how do you stay positive?

blue_pixie

Hello everyone :-)

I was wondering how everyone stays positive.

My situation is that my debt is a very personal and private thing that I just plug away at (now that I've faced it after 4 years of burying) and its nothing to do with my family or my partner, who came along after it was all at the default stage. So I find it quite a lonely process, and I struggle with those occasional moments of panic and guilt and disappointment in myself. And just general worry.

Does anyone else feel this way and how do you deal?

:-)

millionaire_in_training

Hi, I think everyone feels that way. I know I do but mostly I am just glad that I have found here and am dealing with it. My friends and family just think I'm skint because I am a single Mum . There will be an end to it if we keep going. Chin up xx

Historybuff

I think we all have those feelings and can't talk about the debt to anyone for the reasons you describe. Talking anonymously on here helps enormously, especially as you know you are not on your own and there are plenty of people in the same boat. I was despairing, anxious and not sleeping over it all before I found this site. Now I've knuckled down and am dealing with it, thanks to the advice I got on here. It's hard to stay positive, but it's easier knowing you are doing something about it and you are not the only one in that situation.
Keep plugging away!

Polk

I'm new on here but I can tell you this much:

No matter what you are feeling right now, confronting it head on and being open and honest about it is far, far better than hiding it away.
In my own experience, anyone who judges you because of this probably isn't really worth your time anyway.

Not one of my friends or family thinks any less of me because of my money troubles. Or because of my struggle with depression. quite the opposite in fact.
My sister described me as a 'daft !!!!!!' and then gave me a gentle scolding for not telling her sooner and a big cuddle.
My Dad quietly slipped me £100 and has steadfastly refused all attempts to pay him back since
My Boss spends 5 minutes every day talking to me about how I am feeling and offering support.
Every single one of my friends has done something quietly amazing for me.

and I fully intend to pay every single one of them back.


However, getting the point of feeling confident and strong enough to tell them took me 6 months. When I did it, I broke down. No one judged me, the feeling of relief was amazing.
I have written two words on my whiteboard in the kitchen: Live Positive
I keep reminding myself that there are people out there in a worse situation than me. Quite a few of them have no choice but to get on with the situation they are in and make the best of it. It humbles me.
So I decided a few weeks ago to 'Live Positive' and not let life beat me. It is hard. Especially on the mornings when I can barely get out of bed, but right now I can talk about it because I am feeling positive, the sun is shining and I am in a get up and go mood. last night, I could not have said this to you.

good_advice

Positive - Yes that's me! well most of the time.
I like to see some good in everything and everybody. Although that does not always work.

I do go of my guard sometimes and tell people just what I think of them. That is the sort of people who I consider take full advantage of my good nature. All take and no help given in return.

Positive in Debt = we all have dept. Just some more than others.
Being positive is having the right attitude. looking towards something good. Simple things. Learning to say no!

Making do with what you have or buying second hand.
It does not matter. It is people that matter! having someone to talk to or visit you.

dubs57

Somehow I find it impossible to admit to anybody about my debt or how and why it came about but reading on here about other peoples experiances and struggles and successes helps me to realise that other people are coping with it and sirely if they can so can I. It gives me courage.

blue_pixie

dubs57 wrote: »

Somehow I find it impossible to admit to anybody about my debt or how and why it came about but reading on here about other peoples experiances and struggles and successes helps me to realise that other people are coping with it and sirely if they can so can I. It gives me courage.

Oh me too this forum is what's getting me through... I can't wait to come on and be debt free :-) good luck everyone! Thanks for your replies, keep them coming... :-)

maganan

blue_pixie wrote: »

Hello everyone :-)

I was wondering how everyone stays positive.

My situation is that my debt is a very personal and private thing that I just plug away at (now that I've faced it after 4 years of burying) and its nothing to do with my family or my partner, who came along after it was all at the default stage. So I find it quite a lonely process, and I struggle with those occasional moments of panic and guilt and disappointment in myself. And just general worry.

Does anyone else feel this way and how do you deal?

:-)

Ahh I feel for it was only my children that knew at the start and now a very select few of my work colleagues/friends who are also on DMPs (I bet there are people you know who are too!)

My youngest son now says "just think how "well off" you'll be this time next year with an extra £650/mth as we've not been any worse off day to day, Aldi is better quality than many. We've had camping holidays (he prefers these) we still have meals out as a treat (we order smaller plates/special offer menus etc and order tap water to drink) so nothing's really changed we have what we need and life is good"

As mum I've not always believed this but yeah it's all true the subtle changes are probably the ones that will definitely stay as they are so ingrained why pay £2 for coke/orange juice when you can have 2 bottles in a shop etc

You'll get there by reading this site even if you don't post and you'll share useful tips with friends people were amazed when I said I tuck the curtains inside the radiators to save energy

Loads and loads of us are in debt for loads and loads of reasons but we are dealing with it and I bet you have at least 1 friend or colleague on here doing the same

Good luck

Kate x

blue_pixie

Thanks Kate. :-)

Personally I feel guilty if I spend money on anything, if I do anything fun that costs money, i dont enjoy it even if ive not paid for it!!
Luckily for me i have a lovely son whose idea of an amazing day out is running around the hills, and is just the least demmanding human I know :-)
He is only 10 though so I'm told he'll turn into a monster in around 3 years time.. hopefully my debt will be paid by then! ;-)
I am just struggling on a very personal level just now. I lost my parents in October, and I have changed jobs twice and moved house once, to say I feel a little insecure would be an understatement. I'm coping, but I have these days where I feel like a burden on my partner and son and very inadequate. I just wish I could stop these feelings from overwhelming me as I get very tearful and upset. I hate burdening my family with my problems though.
I'm 29 and I have debts of around 3000. I will pay them off by the time I'm 30.. 11 months to go.

Kate_fixing_it

I had my first fall apart and admit moment around the same time as my LBM. I encountered a huge amount of support but the person I thought would help was a complete waste of space. I've barely spoken to her since. I had a secondary tell-all moment last week. Things have taken a turn for the worse and I just couldn't go on.

I've always subscribed to the theory that things could be worse, lately life/fate/the universe seems to be thinking that's a challenge! But let's face it, no matter how bad things are it really COULD be worse.

Having people to talk to - even just on here - eases the stress so much. Going it alone is such a hard journey but I always find this forum a massive support. We all have a common goal and no matter how hard today is it's only 24 hours of your life. Tomorrow could be the day it all turns around. I try to take one day at a time and eventually all those days will add up and my DFD will be here.

Kate x

blue_pixie

I was taught from a young age to always remember there was someone worse off than you and any situation could always be worse. Its always helped me cope, and let's face it its true :-)