Places in Belfast to meet friends

IrishRose12

Ok so this isn't for me personally but after a depressing conversation with a friend today I realised I had no options or ideas in how to help her and I feel really sorry for her, so here goes.

My friend has been depressed for over a year now, I have tried my best to be there for her, but TBH With 4 young kiddies and a hubby to look after, money being tight etc I can only do so much myself.
She's 30 years old, an only child and basically she has no friends (bar myself) she has never had a boyfriend and is really really shy. She lacks confidence, and has little to know self-esteem. She still lives at home with her parents and doesn't drive. Now I have tried over the years believe me to build up her confidence etc. Tried to make her feel important - she is God mother to 2 of my children, and she dotes on them and their siblings. But she doesn't or won't go out at all to try and socialise, when I offer to go out for an evening with her she only wants to go for a meal then the cinema and I can only manage to do this Once a month, sometimes twice a month if I'm lucky. She works in my daughter's school, but those whom she works with has families of their own and friends, and are also older or much younger than her.

So After our chat today where she was crying, I decided when she went home to try and find some groups for her to possibly join to try and meet new people and give her something to look forward to.
I don't even mind going along with her if I can, so she isn't on her own and then if things go well cut my attendance down or something.
But where do I start looking? I've tried looking at local libraries for book clubs as shes an avid reader but can't find anything local, looked to see if there are single nights at the cinema etc but nothing.

Would anyone here have any ideas at all that could point me in the right direction? I've come to a stop and really would like to help her.

irishjohn

IrishRose12 wrote: »

Ok so this isn't for me personally but after a depressing conversation with a friend today I realised I had no options or ideas in how to help her and I feel really sorry for her, so here goes.

My friend has been depressed for over a year now, I have tried my best to be there for her, but TBH With 4 young kiddies and a hubby to look after, money being tight etc I can only do so much myself.
She's 30 years old, an only child and basically she has no friends (bar myself) she has never had a boyfriend and is really really shy. She lacks confidence, and has little to know self-esteem. She still lives at home with her parents and doesn't drive. Now I have tried over the years believe me to build up her confidence etc. Tried to make her feel important - she is God mother to 2 of my children, and she dotes on them and their siblings. But she doesn't or won't go out at all to try and socialise, when I offer to go out for an evening with her she only wants to go for a meal then the cinema and I can only manage to do this Once a month, sometimes twice a month if I'm lucky. She works in my daughter's school, but those whom she works with has families of their own and friends, and are also older or much younger than her.

So After our chat today where she was crying, I decided when she went home to try and find some groups for her to possibly join to try and meet new people and give her something to look forward to.
I don't even mind going along with her if I can, so she isn't on her own and then if things go well cut my attendance down or something.
But where do I start looking? I've tried looking at local libraries for book clubs as shes an avid reader but can't find anything local, looked to see if there are single nights at the cinema etc but nothing.

Would anyone here have any ideas at all that could point me in the right direction? I've come to a stop and really would like to help her.

Unless the chat showed that she is willing to pluck up some courage and determination to get out and socialise then you may have no success whatsoever. If she is shy and has little self esteem then fining something you can do with her may not be the best idea, I would predict that she will go along with it as long as you are there to act as her social crutch, but the moment you drop out she will do exactly the same. I think the best you can do is push her when you have one of these chats to the point where she states what she is willing to do to help herself and then you can assist her to get her plan off the ground, but it has to be what she comes up with not what you come up with.

maggiecon

You are such a lovely friend.

Do you know what her hobbies are, I think she would be more likely to stick with a group if it revolves around her likes and interests. I have always liked sports but now that I am too old for team sports I joined a local running club, I am not a big fan of running but I love going to the club every week to meet all the new friends I made, and we chat so much as we run I dont even realise the amount of miles I am doing.

I also started a sewing class a couple of weeks ago with my SIL, we have never done anything together but she had a baby several months ago with Down Syndrome and I just thought it would be nice to do something with her to get her out of the house, as she always so busy with her kids. It turns out I actually really like sewing and I have just started making curtains for my house. very MSE.

Anyway what I am trying to say is if you can find a group that does something she likes she is more likely to keep going after you have stopped.

missslbell

Meetup has a number of groups in Belfast

It an online way of organizing get togethers ..

It could be good in this circumstance as;
-Its good for shy people as it lets you check people out before hand and ask questions about the group
- There are groups for a very wide range of different interests, whether an established interest or something you fancy trying out
- Getting together for a specific interest or purpose, really can make it easier to meet new people that share at least one thing in common
- The groups are generally used to having new members and people dropping in to check it out and in my personal experience really are open and diverse places
- If you see a need that isn´t being met you can even start your own meetup

-You can contact the organizer before and let them know that your shy or any concerns you have

Normskin

What a great friend that you are!

But yet, you can only do so much and your friend does need to take some steps on her own. Sports clubs are a good way to meet people. As one poster recommended above - a running club would be ideal..

I'm sure that you have encouraged her to learn to drive? This would open up so many possibilities for her.

IrishRose12

Thanks very much for the replies. During the conversation she did say about wanting to get out more, do more with her life, meet new friends and try to get some sort of life as she put it. It broke my heart listening to her TBH.
I have suggested to her about learning to drive but she can't afford it ATM and TBH I'm not exactly one to talk as I don't drive myself and have often talked about doing it but just can't get time or money to do it myself.

I had a look at some sites based around her interests, reading clubs for example but couldn't find any that we would be able to reach easily.

Thanks very much for the suggestion about MeetUp though. I've never heard of this so will go and have a look there and see if I can suggest anything to her

I really appreciate your replies and advice, I had come to a brick wall in my search.

Loka_loka

How about learning a language, new term for many groups will start at Easter?

Or what about volunteering, try volunteer Now, they're always looking for people.

Jakberry coffee shop in Finaghy has a book club once a month if that is close to you?

belfastgirl23

Also second the meetup idea, I've done this a few times and it has been just a very normal bunch of people with interests in common. If she was nervous you could always go along with her for the first time. But I would always have thought this would be for odd people and while you get one or two of them, most are just people who share a love of something.

leftieM

Maybe she needs to learn to accept who she is. I hope it doesn't sound trite but running is a brilliant head shower. It's cheap, you can do it at your own pace whenever it suits you and it feels great. You get mental strength. There are also social opportunities as there are running groups and races all the time.
If your friend has a certain temperament she is unlikely to suddenly become the life and soul of the party. However if she accepts herself as she is then the other things won't matter so much.

IrishRose12

Running is out of the question for her, she is a bit overweight but due to Asthma and other health issues she can't do this. It's not for the lack of trying on her part though, She goes to he gym once a week but depending on her health she could be there 15mins - 1hr.
Finaghy is a bit to far for us, maybe if we had a car we would go, well I wouldn't have minded going TBH lol.

Have had a nosey through the Meet up place and there's some great things there! Still trying to figure the whole thing out but when she comes to visit tonight I'll bring it up and see what she has to say. Thanks again

Cotta

IrishRose12 wrote: »

Running is out of the question for her, she is a bit overweight but due to Asthma and other health issues she can't do this.

On the contrary, this is more reason to do it.