Q re: lasting power of attorney

elliebellie

Hi, hoping the collective knowledge of MSE can help pls?

Situation is:
Husband is married to 2nd wife (no children as result of this marriage) and has asked his son (who lives about 200 miles away)to be his nominated attorney in LPA, for both finance and healthcare.

It's a pretty old fashioned set-up (only in my opinion, no offence meant to anyone, honest) and he controls all the finances, including food for shopping etc. Husband has a number of sources of income and wife only has pension, which would not cover the household expenses.

All households bills etc are in the husbands name and he has already stated he has no intention of changing this, as his son will manage everything under LPA.

At the moment he has capacity to make decisions, so LPA is good planning, however if husband no longer has capacity and his son has to live up to the LPA requirements, would the wife have to ask the son for money for things like bills/food/petrol ie general day to day living expenses?

Or can the wife be named as some sort of deputy attorney?

Hope this makes sense, any advice would be very gratefully received.

Many many thanks

BitterAndTwisted

Has the husband explained to his wife why she would have to go with a begging-bowl to his son in order for the electricity bill to be paid?

Mojisola

[QUOTE=elliebellie;64977170
It's a pretty old fashioned set-up (only in my opinion, no offence meant to anyone, honest) and he controls all the finances, including food for shopping etc. Husband has a number of sources of income and wife only has pension, which would not cover the household expenses.

All households bills etc are in the husbands name and he has already stated he has no intention of changing this, as his son will manage everything under LPA. [/QUOTE]

I would be advising the wife to get a divorce now. She will be left with having to care for the husband and justify all her spending to his son. What century does this man live in?

elliebellie

Hi, sorry couldn't back online till now.

B&T: he hasn't explained anything to her, she found out by accident. But I honestly don't think he cares that this will be the case. IMHO it's an extension of the control he currently exerts over her.

Mojisola: absolutely agree with you, have said this myself, but no joy. He is an 80 something yr old, who is just nasty.

I think what surprises me, is the son has apparently (that may change, hopefully) agreed to this without asking "why are you not naming your wife? You have been married for 30+ years!!"

I will do some digging and feedback the potential impact on her life and the fact she will have to justify the spending and the fact this is what the husband wants pretty much shows an utter disdain and lack of respect for her.

tyllwyd

I think this could put the son in a very strange position. If the husband went into a carehome permanently, say, then since the son has the LPA all his actions should be for the benefit of the husband, so it could be argued that all of the husband's money should be spent on the husband and nothing on the wife. I think in fact the situation is not that harsh and it is OK to continue to maintain the husband's dependants on the grounds that that is what the husband would have wanted. He wouldn't have to pay bills directly, he could always give the wife an income so that she could manage her own affairs. But I think the son/husband/wife should all independently talk to solicitors so that they all know what their rights/responsibilities are.

Poppops

Can the LPA not be contested?

margaretclare

This reminds me of a situation I encountered some years ago when I was a volunteer trainee for CAB. A woman came in absolutely distraught. Husband had died suddenly and, as the lady in this case will be, she had only her retirement pension, 60% of the normal rate, and was getting 'final demands' from all points of the compass. She had no idea about paying bills, had never paid a bill in her life. It had seemed quite a normal situation for her, one she was comfortable with - UNTIL the worst happened!

I went straight out of there and persuaded DH that we really must have a joint account into which we could both pay and from which all bills could be paid. That arrangement has now worked well for a decade.

Another member of CAB had the same arrangement as that poor lady - husband was a retired bank manager and gave her 'housekeeping money' from which to buy food and pay the papers and the milkman.

Very short-sighted and very very much outdated!

Mojisola

elliebellie wrote: »

Husband has a number of sources of income and wife only has pension, which would not cover the household expenses.

All households bills etc are in the husbands name and he has already stated he has no intention of changing this, as his son will manage everything under LPA.

margaretclare wrote: »

Very short-sighted and very very much outdated!

And these days seen as abusive -

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence
"Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
• psychological
• physical
• sexual
• financial
• emotional

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour."

margaretclare

Apparently they (the old guys) used to see it as part of their job, to 'take care of her', relieve her of any responsibility. It's the 'don't worry your pretty little head' mentality that used to be prevalent.

Does he give her 'housekeeping money' - I know you said he controls food shopping, but does he let her do it?

The CAB woman I mentioned, wife of a retired bank manager, thought it was quite OK. She just casually mentioned on a Friday that she 'had to cash her housekeeping cheque'. She looked at me gone out when I didn't understand what she meant.

securityguy

Presumably, the son is as big a !!!! as his father? Because otherwise, he would refuse point blank to have anything to do with this.

The woman should get a divorce. But that is, of course, much easier said than done.

margaretclare

securityguy wrote: »

Presumably, the son is as big a !!!! as his father? Because otherwise, he would refuse point blank to have anything to do with this.

The woman should get a divorce. But that is, of course, much easier said than done.

Not necessarily. Haven't you heard of the increase in the number of 'silver divorces'?

She may think it's quite OK. She may be feeling 'safe and protected'.

Me, I would have run for the hills long before this state of affairs occurred. Correction: I'd never have married a man like this in the first place.

I was at a political conference yesterday, and got talking to a woman I know. She has a new 'boy-friend' and he didn't like her going. She said she'd told him that 'our relationship will be of short duration if you try to stop me doing what's important to me, going where I want to go'.