any further with him as she couldnt bear losing one of us if things were to go bad between us. she said that she has talked to him about this before and he said that he understood but that he needed time to think about what to do.

Is it just me that thinks the 'friend' has more than a few issues, to even be able to approach you or her Uncle, and make clear her disapproval over you two ever getting together? To be frank I wouldn't feel I had any right to try and dictate how grown adults conducted their lives, based solely on perhaps finding things a bit awkward should a relationship not work out between them.

That is what all this boils down to. This lady seems unable to comprehend that it needn't be a big deal and she could just remain a neutral friend to both of you. She comes across as a bit of a control freak and not someone I would readily want to associate with. OP if you and this guy are a great match I say go for it. If this lady were such a great friend she would not put her irrational needs ahead of other peoples happiness.