Nice People Thread Number 11 - A Treasury of Nice People

Nikkster

I undertook some DIY (if removing a large piece of nailed in chipboard and some loft insulation from a blocked off doorway counts as DIY - its more like undoing-it-yourself), which is quite traditional for the Easter weekend.

No chocolate (egg-shaped or otherwise) here, but there is a very large (loaf-sized) hot cross bun...

Edit: I did end up having lamb for dinner yesterday. There were 2 lamb shanks in the freezer.

lostinrates

We didn't have traditional food, either for DH or for me in any of our cultural observances of faith or country. when I cannot eat lots of the stuff we felt it was better to eat stuff we could better eat together in the main. It was just DH and I most of the weekend, and I was cooking like a fiend to feed him anyway. .

I find it sad not to even nod, but happy we are not dwelling on it.

I was going to make a Spanish lentil dish tonight but I am too tired and feeling less well. RP ( now home) and DH have got something for themselves instead.

Spirit_2

LydiaJ wrote: »

In my current state of inertia most things are more effort than I can manage. We went to church, and we ate hot cross buns, and that was about it. Food has been whatever I could summon the energy to deal with. I failed to get round to getting eggs for my kids,

Lydia, that sounds very sad. Not the lack of chocolate, but that you are too depressed to manage the shopping for them and the lack of energy for meals.

When your finances improve, could you employ a mothers help/housekeeper to taken on some tasks and give you a bit more 'space'.

It is excellent that you went to church and i know that is a regular part of your life. What is it that motivated you to get to church? Can you draw on that to help you in other ways?

Can I/we help in anyway?

Spirit_2

vivatifosi wrote: »

The joys of working for ....

OH was off all weekend as planned. However it was not a holiday in Russia so on Friday he had a number of unplanned calls and communications with Russians....including a Russian Minister (of the political not religious kind).

When he worked for a California based company they would ring him at night...as they 'forgot' the time difference. so it is better than that.

LydiaJ

Spirit wrote: »

Lydia, that sounds very sad. Not the lack of chocolate, but that you are too depressed to manage the shopping for them and the lack of energy for meals.

When your finances improve, could you employ a mothers help/housekeeper to taken on some tasks and give you a bit more 'space'.

It is excellent that you went to church and i know that is a regular part of your life. What is it that motivated you to get to church? Can you draw on that to help you in other ways?

Can I/we help in anyway?

Awww. Thanks. I'm touched that you feel that way.

Long answer follows. Sorry. Please only read it if you actually want to know...

It's not as bad as it probably sounds, Spirit. I'm not depressed. I don't feel hopeless or sad or any of the things depressed people feel. Burnout is different. I feel more like a person who's on anti-depressants than an actual depressed person. Everything feels very flat and blank most of the time.

I still know just as much that life is good and exciting and full of possibilities. It's just that most of the time I feel that actually doing any of the things requires more energy than I can muster. I can motivate myself to do things that have deadlines that matter to "outsiders" - ie not me and my children. So I can show up on time at work, and do my marking in time to give back next lesson, and things like that. I can show up (usually a bit late) if I've arranged to meet somebody, or to something I belong to and am committed to attending regularly (like church, or the church group I go to on Wednesday evenings in term time). But structure at home is another matter. I do enough washing that everyone has clean school uniform, I make sure everyone has enough to eat, even if they have to forage in the fridge for it themselves, and I tidy when the cleaner's coming so that she'll be able to clean.

It's not actually like that *all* the time. As I am beginning to get a little better, I switch between two modes that I call "power on" and "power off". The "power off" mode is as I've just described, whereas "power on" is more like normal people are. However, it's quite unpredictable when I'm going to switch suddenly from one to the other. I am spending more time than usual in "power off" mode because I've just had three weeks of "holiday" - ie being at home with my kids and no grown-ups to talk to. I've had actual social contact (ie not counting till staff in supermarkets etc) with other adults on 7 of the last 23 days. Since I'm highly extroverted and energised by being with people, this is not good for me - I almost always switch to "power on" when I'm with people (well, adult people) although I often switch off again as soon as I'm not with them any more.

I've been like this for years. Burnout is a reaction to an extended period of excessive stress, which for me was on and off for most of the time between autumn 2003 and spring 2012.

It is improving gradually - I've had quite a lot more "power on" this spring term than last spring term, for example - but my circumstances aren't ideal. If you've burnt out at work, you're supposed to take several weeks or even months off, and be looked after at home by a partner who takes a lot of the cooking, cleaning, parenting etc off your hands, but that's a bit difficult if it's not your paid job that's the problem, but everything else, and there's no partner to do anything. I do have a cleaner, and I couldn't manage without her, and in term time I eat excellent meals in the school canteen, which keeps my diet more balanced than I would bother to cook for myself. DD has good school meals too, and DS is too fussy for his diet to be any more balanced than it is anyway.

