Split from Husband...need advice please

Tigsteroonie

You can have all the moral outrage you want. The law is that the assets including pensions are considered joint and will be considered for division between the two parties. Behaviour (unless it's gambling away all the family money) isn't taken into account when calculating that division.

If you don't like it, then lobby your MP to lobby the Justice system to change the law.

Georgiegirl256

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

You can have all the moral outrage you want. The law is that the assets including pensions are considered joint and will be considered for division between the two parties. Behaviour (unless it's gambling away all the family money) isn't taken into account when calculating that division.

If you don't like it, then lobby your MP to lobby the Justice system to change the law.

Totally understand that, and I'm not disputing it, but IMO it doesn't make it right is all I'm saying. 3 years down the line and because the OP's partners ex-wife is claiming then the OP wants to too, seems abit money grabbing to me.

brenda10

Netwizard wrote: »

If the OP was being beaten up or the hubbie was being an utter !!!!!!, surely the OP would have mentioned this in the post.

The way its been written, it sounds like OP wants to have her cake and eat it! We can only judge on what has been written and the way the post has been written, the OP doesn't sound like a very nice person. If the OP adds more detail later and it turns out that hunny is a !!!!!!, hence the reason for shagging someone else, I will gladly apologise. (Although in that case, surely its better to end the marriage first, then jump into bed with someone else, not the other way round!)

The marriage was not WE for her it was I. CONTROLLING NARCISSIST. Read all about a narc! MONEY is their life and PENSION pots also, everything even though they have stolen all the bank account funds because the partner trusted her!

harrys_dad

sacha28 wrote: »

I did say I was working on assumptions so don't get so worked up. I also said that I don't know the history and I was basing my opinions on the very little information provided.

...

And incredibly judgemental opinions they were too. I hate to think what you would have said given all the information.

Ms_Chocaholic

OP - do you have a pension? If so, your ex will be entitled to half in your divorce settlement too.

wssb

sacha28 wrote: »

I did say I was working on assumptions so don't get so worked up. I also said that I don't know the history and I was basing my opinions on the very little information provided.

I hate finances, root of all evil.

And, for what it's worth, SHE cheated not him and moved in with someone else. So she isn't homeless either.

Did you ever think that some parents don't want to just dump their children infull time childcare? I work part time but both myself and husband want our daughter at home with one of us as much as possible.

Your views on women at home seem a bit warped. How dare you say we don't work for our half of the marital assets, and that's what a pension is. My days at work are almost easier than at home, at least I get breaks their. And it's not usually men that are up most of the night with children who are not well.

I don't usually post on these but your views really annoyed me. Perhaps you and your husband are happy to leave each others pensions alone, but I guarantee my husband would share his freely if we ever split. Unlike you I think he understands the worth of a woman who puts her career after her children.

bugslet

warehouse wrote: »

Excuse my outrage whilst another ***** does the same to her ex, and even comes on here to wring every drop of blood out of him whilst she's at it fully supported by mumsnet mse users.

Men can do the same, mine tried until he realised that by not marrying he didn't have the claim on my finances that he would have had, had we married.

marisco wrote: »

Personally I don't think there is any excuse or justification for cheating on a partner, regardless of what state a marriage is in. If there are problems address them. If they cant be fixed move on and then start again. An affair is a huge betrayal .

That's it for me. If you have a problem, try and fix it. If you can't then don't step out with someone else until you've told the first person that it's over.

We have no idea if the OP was beaten black and blue every day or just got fed up and all the stages in betweeen. However, once you enter into a marriage contract, then various things are decided in advance, that's the point of marriage, it gives you rights and advantages that the non-married don't have. If those rights and advantages don't suit someone later, then you shouldn't have got married, sort out your own agreement about how you split things.

Person_one

wssb wrote: »

Did you ever think that some parents don't want to just dump their children infull time childcare?

The choice to work or to be a SAHM parent are equally valid (for the first 4/5 years at least!), there's no need for derogatory language from either side. Parents who work don't 'dump' their children anymore than parents who don't work sit around watching Jeremy Kyle all day.