Giving Up all Hope....no future.....Help Please..

needshope

Hi

I don't know if this is the right place to write this, forgive me if its not.but I have to write this or I will crack....

I cant begin how to tell you how horrendous my life has been over the last 6 years, and ive finally broken as my darling mum died a couple of weeks back.

Things over the years has just got worse and worse, ive had a hard poor life as it is but this now, the way I feel is it, no point no hope...

We have about £180,000 of debt, combined, Inland Revenue is about £35,000 of that through a failed business in 2008, tax credits over payments from years ago, carers allowance over payment from years ago, rent, council tax, clubs, solicitors, ge money, banks, visas, family, they send demands, I hide them away with all the other letters. went to debt people at council they helped me for a while then changed the system, I wasn't able to get anymore help...

I owned my house, but re mortgaged it to fund this business, lost it all and had to get a local housing association to buy it off me and rent it back to me...so humiliating but grateful.

My OH had a good job but illness came back and he mentally couldn't cope with that, he is as depressed as me but also 60 (me 46) feels no hope of any kind of work like he did before ( pilot but self employed, so many months not working then working been like this over 20 years) he cant look at any other work and too old for flying now...he lies under a duvet on the sofa all day and night sleeps there too, few quid he gets in his pension ( 100 a month) he buys fags and wine... our relationship is so strained and we dont talk with out me shouting..im so frustrated, he is so practical but grieves for his flying...I cant cope with it anymore, I don't drink or smoke but over weight...

We sit under duvets, with he lights out, no heating,watching tv, doors locked curtains and blinds closed all day every day.

we have very littleof anything and I get benefits due to my mental health, depression and anxiety, but I am not a stupid person, I keep trying for jobs, get interviews then no thanks....im done with that too, it wouldn't matter I cant make enough to cover everything anyway. there is no hope there really isn't.

my family don't speak to me after falling out over my poor mum, I wanted her at home to care for her they wouldn't help me shoved her In a home and had to go to hospital she fell twice, she had dementia ( she was looking for her dogs, they were her life) she had two bleeds to her brain, the second fall traumatised her and she deteriated ..my younger son and I stayed every night in the hospital with her,...sorry I am crying.....my mum was my world we did everything together with my kids, grown up now, my youngest son spent every night with her, he is destroyed by her passing, and my older son was brought up by her, I was so young I needed help...she kept the children when I went to college, did 3 jobs, to support us, as hubby left me 21 years ago.

I miss her so much and with everything thing else, I feel broken, I really cant cope...also over the last 6 years my dog died, my car fell to bits, no money to sort, my shower fell through my ceiling, my external boiler melted, my bedroom ceiling water poured through, whole ceiling came down, my older son turning to drink and drugs due to my mums illness, he has ADHD and depression so cant cope relies on me....there is so much more, sorry for all this.

I have done paperwork for bankruptcy but cant get the £200 to pay it, I attend a psychologist he's concerned about me, but I fall deeper and deeper into this abyss of pain, tears, no hope...I said to him " I have 20 years plus of this misery and pain" he said he is glad its not him...does that not sum it up...glad its not him glad its not anyone except me.

I hate this life, even the only good things, my kids, my grand son (9 months) are the only thing keeping me here...

How can one person have so much pain put on their shoulders?? im a good person, I am a caring loving person, but all this I am a resentful jealous person who cant believe my sisters who all live right beside me, ignore me, they all have money but couldn't care less about me....because I exploded told them what I thought of them not helping me take my mum home... they never wanted to care for her, I did for 4 months living with her...but she took unwell ..I cant its hurts too much...

I turn to you all, im sure some of you have walked my shoes felt my pain...but right now I feel the loneliest person on this earth...sorry I've just poured my heart out....sorry x

rizla_king

Ouch! Thought bankruptcy is £700?

thecassman86

Hi OP.

Truly sorry to hear your story. It sounds like you're going through a terrible time and i hope it's sorted for you as quickly and painlessly as possible. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, that must have been very hard for you. I'm not going to insult you and say "I know how you must feel", because i don't. But i hope i can at least offer some form of support and help.

