Depression Support Thread

shazrobo

night everyone, going to bed, got a lot of driving tommorrow, hopefully the kids portable dvd players will keep them quiet for the journey,and hoping the weather is as nice as it was today.
big hugs everyone
shaz x

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Sorry I havent been on in here much tonight,Been busy making a Valentines card for Westlife to try and win a handmade one from the lads and signed I will put it up tomorrow for you all to see

Sorry to hear about the loss of your BIL BMF,sending condolences to you and the family

chat tomorrow

Night! Night!

love and light,

Katie xxx

skollieal

slowlyfading wrote: »

Having a rubbish day today. Just watched Casualty which was upsetting, great episode though. hope everyone else is okay. x

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day today. Casualty certainly was upsetting wasnt it, and food for thought. Issues like suicide need to be raised. It really had an impact on me. Hope tomoro is a better day for you

skollieal

Diamond78

BigmummaF- Soooo sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you know that we are all thinking of you and are here if you need to chat.HUGS

Its gone past midnight again and im on here, should be in bed or out partying but ive done all my partying before I had my son and Im not missing out on anything.Id rather be indoors, cosy with my pjs on and with the heating on.

Wasnt it lovely and sunny today.I was knackered when I woke up, serves me right for spending so much time thinking about this and that but cant be helped.Woke up at 9 (never sleep through, takes me ages to fall asleep and wake up lots and its difficult getting back to sleep). I really dont like some of the dreams I have, why cant I have nice and happy dreams???I seriously think if i did, it might put me in a better mood for the day.Anyway took littleman football training and came home, went toys r us to see what my son wants for his borthday and then food shopping.I do not like food shopping!!!

Wish I had a car,money so me and my son could just get in the car and drive away somewhere nice, away from this dump we are in.

Im so !!!!ed off I didnt win the euromillions!!! I had made so many plans!!! I hope soon, its not like I want loads, just enough to get me out this flat and pay for more driving lessons and buy a car, take my son disney and a nice holiday in the sun.Oh and some new clothes,shoes,lots of toys for my son and a new mobile.Hehe Im asking for loads arent i???Oh well, Im gonna win someday.

Its not long to valentines day now, whats everyone got planned???I hope you all have a lovely and romantic time.Mine looks like another lonely valentines,oh well that will come in time too....

Hugs and kisses to u all-hope ur all feeling well n good and if not sending you some hope u feel better hugs

xx

Spikey_2

My mate suggested I become a male gigolo..... don't think so.... but then again........ only joking

in reply to your valentines day question

chocomum

Diamond78 wrote: »

RAZORBLADEKISSES, awww please dont be so hard on yourself. Im not sure whats happened as Ive not been on again for a while. I seem to not come on when im feeling so low. I hate these mood swings I have, I can be ok for a bit but then sudenly come crashing down. I have realised the main trigger being not taking my AD, i hate it so much. Im on seroxat liquid. I use to be on 8 spoons a day, reduced to 6 and now 4 spoons, i have severe side affects as in trembling, shaking ect but when i was taking 8 spoons I felt suicidal. In the past I had taken overdoses, long before I had my son which is why i do not like taking tablets, i hate them. I also have ahistory of self harm and have very bad scars on my arms which all started when i was a tenager. I have self harmed on and off throughout the years, some just little cuts some bad but luckily have not done any bads ones for over a year. I have wanted to so much, unless someone has been through it no one really understands.I tend to get judged as Im some kindo psyco but Im not. My doctor knows about it ect and have had coucelling before but now i have moved and in a new place which is a !!!! hole but am being strong for my son. I still get the urge of cutting my arms but I dont know, it passes after a while. I regret it as the summer time i have to cover up and i look odd with long sleeves on, my son thinks i fell on glass on one arm and on the other i said i burnt it on the grill. Its hard coz i have all different type of cuts aswell as 1 fg burn, i feel ashamed but thats coz i had no help and ppl have made me fel ashamed of it. I would die if my son did such a thing, to cause yourself pain, dunno how to explain it.

I am hoping oneday when i feel better I can help ppl that have or are suffering with self harm. RAZORBLADEKISS please you have so much to live for, i know you say you havent got anybody but you have us. I only have my son and he is the only one keeping me alive. You have us, you may not know us but we all care about one another regardless of where we are and what we do.

I feel better when i listen to music that makes me want to dance altho i dont dance its just nce as it puts a smile on my face.

