Depression Support Thread

Sazbo

LOL Tiffy hun! My mum's 70, bless her heart - although she's such a party girl sometimes she makes me feel like the senior citizen! :rotfl:

Yeah back to work. Oh joy:rolleyes:

Hope you're doing ok sweetheart.

Big hugs,
Sazzyxxxxxxxxxxx

judderman62

Thanks Tiff :grouphug:

J
xx

Tiff wrote: »

Hi guys!:hello:

judders - good luck to you too on your return to work hun. I hope the day goes well for you - just a step at a time ok angel? I'll be thinking of you - that's if I get to do any thinking!:rolleyes:

Looking_for_help

Hi everyone,

I normally use a different name for posting but want to keep this seperate.

Not sure where to start but here goes....

Before I was married I was in debt of £10Kish but managed to clear this. Been married for four years and finally fully debt free last year and for the last two years have been stoozing. My wife shows some interest in the house finance but leaves it all up to me.

We are renting and really do struggle to save. I try to account for everything and whenever I want something for myself I sell something that I don't want or need anymore to pay for it.

I am now in my late 30's and still don't have a deposit for a house or a pension. My wife wants children but not sure how we could afford them.

I am now constantly tired, was late in for work again (3 hours late), which means I have to work late to make up the time, I am just so fed up with everything, stressed & tired. I am now going to stop stoozing as I just can't see the point of it anymore. I feel like I want to walk out on everything wife, job etc and start again somewhere else. I know this isn't the right way to think, but I am now feeling constantly down all the time and just want to burst into tears (I am a bloke and its not the thing to do)

don't know what else to say really

Karrie

Looking_for_help wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I normally use a different name for posting but want to keep this seperate.

Not sure where to start but here goes....

Before I was married I was in debt of £10Kish but managed to clear this. Been married for four years and finally fully debt free last year and for the last two years have been stoozing. My wife shows some interest in the house finance but leaves it all up to me.

We are renting and really do struggle to save. I try to account for everything and whenever I want something for myself I sell something that I don't want or need anymore to pay for it.

I am now in my late 30's and still don't have a deposit for a house or a pension. My wife wants children but not sure how we could afford them.

I am now constantly tired, was late in for work again (3 hours late), which means I have to work late to make up the time, I am just so fed up with everything, stressed & tired. I am now going to stop stoozing as I just can't see the point of it anymore. I feel like I want to walk out on everything wife, job etc and start again somewhere else. I know this isn't the right way to think, but I am now feeling constantly down all the time and just want to burst into tears (I am a bloke and its not the thing to do)

don't know what else to say really

Wether you're a bloke or a woman, we all have feelings and you are entitle to burst into tears It sounds as though you are a bit down. Do you dread getting out of bed everyday? Do you cry alot? Have to you spoken to your wife about it all?

petrichor

Looking_for_help wrote: »

.... I feel like I want to walk out on everything wife, job etc and start again somewhere else. I know this isn't the right way to think, but I am now feeling constantly down all the time and just want to burst into tears (I am a bloke and its not the thing to do)

don't know what else to say really

Welcome Lfh Depression/stress call it what you like, but it's not just the preserve of women, men do get it and get tearful, it can strike the strongest! Before you do anything that you know you'll regret, make an appointment with your GP without fail, in fact phone the surgery NOW before you change your mind. Believe me, you won't be the first one that he/she's seen with these problems, it's just that most folks don't talk about these things except to others that know what it's like and suffered too, hence threads such as this.

I'm new here too, but just post your thoughts whenever you want to, because I find that cathartic in itself.

I hope you start to feel better soon, but you do need that appointment making now!!

xxxx

Looking_for_help

Karrie wrote: »

Wether you're a bloke or a woman, we all have feelings and you are entitle to burst into tears It sounds as though you are a bit down. Do you dread getting out of bed everyday? Do you cry alot? Have to you spoken to your wife about it all?

Thank you for your help.

Yep dread getting out of bed. Try to put on a happy face for everyone but inside feeling very down. No I try not to cry just bottle it all up but then that makes me ill. I end up getting lots of colds/flu etc. No my wife doesn't knwo anything about this

Looking_for_help

petrichor wrote: »

Welcome Lfh Depression/stress call it what you like, but it's not just the preserve of women, men do get it and get tearful, it can strike the strongest! Before you do anything that you know you'll regret, make an appointment with your GP without fail, in fact phone the surgery NOW before you change your mind. Believe me, you won't be the first one that he/she's seen with these problems, it's just that most folks don't talk about these things except to others that know what it's like and suffered too, hence threads such as this.

I'm new here too, but just post your thoughts whenever you want to, because I find that cathartic in itself.

I hope you start to feel better soon, but you do need that appointment making now!!

xxxx

Thank you for your help.

Really not sure about the doctors. Would it affect my job if they knew I went to the doctors about stress/depression?

petrichor

Having a rough day today. Didn't want to get up despite having the usual bad night and feel very lethargic. It certainly is taking me to the limits again but it appears that I'm not alone...

Karrie wrote: »

...I don't know why but I have been having morbid thoughts recently and they are scarey. It shocks me and it makes me feel like I am going mad - literally. I am tired all the time again. Oh I dunno it just seems to be one vicious circle for me....

Me too! It wouldn't be so bad but I don't have a reason for this, well, not that I can think of


For the cat lovers among you

I hope the rest of you are faring better today

xxxx

petrichor

Looking_for_help wrote: »

Thank you for your help.

