What to do - hen do/wedding reception?

zonit

Hello,

I just wanted some advice.

So, last year i had been told to save the date for a hen weekend which will happen in a few months time.

I was a bit undecided as to whether to attend or not, as were others, but finally something (just) more affordable has been decided and i agreed to attend.

Recently i have received an invite to the wedding reception which is the weekend after the hen weekend.

I didn't realise that both events were to be held over two consecutive weekends and can't really afford to do both.

I've never attended a wedding reception before and having added up some figures (transport, hotel, taxi e.t.c,) attending the wedding reception will be rather costly.

Would it be rude if i attended the hen do (the cheapest option) and not the reception?

Or, would it be better to say i've changed my mind about the hen do and attend the wedding reception?

There is also a request of money as a wedding gift.
What is the etiquette surrounding this?

Thanks!

4nnabella

Kind of depends on who it is getting married, and how close you are to them. Is it a friend, relative, work colleague?

sulphate

Personally I would go to the wedding reception instead of the hen do.

It's not rude, just tell the bride you didn't realise the hen do and wedding were so close together and that unfortunately finances are tight and you can't afford to come to both. So, you will be attending her wedding reception.

As for money as a wedding gift. Gifts are not "essential" and only give what you can afford. Generally people put a cheque in a card if they are giving money.

mrcow

Etiquette on gifts is that they are not compulsory.

I'm sure the couple would prefer your company rather than your money. I'd be mortified if someone didn't accept an invite because they felt pressure to spend money on a gift.

Can't you have another look at your budgeting and see if you can afford both? Taxi/transport/hotel - is there no one you can share with/kip on the couch etc?

Person_one

You could always tell the bride you can't afford to do both, and ask which event she'd prefer you to attend. I expect she'll say go to the wedding.

Gifts are always up to the guest, couples aren't really supposed to ask for anything but they pretty much all do these days. Give what you want to give, it doesn't have to be money and it doesn't have to be a certain amount.

BitterAndTwisted

If you can't afford to go to both then decide which of the invitations has come from the one you're closest to and go to that. And no. wedding gifts are GIFTS and they are not compulsory, whether you're going to the reception or not.

zonit

4nnabella wrote: »

Kind of depends on who it is getting married, and how close you are to them. Is it a friend, relative, work colleague?

It's an old friend who i've just been back in contact with for the past few years.

sulphate wrote: »

Personally I would go to the wedding reception instead of the hen do.

It's not rude, just tell the bride you didn't realise the hen do and wedding were so close together and that unfortunately finances are tight and you can't afford to come to both. So, you will be attending her wedding reception.

As for money as a wedding gift. Gifts are not "essential" and only give what you can afford. Generally people put a cheque in a card if they are giving money.

Thanks - i was leaning more towards this option.

mrcow wrote: »

Etiquette on gifts is that they are not compulsory.

I'm sure the couple would prefer your company rather than your money. I'd be mortified if someone didn't accept an invite because they felt pressure to spend money on a gift.

Can't you have another look at your budgeting and see if you can afford both? Taxi/transport/hotel - is there no one you can share with/kip on the couch etc?

It will cost about £300 if i attend both, not an amount i can afford so can only attend one.

I know that there are other people who have declined the hen invite due to the events being over consecutive weekends.

I only know one person who is attending... and i wouldn't really say i know her, might send her a message though as having attended a previous event with her, the bride and some other people, i was one of the few familiar faces she knew so maybe she'd be interested in sharing accom e.t.c

Georgiegirl256

I would go to the wedding reception rather than the hen do, especially if the hen do is over consecutive weekends. Good idea about asking the other person you know if she wants to stare accommodation etc, that'll help keep the costs down.

I don't think it's rude for the couple to say they'd prefer money if they are asked, but to put it on an invitation that that's what they want, well I think that is rude, and puts people who can't necessarily afford to give money under pressure. OP, just because they say they want money doesn't mean that you have to do that.

jamesml

Bottom line is the wedding is more important than the hen do - and if the bride is upset that not as many people can attend the hen do as she'd like, it is pretty poor planning on her side of things (might sound a bit harsh but its pretty unfair on people).

I think you'd probably be surprised at how many people (women i particular) I have heard of who have exactly the same thing - wanting to go to the hen but can't afford it. I really doubt its that uncommon.

emawasten

Its all depend on the person who going to married.If she is your close one you can tell your situation and ask her what she want?or if not then you should attend wedding.

j.e.j.

Sorry not much help OP but it does annoy me this current fashion for people to expect others to spend hundreds of ££s on their hen weekends and weddings. And then people who rightly can't or won't spend that amount of money are made to feel bad about it.