Im having such a rough time at the moment, my ex is giving me grief and being really mean and horrible, not just to me but my son.My brother is still not talking to me so I have no one to talk to. i go on facebook and have friends on there but no one i actually see and most i do ot know personally, i am quite sad, i actually look at ppls profiles and add ppl and sometimes chat thru facebook and sometimes dont. There are groups on there, for example i love shameless, there are lots of ppl on these groups, all different kind of groups lol, maybe sign up and i will guide u along, it takes away boredom but then again i dont think it helps being stuck in front of the laptop.

I am seeing a councillor tomoro,i havent seen one in over a year and im in a new area and new flat so i feel weird about the whole thing. I hate having to go through everything i have been through. Its like starting all over again but i am aware its a slow and painfull process with bringing everything up and out again. I have never had a suitable councillor i have felt at ease with, i think tomoro is just an assesment interview.I will be in tears I know but atleast im going and showing some kind of interest altho i really dont want to go.

Sorry for my spelling , my nails are long and my son is still awake so am looking at him and this at the same time,I also applied for a course as I want to be a teacher eventually but what if they think my depresion is going to affect it. The course is oneday a week and i have to have an interview next week, its fr classroom assistant, I dont want to mention my depression but should i maybe. I also have to do 2 days a week at a school as a volunteer and my sons school said i may be able to do it there as long as i have proof. But am worried its obvious im a depressed person, and what about my arms in the summer, i cannot hide it forever.

sorry ive gone on and on and on as usual. Im dreading tomoro, i take zispin if anyone knows it, its also an AD it helps sleep where as before i couldnt but i wake up so mich, i have weird and sometimes scary dreams.

Chat soon guys, i hope ur all feeling a bit better,probaly not after reading my post lol, anyway better go i will be back in a bit hugs and luv to u all xxxxx

JUST READ UR POST,BRILLIANT THAT YOU WANT TO BE A TEACHER AND R STARTING OFF WITH CRA JOB.i AM A PAST SEROXAT USER AND THE SIDE EFFECTS WERE HORRENDOUS! AWFUL SWEATS, TREMBLING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ETC ---- I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE SERTRALINE WAS GOOD FOR ME AMD IM NOW ON THE ROAD TO COMING OFF THEM AFTER ABOUT TWO YEARS. ABOUT THE CRA JOB DONT THINK IF YOU TELL THEM ABOUT UR DEPRESSION IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU, THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION AND ALSO A MEDICAL CONDITION IT COULD BE THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO FOR YOURSELF, I WORKED AS A CRA FOR 4 YRS AND ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT IT WAS VERY UPLIFTING AND ALSO GAVE YOU AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IS INVOLVED IN THE TEACHING SIDE OF SCHOOL, GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO IT!:T

Spikey_2

chocomum wrote: »

JUST READ UR POST,BRILLIANT THAT YOU WANT TO BE A TEACHER AND R STARTING OFF WITH CRA JOB.i AM A PAST SEROXAT USER AND THE SIDE EFFECTS WERE HORRENDOUS! AWFUL SWEATS, TREMBLING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ETC ---- I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE SERTRALINE WAS GOOD FOR ME AMD IM NOW ON THE ROAD TO COMING OFF THEM AFTER ABOUT TWO YEARS. ABOUT THE CRA JOB DONT THINK IF YOU TELL THEM ABOUT UR DEPRESSION IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU, THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION AND ALSO A MEDICAL CONDITION IT COULD BE THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO FOR YOURSELF, I WORKED AS A CRA FOR 4 YRS AND ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT IT WAS VERY UPLIFTING AND ALSO GAVE YOU AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IS INVOLVED IN THE TEACHING SIDE OF SCHOOL, GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO IT!:T

:T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T

RBK - thinking about you :A

Spikey_2

Just Been Reading Back...

My Sincere Condolences Big Mamma

Your In My Thoughts And My Prayers

Diamond78

Spikey wrote: »

My mate suggested I become a male gigolo..... don't think so.... but then again........ only joking

in reply to your valentines day question

:j you might enjoy it lol, you never know till you try-only joking lol

hows comes your up late anyway???

Even though I moan about being single on valentines, I dont think im actually ready to meet a guy?Im very good at faking it(my depression that is) so no one would get how bad my depression is but then after a while, if someone is around me for long, the alarm bells start ringing and the signs show as in insecurity,jealousy,clinginess and then you got the being down, low, fragile...

Cant see any man putting up with that and cant see no man loving me!!!