I think, with the level of debt you have, you're right in that bankruptcy is the only option that's going to give you complete respite from all of this. I understand that your children suffer with their mental health etc too but is there any way you could borrow the money from them to declare bankruptcy? I'm sure it hurts them to see you like this so perhaps they're able to help find the money for you? Your psychiatrist sessions should continue; i think you need to get your mental state better before you can fully push for happiness.

Keep your focus on your kids and, most importantly, your young grandchild. They'll get you through this.

And you're not on your own; plenty of people on this forum have been through terrible times and the community is fantastic for support, advice or just a shoulder to cry on.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Toplolv

Sounds like you are having a tough time. We have had tough times because of debt and money and it does get you down. At some points when times were hard fir us it just felt that we jumped from one disaster to the next.

This forum is full of people that will help you, they helped me.

it sounds like bankrupcy is a good way to go,

vics1928

Don't judge - time will tell some people just need a place to vent

sourcrates

Am a bit unsure if this is a genuine post, but I`ll take it at face value, with this level of debt im amazed one or more of your creditors hasn't bankrupted you already, the cost of declaring yourself Bankrupt is around the £700 mark, not £200, don't know where you got this info from, there is always a way out, in your case I would say Bankruptcy is the only option, instead of hubby spending his pension on drink and fags, save the money for your bankruptcy petition and do something positive to resolve your situation.

Trishiapp

I agree good advice.

This sound suspiciously ( the writing style) like the "I need help!!! I don't know where to turn" thread. There's also another one, which sounds remarkably similar in style: house falling in disrepair, loneliness, useless, or disappearing husbands, no family support etc...

Let's see how this one evolves...

Oh yes, I am a mental health professional with many years of experience and can categorical say that a psychologist treating depression, or whatever else is wrong with OP would not say "I'm glad it's not me."

National_Debtline

sourcrates wrote: »

the cost of declaring yourself Bankrupt is around the £700 mark, not £200, don't know where you got this info from,

The bankruptcy fee is £200 for those living in Scotland. I'm wondering if the original poster lives there?

Best wishes,

David.

needshope

Its funny as I have said if this wasn't such a horrible TRUE AND PAINFUL time for me, people would think its fiction because so much has gone on...Can I also say to those who doubt or mock or indeed question my heartfelt first post, I came here for help for a different thought path I am on as I have read so many stories and some I can relate too..I am in Scotland, every word I have written is true, they way you have listed my life of hell for 6 years is hurtful and a mockery, you have no right... I come her for support and I hope strength, please do not do this to me ... first post ....thank you to those of you that truly care and have written helpful things...

needshope

Please read my reply to above insults to my situation...I have no reason to lie, I come here for help, understanding and I hope encouragement, my Dr said this because as I said not many people would wish this on anyone , he knows he wouldn't as he said....for someone who is a mental health worker, I find your comments shocking and to someone who has openly admitted to feeling as low as can be, you decided instead of encouraging, understanding you doubt me...thanks for that...I have been under my hospital for 5 years, CPN is called Sarah, I saw her today said I had written on here, before I actually saw any comment...

Trishiapp wrote: »

I agree good advice.


This sound suspiciously ( the writing style) like the "I need help!!! I don't know where to turn" thread. There's also another one, which sounds remarkably similar in style: house falling in disrepair, loneliness, useless, or disappearing husbands, no family support etc...


Let's see how this one evolves...


Oh yes, I am a mental health professional with many years of experience and can categorical say that a psychologist treating depression, or whatever else is wrong with OP would not say "I'm glad it's not me."

needshope

I live in Sotland..£200...

I have been waiting for this to happen, Sheriff officers have come for CT but they reduced my benefits to help towards.

sourcrates wrote: »

Am a bit unsure if this is a genuine post, but I`ll take it at face value, with this level of debt im amazed one or more of your creditors hasn't bankrupted you already, the cost of declaring yourself Bankrupt is around the £700 mark, not £200, don't know where you got this info from, there is always a way out, in your case I would say Bankruptcy is the only option, instead of hubby spending his pension on drink and fags, save the money for your bankruptcy petition and do something positive to resolve your situation.