When will I see my Fiancee again?

AnnieO1234

What's happened to the dog's body? Has she had him cremated? If so, once she has the remains help her decide what to do even if it means you have an urn in the living room.

It's not been a week, and especially with dogs everything will be so very different. She's not having to plan walks etc, each hour is a reminder.

In a few weeks, talk to her about getting another dog. Maybe not now, but with our last one we said maybe in a year the a rescue fell in our lap three months later. It definitely helped having a dog back in the house.

Another thing to think about is if the dog was put to sleep, was she there? If someone has never seen death of any kind this can be incredibly distressing. A few years ago my dad, (6 ft 4 big guy, rugby player mans man yada yada) had to walk out of the room when our cat was pts, it is not a pleasant experience.

You might be better posting this on the pets board.

Xxx

carefullycautious

Your emotional fragility is nothing to do with your partner or the death of her dog it is to do with your past family problems, drink and drug taking.

In view of this you would be wise to ask your GP for referral for counselling to resolve these issues and help you to understand your extreme reactions.

Any death whether animal or human leave the people behind having to go through a bereavement process it is part of life.

Take the first steps to help you understand what/why you feel the way you do and then you will be prepared for events in your own life that you can work through like everyone else

I wish you well

DigForVictory

I worry for perfect couples, as looks can be deceiving. You're the strong guy, who's been bereaved & is now in that unhealthy place of waiting for another beloved woman to die. Your glorious girl is shattered by her dog's death.
Get to your GP & ask for help & possibly a sick note so you can spend a bit of time with both lassies. None of us has a crystal ball to see the happy future, but we've survived enough to keep hoping & knowing when to ask for help.
Wishing you all the best of luck.

heartbreak_star

Definitely have a word with your GP - you need to sort out your own issues before you can truly be there for your beloved lady.

Good luck, lots of positive thoughts to you both!

HBS x

Rottensocks

Duuude, you do sound a bit needy my friend. You need to watch that, and try and control it a little, as it can tend to drive people away. I would defo advise you to get some counselling (not drugs etc) to explore your own issues around your childhood, as these seem to be muddying the water with your girlfriend's situation right now.

So, number one job today is to ring up and get a GP appointment and get yourself on a waiting list for counselling. You just say that your childhood and previous substance misuse is kinda unresolved for you at present and you just want to get yourself 100% well. The waiting list will be long, but I reckon you can hang in there.

Job number 2 for today: Your girlfriend's dog was a childhood friend to her. He made her feel safe and cared for when she was a child. Now that he has died, it isn't just that he has died, but a part of her childhood has died too. In grieving terms, that means she will likely be most comfy grieving for him with other people from her childhood - Hence she is turning to her Mum on this occasion, not you. I know you won't mind that she is needing hugs from her Mum on this occasion, once you realise why it is. So, Job number 2 - Understand that her needing support from other people right now is not a rejection of you. x

You mention your aunt - she is kind of like that dog in a way - you are losing her, and she is a figure of safety and comfort from your childhood. Grieving for her will make you feel childlike, just like it does for your girlfriend right now. You need to understand that these losses will bring out your childish self who doesn't want to be abandoned. When my beloved dog died, he had seen me through some troubled times, and I comforted myself with the view that he was able to leave me now because he had done his job and protected me when I needed it. It doesn't stop you feeling sad, but it does help you to feel grateful to those people - be they dogs, aunts, whatever - for the good part they played in your life.
So, job number 3 is maybe go visit your aunt and tell her how much she meant to you when you were small. Maybe even if she is very, very ill and not with it at all, it is a gift you can give her to tell her she was important to you.

And don't worry. The dead look your girlfriend has- it is just grief. Don't damage your relationship with her right now by being needy. Stay cool, it will all be alright.

duchy

You've come on in leaps and bounds but you are very reliant on your girlfriend -which isn't surprising sounds like she's your point of stability in a life that had lots of instability earlier on.

My bet is you feel excluded -as your girlfriend is expending all her emotional energy on her grief -but really that is normal. Why on earth you'd want to "have a break" is beyond me-Now is the time show how much you love her by been her rock, do things for her, cuddle her when she cries and generally make life easier for her whilst she works through the different stages of bereavement. In every relationship there are times when the needs of one partner outweigh the other ....in a healthy relationship it works both ways and makes the relationship stronger.

As for how long...Grieving has no timetable -it could be weeks...or months but it will gradually ease and life will go back to normal -so long as you don't do anything daft like desert her when she needs you the most. That would do damage. You talk about wanting perfection..... No relationship is perfect -and you'll have good times and not so good times....but the not so good ones like these at the moment are the ones that will strengthen your relationship in a way the cheesey stuff never can as you work through the hard times together and come through.

Jamie22334

Rottensocks wrote: »

Duuude, you do sound a bit needy my friend. You need to watch that, and try and control it a little, as it can tend to drive people away. I would defo advise you to get some counselling (not drugs etc) to explore your own issues around your childhood, as these seem to be muddying the water with your girlfriend's situation right now.

So, number one job today is to ring up and get a GP appointment and get yourself on a waiting list for counselling. You just say that your childhood and previous substance misuse is kinda unresolved for you at present and you just want to get yourself 100% well. The waiting list will be long, but I reckon you can hang in there.

Job number 2 for today: Your girlfriend's dog was a childhood friend to her. He made her feel safe and cared for when she was a child. Now that he has died, it isn't just that he has died, but a part of her childhood has died too. In grieving terms, that means she will likely be most comfy grieving for him with other people from her childhood - Hence she is turning to her Mum on this occasion, not you. I know you won't mind that she is needing hugs from her Mum on this occasion, once you realise why it is. So, Job number 2 - Understand that her needing support from other people right now is not a rejection of you. x

You mention your aunt - she is kind of like that dog in a way - you are losing her, and she is a figure of safety and comfort from your childhood. Grieving for her will make you feel childlike, just like it does for your girlfriend right now. You need to understand that these losses will bring out your childish self who doesn't want to be abandoned. When my beloved dog died, he had seen me through some troubled times, and I comforted myself with the view that he was able to leave me now because he had done his job and protected me when I needed it. It doesn't stop you feeling sad, but it does help you to feel grateful to those people - be they dogs, aunts, whatever - for the good part they played in your life.
So, job number 3 is maybe go visit your aunt and tell her how much she meant to you when you were small. Maybe even if she is very, very ill and not with it at all, it is a gift you can give her to tell her she was important to you.

And don't worry. The dead look your girlfriend has- it is just grief. Don't damage your relationship with her right now by being needy. Stay cool, it will all be alright.

Thank you.!

System

If I had to take a guess it would be - its not her eyes that have changed, you are looking differently. You are seeing yourself grieving in a couple of weeks time for your auntie when you see your g/f grieving today for her dog.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Remember to remain positive and that you are young - life constantly evolves. You will live and learn a lot that will help you piece together the jigsaw and overcome adversity.