I would get better much faster if I did the things you are supposed to do - eat healthy food at the right time of day, go to bed on time, take moderate exercise, spend lots of time with people who matter to you etc etc. However, until I am better, I am unable to organise myself to do those things, although I do try very hard to book in seeing a friend at least once a week, and usually manage it.

I started seeing a counsellor last term. I am still hoping she will eventually provide me with the structure and accountability that I need to make me do the eating/sleeping/exercising things right. However, so far she just keeps telling me that I am being too hard on myself, and should stop beating myself up and setting unrealistic standards for myself.... blah blah blah... which is what everyone always says.

As for what you can do... well, you all help a lot anyway, by providing me with adults to "talk" to, even when I can't reach any IRL. You could shoot me if I post on here after midnight. That might make me go to bed a little earlier, perhaps?

Spirit_2

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Waited until the rain stopped, and then went for a stroll (parents, sisters, brother, uncle, me, OH, son, and 3 dogs)

That is a lovely picture.

OH and the duppy have had some lovely walks over the weekend, in amongst blue bells today. DD was at Lambourn for the open day on Good Friday, was a groom for a friend at a riding club event on Saturday and at a concert Sunday. I have been a bit sedentary .

I made short trip out to the shops to buy a dress http://www.johnlewis.com/precis-petite-textured-animal-shift-dress-french-navy/p1353156 (it was MSE as it was £129 then had 20% off) and a Bobbi Brown mascara. The first make up I have bought in years.

I may buy more, but need advice on what to buy.

silvercar

Lydia, I wonder if the forthcoming inquest is playing on your mind and generating some of these burn out feelings?

I find aiming to get some fresh air each day helpful if you are not in a position to exercise.

Sounds like you haven't (yet) clicked with your counsellor.

Passover cooking was strenuous at the time. But the big change over (dishes and food) and getting rooms ready for guests, tidying up the house etc all happened at the same time. So last weekend was hectic followed by big seder dinners Monday and Tuesday night. But worth it to see everyone keeping the traditions going and my mother seemed boosted by it all, even if she said how sad it was to be alone at these times. By Passover tactic is to over cook massively at the start of Passover and have enough meals left over that I can then chill. Worked well so far. Helped this year when we decided to go up North to visit the in-laws for the weekend, so at least we have spent some part of Passover with them.

I hope GDP's wife is coping OK, it must be particularly raw to have Passover so soon after being bereaved.

lostinrates

Spirit, if you want other make up advice I really recommend space nk if there is one near you. I've not had a bad steer in there. Ever. Which I cannot say about any other make up counter. When things have stopped working with my difficult skin space nk have been super help ful about samples etc too. I tried a beautiful mascara in there last year, but cannot a
Justify cost of it, not least as I have to throw mine away a lot because of eyes. Otherwise it was the best I have ever tried. Sigh. lol.

If not I'm not that bad at some things cosmetic. Not up on latest things all the time.

Spirit_2

LydiaJ wrote: »

Awww. Thanks. I'm touched that you feel that way.

Long answer follows. Sorry. Please only read it if you actually want to know...

It's not as bad as it probably sounds, Spirit. I'm not depressed. I don't feel hopeless or sad or any of the things depressed people feel. Burnout is different. I feel more like a person who's on anti-depressants than an actual depressed person. Everything feels very flat and blank most of the time.


As for what you can do... well, you all help a lot anyway, by providing me with adults to "talk" to, even when I can't reach any IRL. You could shoot me if I post on here after midnight. That might make me go to bed a little earlier, perhaps?

Lydia it does sound quite sad. Have you had a Consultant opinion and advice on what can help you? I know mental health problems take many guises,

When I was depressed I did not feel hopeless and sad. It was a lowering of mood. It sucked my energy and motivation away and despite a Psychiatrists diagnosis I would not accept that I was depressed. In the end it made me agrophobic/ created social anxieties..well disguised as I made it to work, however had all sorts of ways of avoiding many other situations/excursions.

I had CBT which helped a bit but the turning point for me was when I finally accepted I was depressed and then agreed to anti depressants. That took time but brought the depression to an end and I came off them.

Spirit_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Spirit, if you want other make up advice I really recommend space nk if there is one near you. I've not had a bad steer in there. Ever. Which I cannot say about any other make up counter. When things have stopped working with my difficult skin space nk have been super help ful about samples etc too. I tried a beautiful mascara in there last year, but cannot a
Justify cost of it, not least as I have to throw mine away a lot because of eyes. Otherwise it was the best I have ever tried. Sigh. lol.

If not I'm not that bad at some things cosmetic. Not up on latest things all the time.

I had not even thought of them. I bought Bobbi Brown because the Mac counter looked a bit busy .

I do not have much make up, and what I have could all do with being chucked out as it is rarely used. There are a couple of Estee Lauder and Chanel lipsticks that are in shades I like (probably not fashionable) but I am in the mood to try something new, so want to buy whilst I feel like this.

Will google Space NK.