Really not sure about the doctors. Would it affect my job if they knew I went to the doctors about stress/depression?

No, and your employer does not have to know, unless you had to have 'sick leave' when it would show on your Dr's note, but don't let that put you off from getting help now!! You are protected by employment laws.

Tiff_2

Hi lfh!:hello:
Hang in there hun. Let's have a look...

quote=Looking for help;
Hi everyone,
I normally use a different name for posting but want to keep this seperate.
It doesn't matter what your name is angel - if you're a regular, you'll know that there's answers to be found and no-one is judged. The name you use is up to you hun.;)
Unfortunately, you drew the short straw and got the Tiffster.:rolleyes:

Not sure where to start but here goes....
I know angel - that's always the hard bit...


Before I was married I was in debt of £10Kish but managed to clear this. Been married for four years and finally fully debt free last year and for the last two years have been stoozing. My wife shows some interest in the house finance but leaves it all up to me.
Well the first thing I want to do is say congratulations - that's a heck of an achievement! This tells me that you are a determined survivor who CAN fight back. :T

Does your wife want to become more involved in the household finances hun? Does she know how you feel about the scrimping, saving and managing a budget and how stressed you are hun?

Or do I get a Tiffy inkling, ,that you're reluctant to let go of the reins & sharing the burden more equally after all you've been through, that maybe your wife wouldn't want or be able to, take more of it on, but that's what you'd really like to do, due to the huge stress angel?
You seem to be the have taken role of hunter/gatherer to create that perfect life for you both. Do you feel able to tell her that you need help angel?

If I'm mewing up the wrong tree hun, don't be afraid to say so.;)


We are renting and really do struggle to save. I try to account for everything and whenever I want something for myself I sell something that I don't want or need anymore to pay for it.
I am now in my late 30's and still don't have a deposit for a house or a pension. My wife wants children but not sure how we could afford them.
WHOA THERE!:eek:
Imho angel, you are not living a life, you are balancing accounts!
I commend you for your determination and courage but hun, life isn't a budget. Yes it's great that you get rid of unwanted things to gain new things, but is it all really worth the heartache it's causing you hun?


I think we're almost brought up now to want our own homes and we're alway hearing how we must now take out our own pensions, which is great if you can manage it. Personally, I never wanted to own my home because then there are burdens, expenses and responsibilities that go with maintaining it. With local authority or housing associations there's always someone else to pass the problem to. If you don't own your own home now, there's nothing wrong with that hun - and you've got years to achieve that goal.;)

I really admire your sense of responsibility but I have to tell you as the mother of one child, that if you wait until you can afford children, you'll never get there.
It is scary how much it costs to raise a child and there is a bit more financial help from the government these days, but a child can't truly be budgeted for sweetheart.
My brother just got married and they are also saving to have a child - and he's 37!:o
We all want the best start for our children but love is what comes first, and you will be amazed at just how well you would manage if you started your family now.

I am now constantly tired, was late in for work again (3 hours late), which means I have to work late to make up the time, I am just so fed up with everything, stressed & tired. I am now going to stop stoozing as I just can't see the point of it anymore. I feel like I want to walk out on everything wife, job etc and start again somewhere else. I know this isn't the right way to think, but I am now feeling constantly down all the time and just want to burst into tears (I am a bloke and its not the thing to do)

don't know what else to say really /quote
i'd like you to re-read your own post hun and imagine your reply if it was from another poster.
Firstly, there is no 'right way to think' hun, so you can lay that load down! It sounds as though you both want and need a good cry - you're under terrific pressure hun and there's no shame in that - in fact it'd be good for you.;)

Well, like I do with everyone else, I'll be honest about my opinion hun.
If you're at the point where you're thinking of walking out on everything then something has to change - and quickly.

- Firstly, I think you should maybe have a visit with your gp hun. You sound very low and stressed. I know it's not something men always feel they can do but if it helps, it'll be worth it.

- You need to have a cosy-up evening with your wife and really open up to her about how hard you're finding things. Unless she's psychic hun, she won't know unless you tell her.;)

- Then what needs to be done imho, is to re-evaluate your situation together. Does it have to be as rigid a plan as the ones you have made? Is it worth risking your relationship, your quality of life or even your health for?

This doesn't have to be a negative thing angel - quite the opposite in fact. You've already decided you can't go on like this really hun, so sit down together and decide what's important in relation to being able to enjoy life - make new dreams and decisions. It doesn't have to be all or nothing angel and nothing should ever be set in stone.;)

- It's much better to have enjoyed a life sweetheart than to have existed one, imho. You want things to change, so make it happen hun. All the best plans get reviewed! You've come a long way together and with a little bit of honesty and dreaming together, you'll have a long way to go too.;)

- Write down the bits you really want from your lives and then look for the different answers to them. My guess would be a home, a family and money in the bank.
What you may not realise is that you do have a home, even if you don't own it yet, that you have some money in the bank and that not all things - like children - can be saved for.

-I'm also going to tell you to look back at the time you were £10k in debt. I bet there seemed no way out and that you'd never be free of it at the time. Look how far you've come and be proud!:T

The short answer angel is that you should stop worrying about the ''I must/I have to/I should's'' and start enjoying where you already are. Things usually come together for the best hun. The other stuff, the trimmings, will come with time.
Right now you need to look after yourself and your relationship - that's what's important angel.
I don't have all your answers hun, but I hope some of this helps. You know where we are if you need us - thinking of you angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx