Too easy at home?

turtleneck

Edited post

BitterAndTwisted

I agree with your parents: sit tight, stash money away and save like mad until you have a 20% deposit. It doesn't make any financial sense to rent when you could save for your own place.

Most people move away from home because they want the independence and/or privacy, so unless these become a serious issue I'd stop where you are

SuzieSue

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I agree with your parents: sit tight, stash money away and save like mad until you have a 20% deposit. It doesn't make any financial sense to rent when you could save for your own place.

Most people move away from home because they want the independence and/or privacy, so unless these become a serious issue I'd stop where you are

I agree with this. Save as much you can can while you are living rent free.
Are you in a relationship? A person in their thirties still living at home might put a few people off but you probably don't want a relationship with such shallow people anyway and it is becoming more and more common now anyway.

The ideal situation would be for you to buy a property with someone else but if that doesn't happen, you just need to save even harder so that you can buy on your own.

00ec25

it depends on what sort of life you have living at home. If you have your own social life and the inability to bring friends back to your "own" place is not a major hindrance then carry on as you are because financially it is the only sensible thing to do

moneyistooshorttomention

Did you give the house deposit amount of money you had earlier on to your father or lend it to him?

If you gave it to him, then how do you think the "balance of payments" lies between you both now. Do you owe him overall or does he owe you?

If he owes you, then is there any way he can manage to repay you the money he owes you and you can have your house deposit back again?

I will admit to being surprised at helping someone out financially without knowing the details as to why they were in that situation, whoever they are. But that's the way things are in my own family, from both points of view pretty much.

There is the very pragmatic viewpoint that your age + 25 years/30 years (ie length of a mortgage) will come to about your retirement age. So it is best to get a move on and start up your mortgage asap.

Woolwich_Kim

For me, I am 30 and live with parents.

Yes, I believe there does come an age where it does seem a bit ridiculous. Some believe that is especially so for a man. However, given the housing situation lately it's probably unrealistic to expect someone to be a homeowner by our age especially if single.

Talking of single, I don't feel very confident about meeting someone whilst still living with folks so have not made any effort to put myself on the market due to this.

This does depend on an individual's attitude and relationship with parents though. If someone was living at home because they were a mummy's boy then I would see that as pathetic to be honest. If they were there as a way to save money and have the ambition to leave home then for me that's ok.

As for your question, do you feel you need your own space for self development? I don't think age matters in this. If you get on with your dad and he is open minded and accepting of your lifestyle to the point where you can do what you want and bring home whomever you want then that probably isn't so different to having a flat mate.

moneyistooshorttomention

Personally, I'd see things exactly the same for both sexes. The only reason for being more concerned with a man than a woman still living with parents is that I would wonder (if I were a potential partner) whether he was "house-trained" or no. There would be no way of telling if a man was a slob and wouldn't pull his weight on the housework front for Mrs Potential Wife/Partner if he were still living with parents (as there's a good chance Mummy might still be "waiting on him) whereas, if he were living independently, it would be possible to get an idea how much of his "share" of the housework he would do if coupled-up (filthy kitchen/bed not changed for weeks/etc would not bode well for any would-be partner). I certainly found the state of a mans place a pretty useful indicator as to whether he was a potential "keeper" or no.

For either sex, I would want to know they had a good idea of financial realities and chances are they wouldn't have if they were still living with their parents.

saterkey

my brother still lives at home and he is 37, up to now he doesn't deal with bills, doesn't wash up or make food, just goes out to work, doesn't even make his bed or do his washing. he has had no interest in moving out.
however, now my parents depend on him, my mum is now carer to father whos had had about 3 strokes and seisures and is basically home bound. They rely on my brother to take them places, and my father cannot let him out of his site for more than half and hour without getting stressed and anxious and het up, if hes at work he constantly rings him, he now has no social life. dad cannot now speak and needs constant help, he couldn't move out now even if he wanted to. So basically don't leave it so long that you cannot move out.

Pixie5740

There is too much failure to launch these days. I know people in their 30s still living at home with little or no intention of moving out because they can't afford to buy somewhere like their parents' home straight away. Nor will they be able to any time soon since they like spending their disposable income on cars and holidays. Now their parents are stuck with them and are extending their homes to accomodate these adult children.

Never mind what adult children living at home want, what about their poor parents who are stuck with them?

Dan-Dan

If your not caring for a relative and your still at home past 25 , then you need a big size 12 boot up the backside

Realopinion

turtleneck wrote: »

So my question is, does there come a point where you need your own space, can it get in the way of your self-development/relationships/career and how can I best move forward in the situation I describe above?

It seems quite a draw paying no rent but do you feel like you are not moving forward? Buying a home of your own and settling down isn't for everyone. In fact a hundred years ago it was normal for the family home to pass to the eldest child and so on.

The biggest push to get your own home is when you want to settled down with someone. Owning a property is linked to forward thinking, creating a nest for a man or woman to live in and create children. Not sure you can do this whilst living at home. Also, partners almost expect to have their own independent home.

There are exceptions. My mates brother lives next door to his mum and dad; they've opened up the fence and have an open house for them to walk in and out of. Personally I'd prefer to live away from my parents because I want to be independent - horses for courses.

If you did pay your dad that money, make sure you get an agreement in place confirming that it is repaid to you. It is a lovely gesture to pay a family member money and often you say, Don't worry about it, almost expecting that when it comes around to getting paid back, you will be top of the pile. This creates a lot of arguments when circumstances change; especially if you did move out, got married and suddenly really needed the money back.

The type of agreement would be a Deed of Trust and potentially link it to the sale of your dad's home. Obviously this does not give you security if there is no equity in the home on sale.

Family agreements are great when everyone gets along, but throw into the pot an outside influence like a wife or husband, then you have to think not just about your paternal family relationship, but also your partners. This is where arguments can arise and it is always best to deal with things in an upfront way with an agreement simply saying, I gave you this and you'll give it back to me when you sell that.

BTW I think its great you helped your dad and that you seem to get along really well together.