The thing is I could meet some1 nice but then I will push them away coz of the way I am.....im soooo strange and weird

Diamond78

chocomum wrote: »

JUST READ UR POST,BRILLIANT THAT YOU WANT TO BE A TEACHER AND R STARTING OFF WITH CRA JOB.i AM A PAST SEROXAT USER AND THE SIDE EFFECTS WERE HORRENDOUS! AWFUL SWEATS, TREMBLING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ETC ---- I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE SERTRALINE WAS GOOD FOR ME AMD IM NOW ON THE ROAD TO COMING OFF THEM AFTER ABOUT TWO YEARS. ABOUT THE CRA JOB DONT THINK IF YOU TELL THEM ABOUT UR DEPRESSION IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU, THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION AND ALSO A MEDICAL CONDITION IT COULD BE THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO FOR YOURSELF, I WORKED AS A CRA FOR 4 YRS AND ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT IT WAS VERY UPLIFTING AND ALSO GAVE YOU AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IS INVOLVED IN THE TEACHING SIDE OF SCHOOL, GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO IT!:T

Hiya,
Thanks for the kind words. Im still taking seroxat,have done for cant remember how long. As i dont like taking tablets i was told that was the only suitable one as I could get it in liquid formula(didnt want tabs as have taken OD a few times b4 and dont like the feeling of tab going down my throat if that makes sense) They kept upping my dose as I felt no better and started to realise, if i missed a day i would start getting side affects. I started feeling worse in myself and actualy felt suicidal,my gp was very good but she said my councillor knew best as he knew fully of the background of my problems and issues. He put my up to eight 5ml spoons, i hated taken it as i was dependent on it i hated taking it everyday and the taste was nasty, i eventually started feeling really ill, i couldnt speak to no one and missed 2 appointments at the councelling resulting in me being discharged although i had reasons i could not go.I begged for them to take me back but i want allowed and had to go on a waiting list again which would be atleast 6 months i was told.This was last year begininb of febuary. Things got so bad , i ended up self harming myself again which I had not done in years, it wasnt bad as what I would of done or have done when I was younger but just cuts on my arms which i knew would not scar, strange but you sort of get to know how to do it if that makes sense.I kept telling the gp the seroxat ws making me feel that way and showed her my arms and refered me to another clinic which i got contact from via a call in august to say the waiting list was long ect and in sept got the letter staing i had an appointment in january. I moved from the area in october so that was no use to me.

I have myself without the doc knowing reduced the seroxat, which has been very hard and I am now on four 5ml spoons.I dont take it everyday and now have a new gp who has told me to gradually reduce it by a spoon every other week. He has put me on zispin which is a little tablet 30mg and it disolves on my tongue,it actually helps me sleep but i wake up a lot and dont know if its due to the zispin, reducing the seroxat or giving up the smoking. I feel very low and i have lots of problems ie housing, family, money, myself and so much more so I know my depression isnt going to get any better until some of these issues get resolved. I put a brave face on and actually hide it well but lately I have no energy to hide the way I feel. I have let myself go, i dont brush my hair, i dont make an effort like i use to, i just put my hair up and its like that all the time, i dont put make up on, i wear tracksuit bottoms all the time, i never use to be like this-only time i was looking this rough is when i was with spermdonor. Only thing that keeps me going is my son but i feel an awful mother as i feel my depression is affecting him. Coz I have been through so much and my son has witnessed a lot of stuff, we have both suffered coz of other ppl and as much as I tried to protect him, ppl have hurt us and we have had to move about a lot.But we have a very strong bond and unconditional love,my son is clingy at home but that coz he doesnt feel safe in the flat nor does he like it. In every other thing, her is doing well at school, is confident, is ooutgoing, is healthy but he has a lot fo frustration in him.

I spoke to the gp about him not sleeping at night, i explained the recent things that had happened to us and my son had been affected by it and we agreed it would be benefical that he sees some kind of councillor to talk about things, it might do him good and he may not need it but im showing im trying. I do my best to do nice things with him its not always possible but i try. I take him football training sats, cinema once a month, i took him iceskating last month so we do fun things,i want him to remembr the good things in his childhood and not the bad things we have gone through.

I have my interview next week for the CRA course. Im so wrried actually. I never use to worry about things like that, when i filled the application course for the course i put i didnt have any medical problems but i do. But as im trying to get better and been refered for councilling and sen a useless councillor whos gonna refer me elsewhere I feel I dont need to tell them yet but then I have to get a school placement of 2 days. I know once Im in the school with the kids i will be happy as larry, i wouldnt be down id actually be on a high getting on with learning and gaining the experience, so i feel maybe i shouldnt do the course sometimes.I dont know what im doing, i want to do it as i feel not only will it help me but it will give me a chance to gain the qualifictaions and help me get into employment.

I feel confused and lost!!!