Giving Up all Hope....no future.....Help Please..

needshope

Thank you to those of you that genuinely have cared enough to write something positive, I don't think I will post again as I cant believe people can be so horrible when someone is so low and in need...wrong place wrong time, should never of opened my heart and poured it out on here...thought I would get what I needed to pull me up even a little...will delete post and my actual account..kicking someone when they are down and hurting already, especially grieving, you should hang your heads in shame..

needshope wrote: »

Hi

I don't know if this is the right place to write this, forgive me if its not.but I have to write this or I will crack....

I cant begin how to tell you how horrendous my life has been over the last 6 years, and ive finally broken as my darling mum died a couple of weeks back.

Things over the years has just got worse and worse, ive had a hard poor life as it is but this now, the way I feel is it, no point no hope...

We have about £180,000 of debt, combined, Inland Revenue is about £35,000 of that through a failed business in 2008, tax credits over payments from years ago, carers allowance over payment from years ago, rent, council tax, clubs, solicitors, ge money, banks, visas, family, they send demands, I hide them away with all the other letters. went to debt people at council they helped me for a while then changed the system, I wasn't able to get anymore help...

I owned my house, but re mortgaged it to fund this business, lost it all and had to get a local housing association to buy it off me and rent it back to me...so humiliating but grateful.

My OH had a good job but illness came back and he mentally couldn't cope with that, he is as depressed as me but also 60 (me 46) feels no hope of any kind of work like he did before ( pilot but self employed, so many months not working then working been like this over 20 years) he cant look at any other work and too old for flying now...he lies under a duvet on the sofa all day and night sleeps there too, few quid he gets in his pension ( 100 a month) he buys fags and wine... our relationship is so strained and we dont talk with out me shouting..im so frustrated, he is so practical but grieves for his flying...I cant cope with it anymore, I don't drink or smoke but over weight...

We sit under duvets, with he lights out, no heating,watching tv, doors locked curtains and blinds closed all day every day.

we have very littleof anything and I get benefits due to my mental health, depression and anxiety, but I am not a stupid person, I keep trying for jobs, get interviews then no thanks....im done with that too, it wouldn't matter I cant make enough to cover everything anyway. there is no hope there really isn't.

my family don't speak to me after falling out over my poor mum, I wanted her at home to care for her they wouldn't help me shoved her In a home and had to go to hospital she fell twice, she had dementia ( she was looking for her dogs, they were her life) she had two bleeds to her brain, the second fall traumatised her and she deteriated ..my younger son and I stayed every night in the hospital with her,...sorry I am crying.....my mum was my world we did everything together with my kids, grown up now, my youngest son spent every night with her, he is destroyed by her passing, and my older son was brought up by her, I was so young I needed help...she kept the children when I went to college, did 3 jobs, to support us, as hubby left me 21 years ago.

I miss her so much and with everything thing else, I feel broken, I really cant cope...also over the last 6 years my dog died, my car fell to bits, no money to sort, my shower fell through my ceiling, my external boiler melted, my bedroom ceiling water poured through, whole ceiling came down, my older son turning to drink and drugs due to my mums illness, he has ADHD and depression so cant cope relies on me....there is so much more, sorry for all this.

I have done paperwork for bankruptcy but cant get the £200 to pay it, I attend a psychologist he's concerned about me, but I fall deeper and deeper into this abyss of pain, tears, no hope...I said to him " I have 20 years plus of this misery and pain" he said he is glad its not him...does that not sum it up...glad its not him glad its not anyone except me.

I hate this life, even the only good things, my kids, my grand son (9 months) are the only thing keeping me here...

How can one person have so much pain put on their shoulders?? im a good person, I am a caring loving person, but all this I am a resentful jealous person who cant believe my sisters who all live right beside me, ignore me, they all have money but couldn't care less about me....because I exploded told them what I thought of them not helping me take my mum home... they never wanted to care for her, I did for 4 months living with her...but she took unwell ..I cant its hurts too much...

I turn to you all, im sure some of you have walked my shoes felt my pain...but right now I feel the loneliest person on this earth...sorry I've just poured my heart out....sorry x

thecassman86

OP - as i asked earlier, is there any chance you could see a family member about the £200 for bankruptcy? I understand that it's not ideal but perhaps somebody will have the ability to do so and you can pay them back after the bankruptcy has gone through and you're back on your feet?

Danni-R

I would think if you hold tight and don't pay anything then they (the people you owe money to) will declare you bankrupt themselves and save you the fee.

Whilst I'm sorry that you're having a hard time, I wouldnt say that people have kicked you whilst you are down. If someone had come to you with this in such a short space of time, I'm sure your approach would also be a little bit warey?

needshope

Hi Danni

I actually said this is ongoing over the last 6 years, so not overnight,...thank you for your time to write to me, but I think burying your beloved mum who meant the world to you with everything else, and people been so cruel on here, is kicking someone when they are on their knees already, people come here for something, whatever it is, encouragement, support, understanding, ( I hoped for all three) I am totally stunned and shocked by some of the replies hence I think best I remove myself and never be such a fool to open up again and hope others who also have had such a horrific time through the years would help me....my life is as bad as I write...if only it wasn't and I was back pre 2007...full time employment as a family support worker with children disabilities....but life decided to throw me this....I was a very strong person before but this is how I am now...and I cant actually believe I am having to defend myself...take care and thank you again..

Danni-R wrote: »

I would think if you hold tight and don't pay anything then they (the people you owe money to) will declare you bankrupt themselves and save you the fee.

Whilst I'm sorry that you're having a hard time, I wouldnt say that people have kicked you whilst you are down. If someone had come to you with this in such a short space of time, I'm sure your approach would also be a little bit warey?

Trishiapp

needshope wrote: »

Hi

"he said he is glad its not him...does that not sum it up...

Those are your words. No?

In my last post, I was merely defending my profession, so people do not get discouraged from seeking help by thinking that, psychologists derive some sort of personal relief from treating patients experiencing mental health difficulties ! This, I can assure people, is far from the truth.

Also, if indeed you do have a Community Psychiatric Nurse ( CPN) then surely you are entitled to a lot of help already? No?


I suspect, this thread is going to be as long winded as the others were, with a lot of divisiveness between well meaning people, without any meaningful resolution. In order to avoid witnessing it, I'm stepping away from this.

needshope

....Yes he DID say that as well as the other stuff I have written...I have not or would I ever discourage anyone who has mental health issues to not seek help or have access to the best people to care for them... where have I suggested that??? I have a excellent relation with my DR, and as people have said on here they cant believe all this could happen to one person, he equally agreed its overwhelming to one person...and yes I do have a fantastic CPN, but sometimes other peoples experience's help you as well...im sorry you find my explanations' boring and long winded...defending myself when I was only looking for support...

Trishiapp wrote: »

needshope wrote: »

Hi

"he said he is glad its not him...does that not sum it up...

Those are your words. No?

In my last post, I was merely defending my profession, so people do not get discouraged from seeking help by thinking that, psychologists derive some sort of personal relief from treating patients experiencing mental health difficulties ! This, I can assure people, is far from the truth.

Also, if indeed you do have a Community Psychiatric Nurse ( CPN) then surely you are entitled to a lot of help already? No?


I suspect, this thread is going to be as long winded as the others were, with a lot of divisiveness between well meaning people, without any meaningful resolution. In order to avoid witnessing it, I'm stepping away from this.

Danni-R

I did write a long response but I don't think you want to hear it.

Please make yourself bankrupt. I'm sure if its been going on as long as you say it has you cant be far off your creditors doing it for you.
Get your OH to stop smoking, cancel the TV license (I've done it, its not that scary) and open the curtains. Its going to be a lovely week of sunshine and getting outside is good for the healthy mind.

Post a Statement of Affairs and we'll help you cut down your bills to get the money together but step one, get OH to stop smoking.

Trishiapp

needshope wrote: »

....Yes he DID say that as well as the other stuff I have written...I have not or would I ever discourage anyone who has mental health issues to not seek help or have access to the best people to care for them... where have I suggested that??? I have a excellent relation with my DR, and as people have said on here they cant believe all this could happen to one person, he equally agreed its overwhelming to one person...and yes I do have a fantastic CPN, but sometimes other peoples experience's help you as well...im sorry you find my explanations' boring and long winded...defending myself when I was only looking for support...

I had my doubts, but you have confirmed my suspicions... perhaps you could up- date your last tread?

Danni-R

You wont win people over by name calling. If you want to show you're better than other people, Please focus on what I've said. Post a SOA so people can help you in a practical way and not just by sending their sympathies etc.

Sazzie23

Danni-R wrote: »

I did write a long response but I don't think you want to hear it.

Please make yourself bankrupt. I'm sure if its been going on as long as you say it has you cant be far off your creditors doing it for you.
Get your OH to stop smoking, cancel the TV license (I've done it, its not that scary) and open the curtains. Its going to be a lovely week of sunshine and getting outside is good for the healthy mind.

Post a Statement of Affairs and we'll help you cut down your bills to get the money together but step one, get OH to stop smoking.

Hi Danni

Don't think you deserved the retort from OP, but I just wanted to say my OH has lung cancer, I would love to stop him smoking ( I work in healthcare) but its really not that easy unless he wants to stop. Sounds like a complex case of mental health issues & debt, and no easy answer.